Duckabush Blog: Bible Study Archives

Foreign Wives

Today the train seems empty, which is odd, considering it is a Friday. Although they promise clear skies today, a combination of low clouds and fog hides the sun. It is almost a relief to the eyes, after all these days of sunshine. I’ve actually heard people complain about the weather, saying things like “If I wanted weather like this, I’d live in California.” People are funny.

Daniel loves to climb the tree in our front yard.

I’ve been reading in Ezra the last day or two, which chronicles one of the return parties from the 70-year exile in Babylon. The story starts out very cheerfully, with the Persian king granting permission to return, and supporting the endeavor with gifts and letters of authority. When Ezra arrived in Jerusalem, however, he found that a number of the existing Jewish leaders have taken foreign wives. Apparently this practice violated the covenant they had made with the Lord and had historically caused them to adopt the practices of the pagan people living in the lands around them.

Reading the last chapter of Nehemiah, I see that there was more to the story. Apparently a number of the children of these marriages could not even speak the Hebrew language, so thoroughly had they been assimilated into the local cultures. Additionally, the peoples of Moab and Ammon were explicitly excluded from the assembly of Israel, in accordance with Deuteronomy 23:3, because of those nations hostility to Israel when they returned from Egypt. Nehemiah writes that he even resorted to beating some of the men and pulling out their hair in an effort to shame them into doing what was right. Nehemiah seems to have been a real stickler for following the law – I must say that I like him and admire his courage. He seems to have had his enemies, though – throughout the book and four times in the last chapter Nehemiah calls on God to witness what he has done and to remember those who opposed him.

And yet Ruth was a Moabitess, and an ancestor of David. How strange are the ways of God!

Ultimately the men of Judah took an oath to ‘put away’ these foreign wives and their children; presumably sending them back to their non-Jewish relatives, with the aim of re-establishing their covenant with God and maintaining the purity of the ‘holy race’. It made me sad to think of the fathers explaining to their little children that they were ‘unholy’ and had to be sent away. I can’t help wondering if there wasn’t a better way to honor the holiness of God and to keep the covenant without breaking up these families, perhaps by offering up some expensive sacrifice or going through some exhaustive baptism ceremony? Wasn’t there a precedent for bringing aliens into the assembly of Israel, as was apparently done with Rahab and her entire family?

I'd have a hard time sending these three away, even if their Mom was an Ammonite.
(Picture from 1999.)

(I’ve often wondered if this same Rahab is the one mentioned in the genealogy of Jesus, mother to Boaz. Now that I think about it, there would have been only three generations, to span the entire period of the Judges, which seems to have been more in the ballpark of 300 years. Not saying it couldn't have been the same Rahab, but perhaps it was actually someone who was named after her.)

In Malachi 2:16 it is written, ‘“I hate divorce”, says the Lord God of Israel … ‘. Yet only a few verses before, Malachi also speaks against the practice of marriage outside the covenant. Is there is any application of this principle within the context of the New Covenant? What does God think of our nation’s now-commonplace practice of divorcing ‘the wife of our youth’ and marrying outside the faith?

The wife of my youth with her new haircut.

Ultimately our relationship to God comes first, which may explain why Paul tells the Corinthians that if an unbelieving spouse wants to break up the marriage, we are to let them do so. Yet we also know that marriage is a picture of our relationship with God and is one of the few institutions established by God. I think it would have been very hard to live in the time of Ezra, and to make the choice to ‘put away’ a wife from outside the covenant. It makes me wonder if there are things in my life that, while similar to things that God blesses, are actually man-made substitutions from ‘outside the covenant’? Certainly a job can become like a ‘foreign wife’ if it is relied upon apart from God for provision, or if it becomes a God in itself. I can see how certain friendships might be ‘unholy’ and a believer might come to the point of ‘putting away’ those relationships which hinder them in their walk with God. Maybe I’m trying too hard to find application in this historical event.

Perhaps the essence of the application is that anything that lures us away from God (as happened with Solomon and his pagan wives) should be treated ruthlessly. As Jesus says in Matthew 5:30:

“And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.”

One thing that constantly amazes me is the depth and beauty of God's creation.

Civil War

I slept in last Tuesday and didn’t leave the house until after 8:30 am – how nice it is to sleep in from time to time. If I wait until the traffic thins out, I can make it to work in a little less than an hour (as opposed to 1:40 if I take the train). Still, I miss this time on the train to read my Bible and write.

I have received permission to move to a four-day work week, starting this week (in fact, by the time I have published this, we've already had our first 'field trip day'). I am excited about the change and about the opportunity it will give me to go on field trips with the kids. As the weather starts to warm up and the days get longer, it will be good to be out and about – we’ve huddled indoors much of the winter. One trip I really want to make is to visit Mount Rainier – some days I see it looming majestically to the east as I travel on the train, but it has been many years since I paid my respects, and I have no decent digital pictures of the mountain.

Monday was the first day that it was still light (sort of) when I got off the train, and now I see a glimmering of light to the east as we move through Puyallup. Pretty soon my entire commute will be in daylight (at least on sunny days), which makes a big difference to me. The lack of light really seems to affect me – I get gloomy very easily in the winter here in Washington. It always surprises me how extremely the seasonal difference affects the length of day at this latitude – we’re almost six degrees north of Detroit, and the day gets pretty short in January. Of course, we have no complaints in terms of cold weather – again today I walked out the door in shirt sleeves – and the rain just doesn’t ever seem to materialize in any great amount.

I’ve been reading in II Chronicles lately, reviewing the exploits of the kings who followed Solomon in both Judah and the remainder of Israel. It is interesting to note that a substantial number of people from the tribes of Levi, Ephraim, Manasseh and Simeon also joined Judah and Benjamin once they saw that the southern kingdom was really following the Lord. I had always wondered at the disparity in size between Israel and Judah, and now I see that they were more evenly divided than I had suspected.

Under Rehoboam, Judah makes one attempt to re-unite the kingdom, but is instructed by a prophet of the Lord to desist from civil war. Some years later, under Abijah, king of Judah, there is a massive battle between Judah and Israel in which 500,000 soldiers from Israel (more than 60% of their army) are killed. Although this is a major triumph of God over the pagan idols of Israel, I wonder what it must have been like to have such huge casualties in Israel. Perhaps as many as one in five of the men of Israel were killed? It must have been a very bittersweet victory for the people of Judah, to see God’s judgment come upon the northern kingdom in that way.

It is sad to note that king Asa, although he trusts in God in dealing with a foreign invasion from the south, ends his reign badly. Toward the latter part of Asa’s rule in Judah, the king of Israel began to fortify a town near the border to stem the tides of those defecting from his kingdom to Judah. Much like the iron curtain or the Berlin Wall, this pagan king seeks to prevent any of his subjects who loved God from voting with their feet and heading south. Although this seemed to be an opportunity for God to teach the nation of Israel yet another lesson about His sovereignty, Asa chooses not to trust in God, but rather sends tribute to the king of Aram, hiring him to attack Israel to take the pressure off Judah.

Perhaps Asa lacked the counsel of a good Queen?

Ultimately this choice is shown to be bad, yet the knowledge seems to embitter Asa against the Lord and he ends his life with a painful illness, still refusing to turn to God for healing. It is a sad progression of one bad choice followed by others, each seemingly cementing Asa’s stubborn position and souring his reign. Towards the end of his life, II Chronicles 16 records that this once-godly king began to oppress some of his people brutally, effectively doing the work of the Enemy by discouraging any further southward migration among the people of Israel.

I suspect it was the desire of God to re-unite the kingdoms of Judah and Israel or at least to draw all of those who loved Him south into Judah. If I was a God-fearing person in, say, the tribe of Issachar, I would have thought seriously about relocating to Judah during the early years of Asa. Toward the end of his reign, though, I expect that there was no need for a fortified city to guard the border – Asa’s oppression was enough to keep any remaining god-fearing subjects of Israel at home.

Over the past months I have allowed my heart to become a little cold toward God, perhaps consciously and unconsciously blaming Him for some of the disappointment in my life. This story of Asa rings a warning bell in my mind, and I am convicted of my lack of humility toward God. Asa could have repented of his lack of trust in God, turned away from his stubborn pride, and ended his life as one of the most godly kings of Judah. Instead, he became more and more set against God, imprisoning God’s messenger and ultimately betraying his trust as king over God’s people and bringing shame upon God’s name.

The prophet Micah gives a very succinct summary of our responsibilities:
"He has shown thee, O Man, what is good and what the Lord requires of thee: to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God." Micah 6:8

Once more, I need to humble my heart before God and to trust Him. You’d think I would learn this, once and for all!

I’ve been reading the allegory, “Hind’s Feet on High Places” to the kids at night lately – I’m not sure they are really getting it (I wonder I understand it myself, for that matter). One of the things that surprises me every time I read it is the choice of companions that the Shepherd makes for poor little Much-Afraid, as she heads off on her epic journey to the High Places. Sorrow and Suffering are definitely not the companions I would choose for my own journey to the High Places – like Much-Afraid, I would much prefer Joy and Peace, to encourage and strengthen me on the way. Yet God seems to care more about our development along the way than our speed or comfort in arriving at our destination. This is a hard teaching, and it resonates as truth, but I really don’t have a good handle on it yet.

I guess that once we are with the Lord in Heaven, there will be no more resistance or impediment to loving Him, and everyone will be able to fully give themselves to Him in love and adoration. Yet we know that true love is only possible where there is a choice, a choice we must apparently make outside eternity – which is probably why God does not take us immediately home to be with Him. Is it possible that the extent, depth, or quality of our love is also determined by the growth that we experience during our short lives on this planet?

Throughout my marriage with Kathy, one of the things that makes our relationship special is the confidence we have in each other’s love and fidelity. Because we were both still virgins when we married, we knew that we could trust each other. Sometimes, when life is hard and we have disagreements, it is natural to wonder about the depth of each other’s love – it is at times like that when it becomes very important to remember that your spouse chose to marry you over all others.

If everything was always easy, and life was one long honeymoon, I wonder if our love for each other would ever grow? Love is about sacrifice and putting the other person ahead of yourself more than it is about hearts and flowers. Perhaps the preciousness of our love for God is in its depth and completeness – maybe the sweetness of our savor is increased as we demonstrate our willingness to love Him deeply and truly in spite of hardship.

One night after I finished work, Kathy wanted to go to Costco and Target to do a little shopping, but I wanted to stay home. At first I refused to go with her (for some reason she didn’t want to drive to Costco at night) but then I remembered that the scriptures instruct husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church, and to lay down their lives for their wives. So I told the kids about this and lay myself down on the floor in the living room, telling Kathy that I would go with her if she wanted me to. Joshua immediately pounced on me, taking advantage of my prone position – I was forced to remind him of the frequent brochures and flyers I receive from the Spitsbergen Military Boarding School and Arctic Exploration Center (SMBSAEC).

West Spitsbergen, controlled by Norway and nestled in the warm and sunny Svarbald archipelago, is the home of one of the finest military boarding schools available. While some complain that the latitude (near the 82nd parallel) makes the winters a bit long and nippy, others maintain that such is the talk of sissies.

We went to Costco to pick up a new mattress for Sarah (we think she is ready to take the big step of moving from her crib to a real bed) and checked the prices for replacement glasses for Daniel. I bought everyone ice cream and we wheeled the mattress out with the four younger kids all sitting on the mattress happily eating their chocolate and vanilla swirls, much to the envy of several bystanders. A good time was had by all until we got to Target, where the lines were long and Kathy was delayed while the rest of us waited in the van. The mattress (which was now resting on the heads of all five children) began to be much less fun, and we were all glad to be on our way home again when Kathy finally emerged.

About a half-mile from home we witnessed an accident between a man in a big SUV and a woman and child in a smaller sedan – fortunately no one was hurt, but there were shards of plastic everywhere, filling the intersection. Both drivers insisted that the other one had run the red light; unfortunately Kathy and I had not seen enough of the collision to reliably testify. The little boy, perhaps five years old, was pretty shaken up and cried and cried while his mom held him and shouted at the other driver. The woman who was hit may have been uninsured … I felt badly for her and prayed with her, but there was little else I could do apart from sweep up the debris. The police never did come to investigate the accident, which I thought was pretty unprofessional.

Today is a rainy day, and the train is pretty full already, and we haven’t even reached Tukwila. I think a lot of people are like me, in that they sometimes take the train, and sometimes drive their cars to work. Personally, I like the variety – there is nothing quite like sitting in traffic to make one appreciate the train, even if it is crowded. I heard yesterday that the Washington State Ferries have finally implemented a wireless network on the ferries and in the terminals – that will be very nice for the commuters, I think, if people can handle e-mail and be connected to their work systems. I wonder if I will ever be a ferry commuter again? In many ways my heart is divided about moving back to the Duckabush.

Daniel loves gymnastics, especially the foam pit. As far as we know, that other little boy survived this encounter.

Last Friday marked the beginning of our involvement in a local homeschooling cooperative – the kids are very excited about spending the day in classes rather than doing the usual schoolwork at home. They are each enrolled in four classes, two before lunch and two after, from 8:45 in the morning until 3:00 pm. Kathy is required also to work as an assistant in one of the classes, so the whole family (except me) is involved. I’m a little jealous – I do hope that they enjoy their classes and teachers – the co-op seems to be well-run and fairly comprehensive in terms of the classes offered, with what seems to be as many as a hundred children enrolled. This semester covers the next sixteen weeks, ending in May, so it is a big undertaking.

My mind keeps coming back to poor king Asa and his stubborn embitterment toward God – I went back and re-read part of his story. This blog entry has already gone too long, but I think it is worth noting the difference between Asa’s reaction and that of king David, when confronted with his adultery. Instead of having a teachable heart, Asa became angry with the prophet who rebuked him and put him in prison. David, in contrast, accepted the rebuke of Nathan and repented before the Lord. It seems to be less about the severity of the sin and much more about our response to God when corrected. I need to look for the Holy Spirit’s conviction and correction in my life and be humble and responsive to His rebuke. In the words of Paul:

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. I Corinthians 9:24-27

Hope

Last Monday I hit the snooze button a few times too many, and missed my train. As a result, I drove in to work later and had to work quite a bit later (traffic being what it is, there is just no sense trying to drive home before 6:30 or 7:00 pm). By the time I got home, ate a little supper, did Rachel’s Special Day with her and read the Chapter to the rest of the kids, it was nearly time to go to bed. Weekends are much too far apart, in my opinion.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about hope. It seems to me that hope is a critical ingredient to happiness (or maybe joy) and is one of the major advantages that followers of Jesus have over the rest of mankind. I am frequently astonished that people who don’t love God are able to face their days at all, without the hope that we have in Christ. Sometimes it is no picnic even for those of us who have that hope – it is quite possible to become bogged down in the hopelessness of daily existence. One of the things I have had trouble with in my job is that there is no particular hope for advancement or improvement. For a few weeks after Christmas, I have been moping around, allowing myself to act as though I had nothing better to look forward to than a series of tedious and mundane workdays, briefly and occasionally interspersed with weekends. The promise of eternity seemed a long way off, and I found myself becoming depressed.

Christmas morning -- breakfast at a very hopeful moment.

I think one of the big lies that Satan would have Christians believe is that our hope is only good for eternity, and that here on earth, we are no better off than the next guy. Nothing could be further from the truth! It dawned on me with surprising force that the hope that I have is a daily and powerful hope – I can eagerly look forward to each day to see what God is going to do in it, in spite of my distaste for the work that I do. The God that I serve is powerful and active and regularly intervenes in the most dismal of circumstances – I run the risk of missing His activity in my life if I wallow in gloomy hopelessness.

One of my favorite stories in the Old Testament is the account of Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego – three teenagers brought to Babylon after the fall of Jerusalem. I think it would have been very easy for a young Jew to become depressed and feel hopeless during that 70-year period of exile from Israel. These young men, selected for the service of this pagan enemy king, almost certainly resented being wrenched away from their families and the comforts of home, particularly if they were of the nobility. I think I would have been daunted by the hopelessness of captivity and reports of the eventual complete destruction of Jerusalem. But these young men held firm to their faith in God and continued to honor and glorify Him, even to the point of being willing to be burned alive rather than deny their Lord.

The other night Kathy asked me why it was that following God was so hard, sometimes. It made me think for a moment – is that necessarily true? I guess it all comes down to your view of the flesh and the unregenerate heart of sinful man. If you accept the Biblical description of the flesh and the way it wars against the spirit, then it is not surprising that obeying God would be hard, much, or even all of the time.

In the letters to the seven churches in the first few chapters of Revelation, the apostle John, writing through the Spirit, reports on what will be given ‘to he who overcomes’:

• the right to eat from the tree of life
• will not be hurt at all by the second death
• some of the hidden manna
• a white stone with a new name
• authority over the nations
• the morning star
• be dressed in white
• never have your name blotted out from the book of Life
• be acknowledged before the Father and His angels
• be made into a pillar in the temple of God
• the right to sit with Jesus on the throne of God

So, what is to be overcome? Certainly temptation to sin and the persecution of others. But for many of us, the most difficult thing to overcome is more subtle – it is the struggle between our spirit and our flesh, and it is not something that can be overcome once for all. Jesus said that the one who would follow him must take up his cross daily -- a strange juxtaposition of the mundane daily struggle with sin and selfishness and the extreme heroic imagery of Jesus carrying His cross to Golgotha.

Women of Faith

I was reading recently in II Kings, chapter 4, which tells of two women of faith in the time of Elisha, the great prophet and successor of Elijah. The first story deals with a woman whose husband has died, and a creditor who intends to seize her children as slaves in payment for debts owed. Elisha’s solution seems strange to me – he instructs the woman to gather jars from all her neighbors to fill with oil from a single jar which miraculously doesn't run out until the last jar is filled. She obeys, and sells the oil to pay her husband’s debts, saving her two boys from slavery.

Two of the women of faith in my life: my Sweetie and her Mom

Elisha could have rebuked the creditor in the name of the Lord. Considering the recent bear-mauling of those who disrespected this particular prophet, I’m sure the creditor would have happily forgiven the debt rather than face God’s displeasure. Or Elisha could have taken up a collection among the prophets and paid the debt. But the solution chosen accomplished several important objectives:

• it required the woman to further exercise her faith – she must have felt a little silly gathering jars to hold non-existent oil.
• it allowed the neighbors to participate -- even the very poor usually have empty jars. And it possibly communicated a rebuke to those neighbors who had some wealth; according to the scriptures, this woman’s husband had revered the Lord – why was no more substantive help forthcoming from the neighbors?
• it legally satisfied the debt yet communicated God’s opinion on the matter to the creditor, in terms that left no room for doubt. If I had been that creditor, I would have quickly dedicated the money received from the sale of the oil as a guilt offering to the Lord, hoping to avoid further reproof.
• it was clearly God who helped, and not Elisha, who remains off-stage for most of the story.

There seem to be a few basic principles that I can derive from this story about the way that God works:

1. He values our faith and loves to help it to grow.
2. God wants us to participate in His work.
3. He places high importance on both justice and mercy.
4. God does not share His glory.

The second story is rather more poignant, at least to me. Elisha desires to reward a Shunnamite woman who has shown great respect and care for him over a period of several years by setting aside a room for him whenever he passes through her town. When Elisha asks his servant for ideas as to how to reward the woman, Gehazi answers: “She has no son and her husband is old.” Although the woman begs not to have her hopes raised, Elisha prophesies that she will have a son within a year, and she does. Later the son (possibly still a toddler) dies, and the woman comes to Elisha. Grasping his feet, she cries out, “I never asked for a son. Didn’t I ask you not to raise my hopes?” Elisha sends his servant to lay his staff on the boy’s face, and ultimately the boy is restored to life through Elisha’s prayerful intervention.

A picture taken while out on a walk, the day after Christmas.

This incident made me think of the way that God tenderly disappoints us. Sometimes we are living our lives, and God blesses us with some unexpected gift – something we didn’t ask for or even imagine was possible. Later, when we are more accustomed to it, that gift is taken away, and we are doubly hurt -- disappointed once because of the removal of the gift, and a second time because of the perceived abatement of God’s favor. Like the Shunnamite woman, we are tempted to cry out to God: “I never asked for this blessing! Why do you raise my hopes, only to dash them?” If the gift was from God, and we enthusiastically thanked Him and gave Him glory for it when it first was given, how much more bitterly we feel the loss when it is taken away!

We know that all good gifts are from God, but it is hard to continue in faith when those good things are taken away. Even in her grief, the Shunnamite woman knew something that is good for me to remember:

When God disappoints us, our only recourse is to go to Him. When her son died, the woman put him in the prophet’s room, figuratively and literally committing him to God’s care. Without notifying her husband or anyone else, she hopped on a donkey and quickly made her way to Elisha – concealing her loss from everyone except the prophet himself. This strikes me as significant – I think sometimes when God disappoints me, I complain to everyone and their uncle about it, rather than holding to faith and going directly to God with my loss. This failure to exercise faith tarnishes God’s glory and damages our witness for Him. Complaining against God in this way also causes us to lose faith, rather than build it.

There is a popular Christian song that was recently released, entitled “Blessed Be Your Name” (written by Matt & Beth Redman). The chorus contains the refrain:

“He gives and takes away; He gives and takes away, but still my heart will say, ‘Blessed be Your Name!’”

Quoting from Job, the songwriter expresses the constant truth that God is our ultimate recourse, and that He is worthy of our praise in the bad times as well as the good times. As God’s plan to provide for my family has been unveiled in the past eight months, I have felt considerable disappointment and loss – in some ways more so now that I have a job than while I was still waiting for God to provide for us. I have lost time with my family – both in commute time and in increased hours (I was working only about six hours a day, on average, after I was laid off and while I was trying to start my web development business). This new job pays $15,000 less a year than I was earning before I was laid off from AT&T Wireless, and we are paying a tidy piece of change annually to rent this house in Lakewood. My work is considerably less rewarding than prior jobs and the status I currently hold is at least two steps below that of more recent positions. Perhaps worst of all, there is no clear avenue for advancement – I feel a little trapped, and disappointed in this turn in the path of my vocation. After such rapid advancement in salary and status in the first eight or nine years of my career, it is hard to understand why this is happening to me.

Why does God disappoint us? Is He somehow limited in His resources – does He say, “Well, I would have liked to give you good and perfect gifts, but I just couldn’t afford it. We’re a little low on blessings up here, what with the recession and all.” Of course not – I smile, just imagining Him saying such a thing.

Knowing what I do about God, I suspect that He gives the most generously when He seems to be taking away. On multiple occasions, the Bible records stories where people were raised from the dead – the extreme case of God giving in a context of having taken away. Why didn’t Jesus rush to Bethany to save Lazarus from dying, and his sisters from grief? In some sense, having faith made it worse for Martha and Mary – they knew that if Jesus had been there, that Lazarus would not have died. Faith (or at least limited faith) in such a circumstance becomes almost a liability. The scriptures record that Jesus deliberately delayed, arriving only after Lazarus was buried, so that the power of God would be revealed and that God would be glorified.

God permits bad things to happen to 'good' people, and disappointing things to happen to mediocre people. He is not intimidated by this, nor does He wring his hands, saying, “Oh dear, I don’t know what to do!” His power and mercy and grace and goodness are revealed most clearly in our weakness. Perhaps I need to follow Paul’s example and teaching and rejoice in these disappointing circumstances, clinging to my faith in God and waiting on His good pleasure and timing.

... for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. (Phillipians 4:11b)

Already I am able to recognize several good and perfect gifts:

• I am learning to be much more diligent in my work


• I am learning humility, albeit rather slowly and painfully


• My generosity is being tested and purified


• My children are benefiting from grandparent tutoring


• My skills and self-worth as a programmer are being challenged


• I have plenty of enforced idle time for Bible study during my daily commute on the train

And the list goes on. Praise be to our God, who gives so abundantly!

As we opened Christmas gifts this year, I thoroughly enjoyed the gratitude, wonder and enthusiasm of David, my three-year-old. He is such a satisfying gift recipient that I have to be almost physically restrained from rushing out to buy him more presents. At one point in the flurry of wrapping paper, however, I had to take him aside and rebuke him for disparaging a gift he had received. Rachel had given him a small bunny rabbit that she had won as a prize in Sunday School, and about which she was very excited. Upon opening the packet, he let the rabbit fall to the ground, turned covetous eyes on his brother’s gleaming remote-control sports car, and said, “I want a car like Daniel’s.” His unbridled greed and ungrateful spirit were revealed in all their ugliness, and I immediately took him aside and spoke sternly to him on the necessity of squelching expression of such sentiments. In the midst of the joy of Christmas, a rebuke was exactly what my son needed – I wonder if that is how it is for God, sometimes. Perhaps He holds us on His lap and steels His heart against our disappointment and quivering lower lip and teary eyes. While He might prefer to continue to shower us with more gifts, sometimes it is necessary that we be pulled away from all the presents and reminded of our obligation to receive those gifts with a grateful heart and with a generous spirit.

We all must learn the painful truth: none of us quite gets everything we want, although some come pretty close.

Blessed be Your Name, in the land that is plentiful;
when your streams of abundance flow, blessed be Your Name.

Blessed be Your Name when I’m found in the desert place,
though I walk through the wilderness, blessed be Your Name.

Every blessing You pour out I’ll turn back to praise.
When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say:
Blessed be the Name of the Lord, blessed be Your name, Jesus.
Blessed be the Name of the Lord, blessed be Your glorious Name!

Blessed be Your Name when the sun’s shining down on me,
when the world is all as it should be, blessed be Your Name.

Blessed be Your Name on the road marked with suffering,
though there’s pain in the offering, blessed be Your Name.

Every blessing You pour out I’ll turn back to praise.
When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say:
Blessed be the Name of the Lord, blessed be Your name, Jesus.
Blessed be the Name of the Lord, blessed be Your glorious Name!
You give and take away, You give and take away,
my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your Name!

Everyone should own a copy of this song – I like the version recorded by Tree 63. When I was driving back and forth between the Duckabush and Seattle, I used to hear this song played in the morning and evening, most days – serving as spiritual bookends to my days. Now whenever I am discouraged or disappointed, I play this song – sometimes several times in a single day, often at top volume when I get home from a long day. I keep it on my laptop and all my home computers. It reminds me of God’s sovereignty and His love for me, and the allegiance I owe Him, whatever happens. It reminds me that I must daily choose to glorify my God.

In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:4-11)

I can hardly wait to see what blessings He pours out today, that I can turn back to praise.

Guitar chords for Blessed Be Your Name

Cherishing Iniquity

I heard an interesting sermon, a few Sundays ago. I think it is worth a recap; if nothing else, it will help me to better establish the important points in my own mind.

The topic of the sermon was prayer, or perhaps more accurately intercession. We started by examining Hebrews 7:23-26, which focuses on Christ’s role as our go-between, mediating between us and God the Father:

”Now there have been many of those priests, since death prevented them from continuing in office; but because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them. Such a high priest meets our need – one who is holy, blameless, pure, set apart from sinners, exalted above the heavens.”

This picture has nothing to do with my blog, but Kathy says I need to have some images for those who kind of skip over the blog text looking for current pictures.

I like the idea of being saved completely – no half-measures will do for me! Imagine if your salvation depended upon the priestly skills or character of Eli, Hophni, or Phineas? Even Aaron was a piece of work, leading the whole nation into idolatry while God was meeting with Moses only a few miles away. Or Samuel, who managed to serve without corruption yet somehow did not communicate that tradition to his sons.

We surveyed a number of other scriptures, including those which identify conditions for acceptable prayer:

”If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.” Psalm 66:18

This one is worrisome. I’ve been taught to understand the word ‘regard’ in this context as ‘cherish’ – the idea of accepting known sin in my life and doing nothing to correct or restrain it. The pastor spoke at some length on this topic, pointing out our tendency to excuse habitual sin and rationalize it, saying, “Well, that’s just the way I am.” Some of us think we can bargain with God, sort of a “I’ll obey most of your commandments in exchange for leniency in this one area” arrangement. Is God corruptible? Can He be bought so cheaply, or at all? Even if God did accept such bargains, I doubt He would look warmly our cheating Him so outrageously, since we know from elsewhere in scripture that even our best efforts are worthless in terms of living up to His standard of holiness.

Nearly all men struggle with lust, in one form or another. How many of us have rationalized our impure thoughts or sexual fantasies as being an integral part of our masculinity, breaking fidelity with our wives and our God on a frequent, if not daily, basis?

I was once involved in a Promise Keeper’s group that met each week at a local business. One of the questions which came up was this: “Is it wrong for me to look at a pretty woman in my workplace?”

We discussed this at considerable length. Finally, perhaps out of exhaustion, we came to a tentative conclusion:

1. God created woman to be beautiful, and there is nothing wrong with appreciating that beauty
2. God’s primary purpose for a woman’s beauty is to be appreciated by her husband
3. While a man cannot reasonably live in this world without looking at a beautiful woman once, he certainly can and ought to control himself from taking a second look, unless the woman is his wife. For most men, the sin of lust (which Jesus equates with adultery, see Matthew 5:28) occurs between the first and second glances – a man is tempted and succumbs to the sinful desire to take a second look, with the intent of gratifying his lustful thoughts.

When I was in high school, I walked about a mile to and from school each day. One afternoon as I walked along, I passed two girls, glancing at them as I passed. One of them caught my eye, and I gave that girl a second, more lingering glance. As I moved ahead of them, the one girl said to her friend, “Hey Stephanie, he sure looked you up and down.” I blushed as I walked away, because she had correctly identified the appraising, intrusive intent of my gaze. I was embarrassed because I had moved beyond innocent appreciation into lust, and I had been caught in the act.

The scriptures talk about “making a covenant with our eyes” such that we keep our appreciative glances for our wives and avoid that sinful decision to take a second look at other women. Yet there are many who draw the line with a lot more wiggle-room. In my experience, few men can trust themselves in this area, whether it be the movies we watch or the books or magazines that we read.

Many people tolerate casual dishonesty in their lives, telling ‘white lies’ or habitually deceiving the people around them. Others permit themselves to lash out in anger at the people around them, or have a bitter, sarcastic tongue. Many women (and not a few men) indulge in gossip, concealing malicious talk behind a cloak of righteous concern and prayer. Still others routinely steal from their employer or the government, pretending that some kind of entitlement or past victimization permits this behavior. Can we cherish these kinds of sin and expect that God will hear our prayers?

Another picture with no particular connection to this blog.

This sermon made me reflect on my life and the various ‘idols’ I have erected. Some of the sins that we wink at include self-indulgence (in my case, a tendency to overeat), pride, laziness, short-temperedness and an unconcern for others. We tell ourselves that we are not perfect, and that surely God does not expect us to become flawless overnight. “I’m a work in progress,” we piously intone, implying that some or all of our sins can be ‘temporarily’ ignored. How many of us have become enslaved through habitual cherishing of sins of this kind, spending our years cut off from God’s grace?

And yet there are other reasons our prayers are ineffective:

”You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” James 4:2-3

We looked at the passages that talk about the way that the Holy Spirit translates for us and presents our requests in terms of the things that we really need.

”In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.”

One very basic principle of prayer hit me right between the eyes: prayer is about submitting my self to God’s will, not constraining or inducing God to give me special treatment. It may be that you have already grappled with this, but I find myself continually surprised and re-surprised (to coin an awkward word) by my negative reaction to this truth. When it comes down to it, I suspect that God is ready and willing to deny me the comforts I crave but rather may choose to allow me to suffer, if through that suffering He can mold me to His purposes. According to Hebrews 2:10, and 5:8-9, God used suffering to ‘make’ (or perhaps reveal) Jesus’ perfection. When I pray, many of my prayers are suggestions to God about how to make my life more pleasant; strange to think that the Holy Spirit may actually stand in opposition to some of these prayers.

I can just imagine the conversation among the Trinity, please excuse the liberties taken with the awesome majesty of God, no blasphemy intended:

Father: “So, I see that Tim is praying again. What do you think he really needs?”

Spirit: “Well, he’s asking for more money again, and he wants to be protected from the consequences of some bad decisions he made, but I think it would be best if we let him build some much-needed patience. Also, he continually struggles with pride and self-sufficiency, and it seems to get worse every time we give him a higher salary. He pretty much just wants to be allowed to sit back and take it easy for the next 50 years or so. We want him to rely on us, rather than taking pride in his own ability to earn a wage. I think it best that we teach him to be a better steward of what he already has. I don’t think he is making very good progress in terms of compassion for others – we need to soften up his heart a little. As to his tendency toward laziness – I think we love him too much to spoil him.”

Jesus: “You better believe it! I died for that rascal, and I won’t be satisfied until he enjoys life the way we intended, in its full abundance. Ever since he was redeemed, we’ve been looking for opportunities to help Tim realize what an awesome gift he has been given, with the Spirit as his Comforter. Tim’s not getting any younger, and every day is full of potential for Our power to fill him and mold him. I want him so full of the Spirit that he barely notices when he dies and takes up residence here!”

Father: “Well, as I always say, bad things are excellent opportunities for Our creative power. I have some other really great gifts I’d like to give him – let’s creatively disguise and repackage some of them and draw Tim to Us by building his faith and character. I can’t wait to see Tim’s face when he realizes that We’ve been acting in his best interest in spite of the hardship in his life. (Of course, that is just a figure of speech, since I can wait, and technically I’ve already seen the future, but you get the idea.)”

Spirit: “Sounds like Tim is nearly finished praying – he doesn’t take long, you know. For a guy who is so long-winded in his blog, it is strange that he can’t manage to pray for more than a few minutes at a time. I’ll provide him with a sense of Our peace, and I’ll call his attention to some of the passages that Paul wrote about being joyful in adversity.”

Jesus: “Now there’s a guy who knew about trials and tribulations.”

Father: “Not anymore! Hey, Paul, we’re talking about you again! Stop dunking John-Mark in Our river – he’s already been baptized!”

Again, please know that no disrespect or blasphemy is intended in my invention of this conversation between the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

At the core of my problem with prayer is a basic unwillingness to suffer for the cause of Christ. Although He laid down His life for me, I am considerably less ready to lay down my life for Him, especially if it might bring me discomfort or inconvenience. In such a case, how can I pray for God to glorify His Son in me?

Here is a little girl that we pray will grow to glorify God.

There is no doubt that God wants me to have and enjoy every good thing. The problem is that most of the things on my list (happiness, wealth & possessions, health, leisure, power, sensual gratification, comfort) don’t make His top-ten list. Indeed, there is a close correspondence between those things I desire (at least in the extreme) and the list in I John 2:16-17:

”For everything in the world – the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does – comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.”

We see that the good things that God wants for me are more lasting and valuable than the things that I want – but, like a young child, I prefer a lollipop right now to ownership of a city tomorrow..

So do we rush off and become monks, whipping our bodies and living on roots & berries (and Nutella, that well-known monastic staple) in some quest to deny the flesh? If God so wills it, then yes. But God seems to call us to submit our desires to Him, yet grants us considerable pleasure and comfort in the gifts of His hand. Often he permits us to have the lollipop today, even though it may delay our inheritance of the city; yet we must be wary of granting too much power and importance to the desires of the flesh.

Prayer, then, takes courage. No wonder many people prefer only to pray for others – who can pray for themselves, other than something like “Thy will be done”?

What does it look like, to be a person who trusts God and submits their desires to His will?

• such a person tithes and gives sacrificially above that 10%
• they habitually subordinate themselves to the needs of others – when you call them for help, they respond
• they do not put the gratification of their body ahead of the well-being of others
• they will tend to give freely of their time to God’s work
• they do not seek to puff themselves up
• they keep a tight rein on their tongue
• they don’t mind looking foolish for God

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” I Corinthians 13:4-7

Sound familiar? I guess it should be no surprise that with God, everything comes back to love. If we truly love God, we’ll be able to trust Him with our lives, putting our will below His, and loving Him enough to suffer if necessary. I guess there is one prayer that I need to be praying, “Lord, please give me a heart that loves you more.”

Immortality, Hot Tubs, and Pop Tarts

It is a crisp Fall morning, dawning clear and golden on the slopes of Mount Rainier to the southeast, as I ride above Tacoma’s waterfront on the elevated Sounder train to Seattle. Even the Tacoma Box Company building (established 1889) looks elegant in the fresh sunshine of this day. Yet my appreciation of the beauty of this glorious morning is somewhat dimmed by the lack of Pop Tarts.

Under ordinary circumstances this would never have happened. I take prodigious care to ensure the regular provision of Pop Tarts in my little bronze car, the only place where they are (relatively) safe from the ravages of Slug, Weasel and other natural predators. Ever since the catastrophic mouse nibbling incident, I secure them in a clear Rubbermaid container with a MouseAway™ lid. While I have come to prefer the bland reassurance of Brown Sugar & Cinnamon, I am known for my ability to lay aside large quantities of Blueberry, and even Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, Pop Tarts.

Joshua put together four bookcases for a pint of Ben & Jerry's. He has been the envy of all, as he generously shares out his treat, one half-spoonful at a time.

Imagine my shock, dismay, surprise and chagrin when I looked on the back seat of my car and found no faithful plastic bin, no preservative-laced pastries, no breakfast. In the chaos of our recent move to Lakewood, the bin was removed and the pastries likely devoured by some undeserving wretch. And so I must ride without Pop Tarts, woe is me.

One of the reasons I began this blog (apart from the fact that I thought it was a cool idea and it gives me an unparalleled chance to blather on without being interrupted) was that I had begun to feel my mortality. These kind of things occur to me later than for most people; it has only recently begun to dawn on me that I am the father of five children and should (at least occasionally) act like a grownup. It seemed to me that, in the event something happened to me, it would be pleasant to have written down a few thoughts by which my children could remember me, if they were so inclined. As my body continues to age (I am, after all, approaching 39, which is merely a pebble’s toss from the dotage of 40) my thoughts have been more and more fixed on the temporary nature of my sojourn on this planet.

This was not a 'posed' picture -- Sarah set this up herself, with no prompting!

It was, therefore, with startling joy this past Saturday, that I remembered a key truth: I am an immortal. I have read many stories (usually fantasy or science fiction) about people who are, for various reasons, immortal. Traditionally, these characters are flawed; often storybook immortals are wearied by their years and jaded by the sameness of life’s pleasures. Many of them have experienced the personal tragedy of watching a beloved one die of old age or other mishap, and are often detached from the world and unconcerned (at least on the surface) with the plight of mortal man. In some cases, they have been disappointed or betrayed so often that they have little or no desire to continue to live. Typical handling of such characters in fiction involves the poignant renunciation of deathlessness in exchange for True Love of some other lofty ideal.

In the beginning, many of the early patriarchs lived for nearly a thousand years, according to the records in the book of Genesis. Many have speculated about these long-lived men, wondering why mankind is now limited to such a comparatively low average of 70 years. Of course, the reason is recorded in Genesis 6:3, as God speaks about His intention to destroy the earth with a flood:

”Then the Lord said, my Spirit will not contend with man forever, for he is mortal; his days will be a hundred and twenty years.”

The generations began to shorten after Noah, who reached the respectable age of 950. Noah’s descendants lived 600, 438, 433, 464, 239, 230, 148, and 205 years, down to Abraham, who lived to be 175. Some argue that the change in the Earth’s atmosphere after the flood and the resulting increased solar radiation is to blame for aging. Others have pointed at the relentless and cumulative impact of sin as the cause for shortened lifespan. Whatever the reason, it is a rare person these days who lives to be more than 100, let alone 120.

When I was in high school or college I saw a movie about a bunch of Immortals who (for reasons that were never clear to me) could only be killed by chopping off their heads, usually after a dramatic sword fight and the exchange of stilted insults. The plot (if you can call it that) required a small group of these sword-wielding maniacs to chase one another around the planet with the brutal goal of absorbing each others’ life energy or something (I was never clear on that part, either) and ultimately becoming some sort of god. It seemed to me that the only thing they were likely to accrue was high dry-cleaning bills, but, hey, I didn’t write the screenplay.

That’s not my kind of immortal. Any who saw me swing a sword would know that the only likely impending decapitation would be my own. Actually, I possess a much better grade of immortality – the kind that cannot be ended by the chop of a blade, poisoned by despair or cheapened by ennui. By the word of the Lord, who does not lie, I am guaranteed eternal life. By faith in Jesus Christ, and according to His grace and mercy, I will live with Him forever. Not some measly 50,000 years, but forever. No end. Ever. It sends a chill down my spine when I think about the amazing infinite nature of this gift of God.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about time, and readjusting my reaction to the ‘waste’ of ‘my’ time. One recent Saturday, I drove downtown to pick up a rental truck, only to discover that I had reserved the wrong vehicle (actually a cargo van) and that my plans to move would have to be delayed. Driving back to Lakewood, a cheerful peace descended upon me as I remembered that I have (literally) all the time in the world and that it didn’t really matter what I did with today or tomorrow, as long as I gave glory to God and enjoyed Him. I started to sing along with the praise songs on the radio and adjusted my plans to move our furniture on Monday, instead of Saturday.

It seems a little childish, almost, but I get a lot of glee out of the fact that I don’t really have to worry about anything. As Jesus said, in Matthew 6:25:

”Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not your life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?”

One man's hot-tub is another's olympic-sized pool.

One of the nice features of our new rental house is a hot tub, nestled into a corner of the deck behind the garage. Although it is in view of the neighboring house, the room that overlooks it is tenanted by a four-year-old, who waves at us cheerfully when we use the tub in the daytime. Mostly we hit the hot tub just before bedtime, enjoying the cool breeze above the water and the stars overhead. It has been a real blessing throughout the move, refreshing our aching muscles after a long day of hauling boxes. There’s nothing like a hot tub to help you to forget your cares and worries, and to reflect on God’s gracious provision throughout the day.

Now that the weekend has passed, today I have to work. I’m sure there will be many worrisome details that will require my urgent attention. But I must admit I’m not really very uptight about it – after all, I’m an immortal.

Marvelous Monday

Each morning, the driver of the bus I ride makes an announcement over the loudspeaker as we arrive at the Bainbridge Island ferry terminal. It may be that his former vocation was pastor or politician; he seems to love alliteration. I suppose he wants to make sure we’re all awake and that we will get off his bus; he always makes an effort to sound upbeat (apparently he hasn’t read my comments on the advisability of pre-noon cheerful chatter in a previous blog entry). Mondays are Marvelous, Tuesdays Terrific (at the Terminal), Wednesdays are frequently Wonderful in Winslow (the actual name of the village at this end of the island), and Fridays either Fabulous or Fantastic, at the Ferry, of course. I don’t ride the bus on Thursdays – I wonder if he extends the alliteration to include the ‘h’, as in “Thankful Thursdays”?

This is the #90 bus with the cheerful driver, stopping for me at the Nazarene Church Park & Ride. Don't be fooled (as I frequently am) by the #33.

He usually has something positive to say on Fridays, but the Monday crowd is pretty somber – today he decided to spice it up a little:

“I’m happy to report that they haven’t moved the Bainbridge Island Ferry Terminal over the weekend; not that they usually do, but you can never be too careful on a Monday.”

It actually brought to mind a funny mental picture of black-masked desperadoes carrying the terminal away piecemeal in the dark of night, perhaps attempting to rally popular support for their struggle against the oppressor, but nobody even cracked a smile as far as I could see. I guess if he wants a better reaction, he’ll have to drive an afternoon bus route or start working the improvisational comedy circuit.

Dashing he may be, but he didn't steal my ferry terminal.

It is always interesting to see how different people cope with jobs that lack sufficient scope for their personality. One of the drivers for the shuttle van service that is provided by my employer is an intelligent, articulate man who formerly managed a television station in Bremerton. Whenever I sit in the front seat, I like to engage him in discussion that ranges across a variety of topics – I can’t help feeling that his gifts are wasted as a shuttle driver. Many of the security guards that I encounter are friendly, gregarious people who seem to be well above the mental capability that one would expect in such a position. Perhaps one positive effect that the economic down-turn has brought about is a certain leveling of the playing field – some of the social stigma associated with service industry jobs has been swept away, as hundreds of thousands of ‘professionals’ have been forced into such employment, if only temporarily.

When I was in high school, I worked at a nearby hotel as a yard boy, bellboy, and eventually, desk clerk. When business was slow, I used to help out in the restaurant, busing tables. Later I sold fish across the counter at a nearby fish-market, served another hotel as a desk clerk, and worked the deli counter in a supermarket. Over the years I have held numerous office clerk and typist jobs, including an 8-month stint as a secretary. Those experiences cause me to closely identify with the people that I encounter who are working in service jobs. I try always to be kind, generous and courteous to anyone who is serving me.

One of my favorite little books is Brother Lawrence’s Practicing the Presence of God, written by a (14th?) century (French?) monk. It is well-worth reading, and for that reason, I will not attempt to summarize the secrets of that little pamphlet here. It is noteworthy, however, that this weighty little book was written by a person who held (as far as I can tell) no significant position of leadership, but rather served in the kitchen as a dishwasher and occasionally as a commissary agent for the monastery.

Whatever the world may say about success and the measure of a man’s life, it seems that God has the final word:

”Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength. Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things – and the things that are not – to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God – that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written, ‘Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.’” I Corinthians 1:20-25

When those of us who love God stand before Him (or more likely, when we fall on our face before Him) we will be held to account for every word that we speak, and for what we have done with the gifts that He gave to us. I suspect that many of the good and faithful servants will turn out to have been people of little account according to worldly standards.

As is expressed in the well-known Psalm, “Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere.” (Psalm 84:10a) It doesn't seem to matter what we do or how much we earn or who we impress, as long as we please God and enjoy Him.

Poor in Spirit --KME

I did an intense study about being Poor in Spirit this evening. Much of it was filled with passages sharing how God deals with those who are broken before Him. As I was looking up some of the scriptures I stumbled upon a sermon on true Christianity. The study focused on Galatians 2:20 and Philippians 1:21. In my reading I was convicted on the idea of laying down my life before the Lord, of dying to myself and surrendering to Him. How petty and selfish I have been lately. It shames me to think of my prideful attitude. I have been dealing with a relational problem for several months now and if I’m not careful I let it consume my thoughts and my conversations. I’m afraid I forgot my own place of brokenness. I forgot my own unworthiness and helplessness before the Lord. I forgot that the Bible tells me to put other people before myself. I should be thinking more about how I can serve the Lord and how I can love Him and hunger and thirst for Him, and less about myself and my troubles and the ways I’ve been hurt.

Some Inter-Varsity W&M friends on graduation day

Galatians 2:20: I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

We sang this song often in Inter-Varsity when Tim and I attended the College of William and Mary. Tonight the words spoke to me anew. Jesus loved me so much He was willing to die for me. The life I live is in Him. I must come to Him emptied of my self, of my selfishness, of my own pride, even my own ideas of how life should go and be filled with Him. He offers true life, true bread and water, and a promise to always be with me.

This changes my perspective on many things!

Fog of the Soul

Today looks to be another bright day filled with sunshine, topping out at 85 degrees. But a dense fog lies over bridges and coastline this morning, muffling sound and motion so that even the mammoth Washington State Ferry creeps in to the dock “on little cat feet” (a nod to Carl Sandburg, who is not my favorite poet).

In some ways this fog paints a picture of my heart these last few weeks. I have been carrying around with me a sense of bitterness and disappointment in the way that God is managing my life, and it cuts me off from a lot of the joy of living as one of His children, just as a thick fog prevents us from enjoying the beauty of the world around us. At the risk of over-extending a shaky metaphor, there may be a parallel between the limitations that fog can impose on speedy travel and the limitations that distrust in God may place on our rate of travel on our spiritual journey.

A large contributor of the shadow in my heart is lack of sleep. I am a night person, and waking up weekdays at 5:42 am is a significant hardship for me. Even after more than 100 days on this schedule, I cannot seem to get used to it. Everything seems gloomy to a person who is tired.

We were delayed in boarding the ferry this morning for several minutes after the west-bound passengers had disembarked. Finally a woman staggered up the ramp, slowly threading her way between the packed and indifferent Seattle-bound passengers. A moment before she passed me she lost her balance and staggered into a large man a few feet in front of me. I got a good look at her face as she passed me – her weary expression spoke of despair and hopelessness. Apparently she had fallen asleep on the ferry and was belatedly awakened and ejected by the crew, who are responsible to clear the ferry of passengers between voyages. Her clothes and figure suggested a woman in her late 20’s, but her face looked at least 20 years older.

I hope that my face doesn’t look quite that bad as I make my tedious commute. In the interests of upholding the standards of photographic art, I will not be posting a picture.

I am disappointed with the loss of my high-salaried work-from-home situation, and am not as grateful as I should be for my new job in Seattle, even after 17 months of semi-unemployment. I feel betrayed by the way that the conflict with our former church played out and by God’s apparent unwillingness to uphold His Word and discipline His Church. Imagine my surprise, then, as I read from I Peter and discovered that it is not all about me!

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. I Peter 4:12-14

I think that is exactly how I feel – I continue to be surprised that (for example) my firm stance on a literal interpretation of the Bible would result in shunning and insult from other believers. And yet these verses indicate (as do so many) that life, even ‘my’ life, is not about me, not about my rights or prerogatives or comfort. Instead, it is all about the soon-to-be-fully-revealed glory of God.

Peter goes on to talk about the difference between suffering for our own crimes and suffering for the name of Jesus – it makes me wonder how much of my loss in privilege and compensation was a result of my own lack of diligence, and how much of it is caused by factors outside my control? These are not comfortable thoughts – I would much rather think of myself as a victim than as the architect of my own misfortune.

The last time I was this tired on a consistent basis was during Basic Training when I enlisted in the Army as a private (first class). As the summer of 1986 faded, I routinely faced days of grueling physical training on less than four hours of sleep. In that circumstance, I had deprived myself of considerable privilege and compensation (a four-year college scholarship through the Army ROTC program) through my own lack of diligence, yet I would very much have preferred to think of myself as a victim and spent many entertaining hours blaming the Army and my professors. Is my history repeating itself?

I suppose I could ask my former boss how it came about that I was selected to be laid off, among the other 20-25% of the people in my department. I had received a good performance review at the beginning of the year, but things can change quickly in a corporate environment. As I think of it, though, the point may be moot. It matters much less what my boss thought and it is all about what God thought. The summer before I was laid off, I took a lot of time off from work, some of it associated with the birth of Sarah, but much of it connected to the construction of my deck. I would not be surprised to discover that God was displeased by my lack of diligence in my work, even if my former boss was unaware of the extent my attention was focused elsewhere. There is no doubt in my mind that I could (and should) have worked harder, especially considering the salary I was earning and the privilege I enjoyed of working from home, four days a week.

The long and short of it is that I seem to have betrayed myself, at least in the matter of my work. If, because of my own untrustworthiness, I am now required to work on-site for less pay and with more tedium, I have no one to blame. Rather, I ought to be thankful for a second chance and an opportunity to redeem my career and relearn a proper work ethic. It is perhaps time for me to stop complaining about my job and its associated commute, a topic that has perhaps been over-featured in this blog.

As usual, it depends on how you look at the situation. From one perspective, I am being punished by God, from another, I am being given a chance (as in Basic Training) to learn (or re-learn) diligence in a job that is frequently tedious, not always fun, and that requires me to be away from my family for a large portion of the week. I guess the question is, do I want to be a well-trained servant, able and ready to work for the Master, or would I rather sit around & drink blends? (That was a rhetorical question, no answer is necessary or desired. And of course, there is no higher calling than making blends, if not drinking them.)

So, what about the trouble with my former church? Did God, in fact, let me down? The prophecy about Jesus in Isaiah 28:16 indicates that I am the one who let God down, by failing to trust in Him fully:

So this is what the Sovereign Lord says: “See, I lay a stone in Zion, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who trusts will never be dismayed.”

Is it reasonable that I would be vindicated by God according to my timetable? Is it proper that He allow my opponents in this situation to apparently or at least temporarily go unpunished?

Again, it seems that it is not all about me. Much of my motivation in desiring justice in this matter is so that I may be vindicated – so that those who have insulted me would be humbled and forced to admit that I was right, for the greater glory of Tim. If God chooses to defer judgment in this matter or even to entirely forgive, isn’t that His prerogative, and doesn’t that mercy accrue to His glory? I find myself in the place of the wicked servant illustrated in Matthew 18:23-35, when I refuse to forgive my brother for a small debt, having been forgiven millions myself.

How do I go about forgiving those who have wronged God, and have wronged me in passing? I have tried repeatedly in my own strength and yet I continue to feel bitterness toward several in this category. The only answer I can think of is that I can pray – starting today I can pray and ask God each day to give me a spirit of forgiveness.

At some point I hope to remember that I am a servant of God, not the Master. It is appropriate for me to suffer, and that I should consider it joy to be allowed to suffer in the interests of His glory. Admittedly, it will take some effort to clear away this fog of self-pity and self-importance. I need to continue to study the scriptures that point to Christ, and get my mind off my own desires and comforts.

Although the middle of the Puget Sound was heavily covered in thick fog, we eventually crept our way to the docks of Seattle, where the sun blazed through, slashing the dense mists into ribbons of insubstantial vapor. I think perhaps God is not intimidated by the fog over my soul, either; His truth can incinerate my clouded thinking in much the same way.

It looks to be another beautiful day, dominated by blues and greens and golden sunshine – how delightful to be able to look around and enjoy it!

Challenge Authority

Last week I had the opportunity to worship at a nearby Bible Church. The pastor spoke on the desirability of trusing in God over man (Psalm 118:8-9) and the unreliability of the “carnal” (worldly) mind – as opposed to the spiritually-oriented mind. He began with a call to “Distrust Opinion” and included himself among those to be distrusted. While many give lip-service to the priority of scripture over man's teaching or tradition, I have found that many pastors think that they are, by definition, exempt from being questioned, challenged, distrusted or held to account. Yet pastors are in no way exempt from falling into patterns of worldly thinking and some have led many astray. I found it very encouraging to hear a pastor declare from the pulpit that his congregation must carefully study and pursue the scripture as their primary source for God's revelation, and that they should not just take his word as normative in spiritual teaching. Naturally, I didn't take his word for that. :)

Sarah takes her Biblical doctrine very seriously.

As it turns out, the scripture has quite a bit to say about this. One of the foremost examples is when Peter and John were dragged before the Sanhedrin for the terrible sin of healing a man (another example of the truth of my “No Good Deed Ever Goes Unpunished” motto!). They were instructed by the supreme religious leaders of their day to be silent on the “minor” doctrinal matter of the Deity of Jesus Christ:

“But Peter and John replied: 'Judge for yourselves whether it is right in God's sight to obey you rather than God. For we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard.'” Acts 4:19-20

Or there is always the case of Stephen, charged with blasphemy against the temple and the law, standing before the high priest, boldly rebuking the Jews who rejected their own Messiah:

”You stiff-necked people, with uncircumcised hearts and ears! You are just like your fathers: You always resist the Holy Spirit! Was there ever a prophet your fathers did not persecute? They even killed those who predicted the coming of the Righteous One. And now you have betrayed and murdered him – you who have received the law that was put into effect through angels but have not obeyed it.” Acts 7:51-53

The early church was founded by men of faith who were not afraid to stand up to the so-called and self-appointed guardians of righteousness, often blinded by pride and greed and fear. Throughout the history of the Church, men of faith and boldness have challenged and opposed the established authorities, as in the Protestant Reformation. Stephen was martyred, and many of the early reformers also died for their challenge to the Catholic church. There are consequences today as well, for those who hold to scripture and oppose a particular pastor or a church's leaders. Look at the division within the Episcopal church as some attempt to uphold scriptural condemnation of homosexuality, in the face of those who attempt to marginalize the scriptures or pretend it doesn't apply.

I was reading yesterday in I Corinthians, where Paul writes about the difference between the spiritually-minded man and his worldly counterpart:

”The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. The spritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgement:” I Corinthians 2:14-15

I am not advocating “Lone Ranger” Christianity. Each of us is an integral part of the body of Christ and is subject to various authorities, including those in spiritual authority over us. And yet, we require no high priest but Christ himself – we are empowered through the Holy Spirit to interpret scripture and to understand spiritual things for ourselves, to the extent that we have become "spiritually minded". In II Corinthians, chapter 11, Paul warned against those who claim to have special spiritual authority yet teach contrary to the gospel and the scriptures:

For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, masquerading as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve. II Corinthians 11:13-15

David, illustrating his reaction to false apostles.

We are responsible to be on our guard against false prophets (II Peter chapter 2):

”Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.” I John 4:1

Although it can seem a daunting task, we who call on the name of Jesus and are filled with the Holy Spirit are able to tell the difference between truth and falsehood. Sadly, many believers are carnally-minded and are deceived all too easily, cutting themselves off from the Holy Spirit:

”Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.” Romans 8:5

The Church today is badly in need of reform. Bit by bit, doctrinal values once widely accepted have been compromised and traded away by the major denominations in our country. One group permits homosexuals to openly serve as pastors, while another elevates women to the role of elder. Many Christians hold to a “Health and Wealth Gospel” that reduces our God to a giant vending machine. Some no longer accept scripture as inerrant, while others wave away portions of scripture as “not applicable to the modern day Church”. Most churches do not exercise any effective form of church discipline or hold their flock accountable in any meaningful way. Less than 5% of evangelical Christians tithe, (let alone more sacrificial giving) according to recent studies. Ignorance of the scriptures (particularly the Old Testament) is rampant among lay leaders and teachers.

Those who have minds set on what the Spirit desires must hold firm against this attrition of the soul and speak out against the false teachers who chip away at faith in the name of tolerance and liberalism.

If you find your thinking dominated by fear, bitterness, hatred, malice, greed or pride; if your goals are set in terms of satisfying your flesh (personal comfort, gain, happiness), then you likely do not have your mind set on what the Spirit desires, and can easily be deceived.

Seek to practice love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22) – set your mind on what the Spirit desires. This will protect you from all kinds of error and keep you busy in good works as a bonus.

But whatever you do, don't accept another person's word for what God desires. Weigh every doctrine, evaluate every teaching, question the authority and legitimacy of anyone who claims to occupy the spiritual high ground. Any godly person will be delighted to be held accountable in this way, and will be thrilled to see you thinking for yourself. False teachers will generally flee such accountability or will at least be revealed by their hostile reaction to any attempt to question their authority.

Each of us stands or falls to our own Master; and He is able to make us stand.

Choosing a Church

I've been thinking a lot about the characteristics of a good church lately, now that we have left our old church and withdrawn our membership. We've been trying out several of the churches in our area and have noticed a few trends.

First, let me say that I have attended many different churches. As an Army brat and the son of a Chaplain, I accompanied my parents to chapel and church throughout my childhood and, except for a brief hiatus during my freshman year in college, I have been a faithful church attender all of my life. I've sat under teaching from pastors of nearly every denomination and stripe; I've worshipped with those who dance in the aisles and those who sit up straight with their hands folded in their laps. I've come to one definite conclusion: there are no perfect churches.

So, setting our sights a little lower, what do we look for in a good church?

These are two of my favorite Army Main Post Chapels -- on the left, Fort Lewis, and on the right, Fort Bragg.

First and perhaps foremost is the quality of the teaching or preaching. If a pastor has a high reverence for the Bible as the inerrant Word of God, and is willing to lead the congregation in dynamic study and personal application, a lot of the other problems that can plague a church are nipped in the bud.

Sadly, this quality in pastors is fairly rare. Many lack the ability to effectively communicate, while others shy away from applying their teaching to themselves (or revealing that to their congregations, which amounts to the same thing). Some have shipwrecked their faith by turning away from (or never holding) a firm conviction with regard to the inerrancy of scripture. Many, like politicians, have fallen prey to the relentless attrition of compromise and have nullified the scriptures to keep peace or avoid offending their congregations.

Second in my list of criteria is the quality of worship – that unique and precious combination of music, prayer, enthusiasm, restraint and charisma on the part of the worship leaders. The tone of the worship experience is largely set by the congregation, although leadership is critical here, as well. Some churches err on the conservative side, barely moving their lips and groaning out praise songs in a somber monotone. Others worship God with commendable abandon but err in an excess of emotion without engaging the mind.

This seems largely to be a matter of preference. Personally, I look for a church that can sing out a lively praise chorus with enthusiasm, yet keeps a tight rein on the selection of songs to ensure that the lyrics are Biblically accurate and “theologically correct”. I tend to dislike excessive repetition in choruses, and I resent being manipulated or coerced by the worship leaders. I'm uncomfortable with an appeal solely to my emotions – I mistrust worship that does not engage my mind.

Thirdly we consider the conduct of the congregation itself; do they behave in a loving manner to each other, to visitors? After the service, do they huddle into tight cliques, or are they open to receiving strangers? Are the majority of the members actively using their gifts to serve the church, or are a few doing the work of the many?

Before I go any further, I think it is important to explore why we go to church at all. Each Sunday I ask my children why we go to church – it is a little ritual we have to while away part of the drive. They shout out a bunch of the conventional answers:

• “To learn about God!”


• “To worship!”


• “To sing!”


• “To see our friends!”


• “Because the Bible tells us to!”

But Daniel has learned the answer that really sums up all of the other reasons. He waits until a quiet moment, and then (whether someone has already said it or not) he shouts out, loud and clearly: “Because we love God!”

There are those who go to church out of duty and those who go because they have the chance to serve (pastors and teachers often fall into this category). There are those who attend for the social opportunities, or out of fear of social consequences (although not so much these days). There are those who thrive on the joy that comes from a good worship service, and others who count on the challenge of a thoughtful sermon. These are all good reasons to gather together as a local part of the body of Christ.

But I have found that sometimes the teaching or the fellowship or the worship experience fails. Sometimes the opportunity to use your gift is denied to you in a particular church. Sometimes people hurt you or fail you. In such cases, should you stop going to church? No. You go to church because the depth of your relationship with God requires it – whether your experience at that particular church on that particular Sunday is rewarding or not. Ultimately, if you're not going to church, you are faced with this passage:
Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” -- Hebrews 10:25
... and this passage:
”If you love me, you will obey what I command.” -- John 14:15
If you persist in disobeying the clear command to continue in fellowship, then you are forced to re-evaluate your love of God, which is displayed by your obedience.

I must sound pretty glib for a guy who has recently left a church. But let me defend myself in two ways:

• 1. After I parted ways with the church leadership, I remained at that church for another full year, during which time I was not permitted to use my spiritual gift. Due to relational issues, I experienced diminished enjoyment in the preaching, fellowship and worship experience.


• 2. Since I left, I have not missed a Sunday but am actively seeking a new church home, attending various churches in the area.

Fourth (and this may be primary for some) is the question of what programs the church offers. As a husband and a father, I am the spiritual leader in my family. This doesn't mean that I am holier-than-thou (or even holier-than-them) but simply means that God holds me responsible for the spiritual growth and well-being of my family. I need to find a church that offers programs for my wife and children that will promote their growth. A church can have great preaching, fellowship and worship, but if it doesn't reach my child at some critical stage, then I'm not doing my job. It is for this reason that you will sometimes see a family suddenly pull up stakes and move to a new church when their children become teenagers – finding a church with a vibrant youth program is, in my opinion, a necessity for most parents of teens.

One element that has recently elevated itself in my thinking is that of church government. While some would argue that this, too, is a matter of preference, I am mindful of some errors I have seen in this area.

The scriptural model for church government seems clearly to require the plurality of ruling elders. Beginning with the Church in Jerusalem and extending throughout the New Testament churches, there is no Biblically recorded case where a church was governed by any other arrangement than elders, bishops or overseers (always more than one). Generally these elders were initially appointed by someone with apostolic authority, but provision for the ongoing selection of elders was made in Paul's writings to Timothy and Titus.

At the same time, there seems to be some level at which the congregation as a whole can govern, as demonstrated in the election of Deacons in Acts 7.

Some churches err by placing all of their trust in a single leader, often a pastor, without protecting him or themselves through tight accountability. Others retain all authority at the congregational level, wrangling for hours in monthly meetings that fail to achieve any consistent purpose.

Each model is prone to abuse in different ways; none will always be perfect. But it seems to me that a church ought to stay as close to the scriptural model as possible, if only for the following practical reasons:

1)A church governed entirely by the congregation seems likely to suffer from a lack of consistent vision. It will often spend a large amount of time making the simplest of administrative decisions. It runs the risk of embroiling its members in political disputes and maneuvering for power; sadly the aggressive and self-important will tend to rise to the top under such a system, if only by attrition. It seems unlikely that this kind of church will be able to attract good spiritual leaders or even teachers. I once attended a congregational church that spent more than six weeks in nightly meetings debating a minor change to the name of the church – even after they had already agreed to change the name.

2)A church governed by a single 'elder' or pastor seems likely to fall into doctrinal error. Rather than losing its vision in the babble of many voices, it can become dependent upon a single person for whatever guidance it receives. In the event that the leader falls into a public sin, the church is particularly vulnerable to being badly damaged or even destroyed. If the pastor is deficient in a particular area (and all pastors are), that arm of the church is likely to be sadly neglected unless vigorous steps are taken to compensate for that weakness.

3)A church that is run by a board of elders seems inherently better prepared to meet several challenges. It will possess sufficient plurality of views to protect against doctrinal error and narrow vision. It is well-equipped to correct public (and even private) sin on the part of one of its members, including the pastor. It is small and agile enough to represent the needs of the congregation without becoming administratively ineffective. Most of all, it lines up with scriptural teaching.

I should note at this point that the scripture is clear with regard to elders being male, and of high character and maturity. I Timothy 2:11-12 spells this out clearly, if the all-male precedent in the book of Acts and the other Epistles doesn't convince you. Once you start to pick and choose within the scriptures, saying, “Well, but THIS doesn't apply to me”, there is no reasonable place to stop. Any difficult teaching can be dismissed as being intended only for its immediate recipients – much to the surprise of those responsible for establishing the Canon of scripture. This particular doctrine has been accepted by church leaders for more than 1900 years and only recently has come under fire, due, in part, to the spread of feminist teachings in the church. Please excuse the tirade, but I assure you, this is very mild compared to how I feel on this topic. I take it very personally when people try to elevate social opinion above what the scriptures literally say.

I was very impressed with the Liberty Bay Presbyterian Church in Poulsbo, WA. As a PCA (Presbyterian Church of America) church, they are governed by a small group of elders, among whom the pastor serves as a 'teaching elder'. When we visited them several weeks ago, we slipped into the back, having underestimated the time required to get to the church, and arriving more than 10 minutes late. Afterwards, I was immediately approached by a man who identified himself as a Deacon. He engaged me in conversation until another Deacon appeared, to whom he smoothly handed me off. Within a minute, the first man was back with the pastor in tow – it was all done with the ease of much practice and communicated very clearly to me that I was welcome and honored as a visitor.

We have twice attended the Crossroads Christian & Missionary Alliance (C&MA) Church, a large, bustling congregation with about 400 attending their primary service. Kathy has really been enjoying the lively worship style, led by a “Worship Pastor” who is definitely not afraid of looking foolish in the cause of Christ. I have found the teaching there to be like a refreshing cool breeze – thoughtful, challenging and courageous. The children's programs seem to be well-organized and dynamic. There is a relational solace in being anonymous in that church, especially after the way fellowship has been broken with some in our former church. Unfortunately the church is more than an hour away from our home, which is hard, particularly given the amount of time I spend commuting during the week.

One possible choice is the Quilcene Bible Church, where several of our friends attend. It is a small church, not much larger than our former church, but it is organized under a board of male elders. The pastor tends toward teaching more than preaching, but I appreciate that in any case. One concern is that the church doesn't seem to have many families with infants or toddlers, which generally means that less resources are devoted to the nursery program. Then again, with Sarah approaching the two-year mark, and David passing that important potty-training milestone, our reliance upon the nursery program is beginning to diminish. Still, it is hard to serve in the nursery multiple Sundays in a given month -- not uncommon in a small church when the resources are used by only a few families.

One thing I know for sure: I will not choose a church lightly without carefully exploring all of these criteria. I will scrutinize the doctrinal statements and the constitutions of these churches, learning from the mistakes I made when we started attending our former church.

I'll keep you posted. :)

Waiting on the Lord

I was excited today to try out my new travel bible, purchased from CBD (Christian Book Distributor) online. It is only a little larger than a package of Pop-Tarts and contains the entire Bible, NIV translation. With a conservative blue leather cover and a metal snap, it fits neatly in my pocket or laptop bag. I had time on the bus to read Psalms 108-110, and to read over Ephesians 1 twice.

One of the things I think about a lot is the length of my commute, and the seeming waste of hours upon hours of my time. Over the weekend, I was whining about this topic to a friend, and I started thinking about how God perceives time and its waste.

First of all, the very concept of waste is, by definition, bound up with a finite perspective. To test this, find any child below the age of 6 and give them a bottle of bubbles (the kind that comes with a bubble-wand and a screw-on top.

Nearly any child will enjoy the bubbles, but at some point, well inside 30 minutes, most children will either accidentally spill or deliberately pour the bubbles out on the ground, totally insensitive to the waste involved. As a grown-up (at least in age), I am frequently irritated by this failure in my children to understand the finite nature of things.

“Now all your bubbles are gone,” I lecture severely. “Why did you pour them on the ground? Why weren't you more careful? Now yours are all gone and you'll have to just sit and watch your sister play with her bubbles.” My children are always very impressed with my lectures.

Let's face it – life is finite. The brown sugar Pop-Tarts I am nibbling will soon be gone. The Diet Coke (breakfast of also-rans) I am sipping will vanish, probably before the Pop-Tarts. This day, whether it is seized, throttled, savored, hoarded, or allowed to trickle through my fingers, will pass away, never to be reclaimed, except in memory or blog journalling.

I must say, I find the loss of six hours a day in commuting to be deeply offensive – I've always had a high view of my time, since early childhood. My Mom once assigned me a cleaning chore that I found particularly tedious; I announced to her in no uncertain terms, “I was meant for more than this!”

In the words of the Psalmist:
“You have made my days a mere handbreadth, the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath.” --Psalm 39:5

Life is finite. Or is it? Look at the way that God treats the ones He loves:

• Moses, the leader of Israel, the greatest prophet (with the exception of John the Baptist and, possibly, Elijah) spent 40 years herding sheep on the back side of Midian and another 40 years expiating the rebelliousness of his people and his own temper.
• David, possibly the greatest king Israel ever knew, spent years in exile and being chased throughout the badlands of Israel by his vindictive predecessor. Even when he finally became king at the age of 30, he spent another 7 years waiting in Hebron for the rest of the country to recognize him.
• Abraham, God's chosen friend and founder of His people, spent 99 years as a nomadic herder before God's promise of a son was redeemed.
• Noah, the only righteous man on the planet in his day, was assigned to a 100-year-long marine construction project.
• Jesus, God's own Son, fully God and fully Man, spent the majority of his time on this earth working as a carpenter (or possibly a carpenter's assistant). It wasn't until the last 3 of His 33 years that he began to actively pursue His ministry. Even during that time, he spent most of his time commuting.

The list goes on. God's view of time is notoriously different from ours -- “a day is like a thousand years” and so on. For Him, neither time nor matter are finite -- He probably has a different perspective on 'waste'. I wonder if we, in our fast talking, multi-tasking, hyper-scheduled rush to seize and exploit every moment, fail to accurately discern the mind and purposes of God? Perhaps God's will for me on this commute is to 'waste' this time, learning to wait on Him in a positive, active way. Maybe this travel time is a golden opportunity for me to renew a daily habit of Bible study – indeed, even the drive time can be used constructively in prayer and (with the windows rolled up) singing along with praise songs on the local Christian radio station.

Arguing with God

Last Sunday we continued our study of Rick Warren's book, The Purpose Driven Life. I was intrigued by a claim made by Warren (page 93, if you have the book):

"In the Bible, the friends of God were honest about their feelings, often complaining, second-guessing, accusing, and arguing with their Creator. God, however, didn't seem to be bothered by this frankness; in fact, he encouraged it."

Warren went on to give examples from the Old Testament, including Abraham's shrewd haggling over the destruction of Sodom, Job's forthright speech to God, and Moses argument with God in the aftermath of the golden calf fiasco.

I've got nothing against honesty. Indeed, if you can't be honest with God, you have serious issues in your understanding of His power and His goodness.

We all do a considerable amount of second-guessing of God, particularly when we don't know His will or understand His plan. And, given the examples Warren cites, I can't really find fault with some limited and respectful arguing with God, especially as we grapple with God's attributes, (like mercy and justice). I myself have dared to question God regarding His management of our church.

But I get a little uneasy with the idea of accusing God (wasn't that Satan's role, in Job?) and complaining (or murmuring) against God. This seems to be a quick way to acquire a non-stop, one-way ticket to 40 years' wandering in the wilderness. I wonder if we can become a little too enamoured with the idea of God as our best friend, and fall into error in understating God's role as our Lord?

As I considered the examples Warren listed, I flipped back to Exodus 32 and 33, reading some of the context of Moses' argument with God.

God was telling Moses to go on up to the promised land. He was graciously sending His angel ahead of them to keep His side of the covenant and deliver the land into their hands, even though they had broken their side of the covenant before the figurative ink was dry. (Read Exodus 32 -- it was like a newlywed jumping into an adulterous affair while still on the honeymoon -- a pretty sad story.) But God Himself would not go with them, as He said, "I might destroy you if I go with you even a single step." (Tim's paraphrase.)

On the surface, Moses seems to be asking God not to remove the validation of His Presence, perhaps out of fear that his position as leader would be vulnerable without God to back him up. But a closer reading of chapter 33 helps to clear that up; it reveals something very obvious and yet profound:

Moses was arguing for God Himself -- he wouldn't settle for God's gift (the promised land) but wanted God's actual presence. He correctly recognized that God's gift was worthless when compared to God Himself. "If you won't go with us, we don't want to go!" Moses told God. (Another Tim paraphrase -- I'm just not in Eugene Peterson's league, I guess.)

I think that this is why God allows us to argue with Him -- He wants to bring us up to the next level of faith by revealing Himself through a dialogue. In each of the examples Warren cites, the parties involved learned more about the character of God, and adjusted their faith accordingly.

There are plenty who chase after God's gifts. The "Health and Wealth Gospel" folks would have you believe that God wants you to be rich, and your appropriate faith response is to enjoy those riches (after tithing, of course). The Prophecy types are eager to acquire the secret knowledge of God with regard to future events, although I've never been clear exactly why. Many Christians put their faith in God as fire insurance, correctly reasoning that there are no other options.

My understanding, however, is that God desires fellowship and friendship with us -- He wants us to want Him, not His gifts. Like a parent, sometimes He lavishes gifts on us, and other times He withholds things that would harm us -- but always, He desires a deeper and more satisfying relationship with us.

I've been unemployed and self-employed for a long time now, and one of the things I desire most of all from God is a steady source of earned income. Yet God continues to deny that to me. Perhaps He is teaching me to want Him, not His gift.

Prescription for Life

In Sunday School today we talked about I Thessalonians 5:16-18, and the Pastor suggested that these three verses could be considered a "Prescription for Life". I'm inclined to agree.

They are short verses, and seem to be literally impossible, so I think that we tend to pass over them rather quickly.

Be joyful always;

pray Continually;

give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

As a programmer, I am uncomfortable with words like "always" and "continually" and "all". Looking at the first verse, though, it doesn't seem out of reach. What is joy, after all? We think of joy as being synonymous with happiness, but it isn't, really. You can have a joyful expectation and anticipation of God's power and triumph, even in the midst of unpleasant conditions, as witness Paul and Silas' conduct in the jail in Phillipi. Hard to imagine being 'happy' while sitting in the stocks after a severe flogging. Inspired by the Holy Spirit to display a joyful spirit, these two prisoners were able to sing and praise God in spite of their condition.

So to be joyful always -- this means that I should have ever-present in my mind the hopeful anticipatory expectation of possessing the promise of salvation in Jesus Christ. That joy ought to be the backdrop against which my life is played out. It seems to rule out fear and despair.

Pray continually. This one really challenges me, because I am far from having a regular prayer time (apart from daily prayer with the kids), and my sentence prayers are fairly sporadic. I subscribe to the Brother Lawrence Practicing the Presence of God school of thought, in that I think the only way to do this is to live your life as a conversation with God, to include him more and more in your daily tasks. I think that a major part of my struggle over these last 16 months of unemployment and self-employment comes from a lack of a steady conversation with God.

Give thanks in all circumstances. This is a hard one, especially when we have our hearts set on some thing, rather than on God. Frankly, I expected that God would answer both of my prayers regarding my consulting business, and that He would give me both the number of customers and the amount of income I requested for the month of February. Unless someone shows up with a bag o' cash in the next hour or so, the answer seems to have been yes, with regard to customers, but no, with regard to the amount of money I requested.

Let me step out in faith, then.

Thank you, God, for NOT giving me the money I asked for as earned income during the month of February. I accept that this was not your will and I submit to that will. I can see that several good things can come out of this 'no' answer, and I am committed to seeking God's glory in this situation.

I have so much for which to be thankful. God has repeatedly met our needs, and most of our wants, since I was laid off in November of 2002. Perhaps I will devote a blog entry to listing just a few of the reasons I have to be thankful.

In case you missed the last part of verse 18, this is not merely Paul's personal suggestion for us: "for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." We often complain that we don't know God's will for our lives, usually when faced with a difficult decision or opportunity.

In many ways, these verses are the New Covenant version of Micah 6:8: "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Not a bad prescription for life.