Kathy tells me I shouldn’t post the remaining 40 things my Dad taught me, tonight, but that I should spread ‘em out over another day (or two). “Keep ‘em hungry”, she says.

I feel that I want credit, though, that I actually did write them all on my Dad’s birthday … but you’ll just have to take my word for it.

Tune in tomorrow for the next installment, if I can get a word in edgewise as I share this venue with a blog-happy girl posting her deluge of pictorial essays.

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Dad taught me about parenting

Children are not the most important thing in the family. This seems strange in our child-centered, topsy-turvy world, but Mom and Dad were already a family before any of us came to disturb their tranquility. Dad’s example of putting my Mom first helped me to understand that a good parent loves his child too much to put them on the throne of the family.

It is good to be silly with your kids. My Dad loves to laugh and to have fun and be silly – we’ve spent many an hour laughing together. I think I will always remember the vacation to ‘Switzerland’ we took, when our car broke down an hour from our house. We hid out at home, popping popcorn, playing games and having rubber-band fights while everyone thought we were away. It was one of the best vacations we ever took.

Sometimes Mom asks Dad to dress up strangely to support her weird ideas. This is Dad serving as a ‘waiter’ at an exclusive ‘Ladies Tea’ event. You can see he was really enjoying the party.

Work won’t hurt your children. My Dad wasn’t afraid to load me down with work – oh, how I hated those words, “It’ll build character.” Who knew I would actually need that character in life!

He who spares the rod hates his son. This scriptural injunction (Proverbs 13:24a) was never one I really appreciated as a child, but I sure have seen the truth of it as a parent. I discipline my children because I love them too much to let them persist in evil, as my father loved me. Thanks, Dad, for correcting me when I needed it!

Play games with your kids. Dad made time in his schedule to play Rook or Rail Baron with us kids, and showed that we were important to him by giving us his time, even if he did always hog the Atchison-Topeka and Santa Fe railroad. Now I have the legacy that it seems ‘normal’ to me for a Dad to play with his kids, and I reap the blessings of that for another generation.

Require your children to take responsibility for things. My Dad encouraged me to take charge of my life in the areas of jobs, finances, my walk with God and my academic pursuits, just to name a few. Dad knew better than to coddle me or do everything for me and a lot of my independence and competence comes from being given those opportunities.

Get outdoors. When we lived at Fort Lewis and when we lived in Germany, Dad made sure we had plenty of opportunities to hike and travel and enjoy the world God has made for us. I haven’t done so well with my own kids, but what inclination I do have in this area, I owe to my Mom and Dad.

Travel is better than toys. We never had a lot of ‘stuff’ when we were growing up … my parents felt it was better to spend money on travel than on a bunch of consumer electronics. As I raise my own kids in a materialistic society, it helps me to be grounded in a philosophy that favors experiences over toys.

Do daily Bible study with your kids. Dad faithfully led our family devotions nearly every weekday for many years, in the face of considerable opposition. He lived out the words of Deuteronomy 6:6-9:

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Require first-time obedience. We came across this idea in Gary Ezzo’s Growing Kids God’s Way parenting series, but it was something my parents lived and taught. I always knew that when Dad told me to do something (or stop doing something), I’d better obey right away. That has saved me (and my children) a lot of grief over the years.

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Dad taught me about marriage

Marriage takes communication. My Dad spends hours talking to my Mom, nearly every day. Where some husbands grunt and nod their way through life, my Dad takes the time to listen and commune with his bride. Emulating my Dad in that area has been perhaps the single best thing in my marriage.

Marriage is important. My parents were married twice, but never divorced (once in Germany and once in Switzerland, there’s an interesting but not particularly scandalous story behind that). For this reason, they have twice as many anniversaries as most people, and my Dad takes greedy advantage of that. Nearly every month they celebrate their union in some special way, and their annual anniversaries are a big deal.

Mom and Dad, sitting on the future main lodge stairs of The Refuge.

Marriage means laying down your life for your wife. I have frequently seen my Dad abandon or defer his projects in support of my Mom. My Dad shows that he puts his bride ahead of himself.

Being a husband means being a servant to your wife. Sometimes my folks will have people over, and they’ll stay rather late. My Mom gets up early and shuts down around 10 pm – it is hard for her to face kitchen duty late at night. Although Dad often has a lot of work he wants to do in his study at night, I’ve seen him spend an hour or two cleaning up the kitchen so that my Mom won’t have to face the mess in the morning. He does this, not once in a blue moon, but pretty much every time people stay late. Dad carries things for my Mom, runs errands for her, and treats her as though he was courting her. They’ve been married now for a little more than 45 years, and he doesn’t seem to ever tire of serving my Mom.

How to cherish your wife. Dad always treats Mom in a gentlemanly way, loving her in courtesy and gifts and service and fun little ways. When I was a boy, he used to send her letters as their annual anniversary approached, pretending to be a scam ‘Mystery Gifts and Trips’ company and claiming she had ‘won’ some award or trip. He takes her on week-long trips to islands like Majorca, St. Thomas, the Canaries – we kids were always very envious.

How to be self-controlled in your speech. My Mom and Dad didn’t always agree. Sometimes they would argue, but I never heard my Dad raise his voice or speak harshly or hurtfully to my Mom. He thinks before he speaks, and he speaks in a kind and careful way, even when arguing.

How to live considerately with your wife. Most men don’t ever really understand their wives, and that may still be true of my Dad, but he certainly knows how to please my Mom. This relates somewhat to the way he serves her, but I am always challenged by the many ways that he is considerate of Mom, that he is careful not to trample on the things that she cares about, that he watches out for her needs.

How to support your wife’s dreams. My Mom is an author, a painter, a chef, a teacher, a gardener, and a host of other things. She brings passion to everything she does. My Dad enables her, believes in her, spends money and time on her pursuits. Although he served as an Army Chaplain and his ministry was in the ‘limelight’ for much of their marriage, he has often put his own desires below the need to build up and encourage my Mom in her dreams.

Pray and read the Bible with your wife. One of the things that I have recently begun doing more is praying with my wife. My Dad reads his Bible most mornings and spends a lot of time praying with my Mom, but I didn’t see much of it when I was growing up, since they did it before I woke up. Still, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to notice that their Bibles are out on the table most mornings.

Marriage is for the long haul. One thing I always knew was that my Dad was absolutely committed to his marriage with my Mom. While other kids’ parents were splitting up, I knew that ‘until death do us part’ was more than an idle wish for my folks. Dad consistently protected his relationship with Mom and made sure she felt special and cherished and supported (as I have already discussed).

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One of the main influences in my life as I have grown to be a man has been my father. Today, my Dad turned seventy, and I reflected on the many things he has taught me, over the years, some intentionally and some, er, less intentionally.

Trying to get a handle on the number 70, I selected 7 major categories and assigned ten things to each category, somewhat haphazardly. I can just see my Dad shaking his head over this list, saying, “Is that all he learned from me, all those years?” So let me add the proviso that these are not all the things I learned from my father, these are just the things I thought of first.

Kathy says I can’t dump all 70 in a single blog, so here is the first installment. Six more to follow, sorry to be so long-winded. (I’m not really sorry, but I feel the tiniest bit sheepish, so I offer that up on the altar of politeness.)

Dad taught me about God

God is faithful. When my Dad stands before his Maker, I don’t think that I presume when I say that the words ‘Good and faithful servant’ are likely to figure prominently. My Dad has always been the kind of person who can be counted upon, who keeps his promises, and who consistently holds to the same principles in his life. His example is one of the things I draw upon when I want to give up or run away from the drudgeries of life.

God is patient. My Dad exhibits this trait every time he watches my children, but (frankly) it is one of his defining characteristics. I remember how patiently he would listen to my blather when I used to stop by his study at night and waste his time. He has always been willing to listen to me and has shown tremendous ability in teaching me the same things, over and over.

God has high standards. My Dad is a perfectionist, and it has been difficult sometimes when I have done jobs for him. But the good side of that trait is that he has shown me how large a gap there is between our standards and God’s standard of holiness, by showing me the size of the gap between my standards and my Dad’s. When I hear preaching on the holiness of God, it isn’t hard for me to imagine how far above me that is – I just think of how far above me my Dad’s standards and multiply them a hundredfold.

Dad as a young man, before I was born.

God loves me. I never had any doubt about my father’s love for me, and because of that life-picture, I am confident in my Heavenly Father’s love for me.

God is just. My Dad always tries hard to be fair, but more importantly, he worked hard to mete out justice on many occasions growing up as I interacted with my brother and sister. His wisdom, objectivity and ability to see through my excuses and lies is very helpful to me in understanding the justice of God.

God is holy. One of the things that often annoyed me, growing up, was the extent to which my parents were willing to avoid certain types of behavior in order to avoid all appearance of evil. As I have grown and matured in my faith, I have come to value their example in seeking to separate themselves from worldly things and setting themselves apart for God.

God is creative. My Dad loves to draw and to build things with his hands or with his words, and I have come to understand God a little better through the example of my father. I can imagine the delight that Jesus must be having as he designs the ultimate model railroad in my Dad’s basement in heaven (assuming heavenly mansions have basements).

God loves people. Throughout my childhood, I can hardly remember a time when my parents did not open up their home to people in need. Whether sponsoring scores of refugees from southeast Asia, feeding the homeless or caring for the families of deployed soldiers, my Dad has served as the hands and feet of God in showing His love to people around the world.

God is generous. My Dad has given unstintingly of himself, in terms of his money, his time and his words throughout my life. He was there when I needed money for college, when I needed help buying my first home, when I needed help buying the house we are living in now, and in dozens of other examples. When I think about the selfless ways that my Dad has given of himself to me and to others, I am truly humbled.

God rewards his servants. Keeping his eye on his eternal reward, my Dad is running his race and earning his crown every day. He has often showed me the way that God restores or replaces things that we give up for His kingdom, and he has consistently taught me to value treasure in heaven over anything I might acquire here on earth.

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