I got an abundance of sleep last night. There is no reason I should have been down, discouraged, tired and frustrated today. I keep telling myself that, anyway. I read my Bible this morning (trying to do that consistently) before getting a shower. I went to Bible study and discussed Romans 11 with friends. How can you go wrong with a passage like this:
Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!
“Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?” “Who has ever given to God,that God should repay him?”
For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen. Romans 11:33-36
The glory of the Lord revealed in nature! Thanksgiving picture on the Olympic Peninsula.
Before gathering the children from their classes, I got in a good workout on the elliptical machine. I had a healthy lunch, was patient with the kids (always a miracle) and settled everyone in for school reading/couch time. During our Bible devotions, I managed to convince Tim to join us for the chapter of Proverbs. This turned out to be a huge blessing since a large portion of the passage dealt with the adulteress woman. We spent a long time talking about having and using judgment.
These are all good things.
Why, then, was I tired and grumpy and ready to ‘quit?’ The afternoon rolled on. Kids were ready to be DONE with school but we weren’t FINISHED with our work. The neighbor boy came over to play with Daniel. I stuck to my guns and kept everyone working. At this point I was feeling totally fragmented – all of the children needed my attention. I was frustrated that we had lost so much time in the morning, angry that we had wasted precious school moments finishing up a fun movie at lunch instead of working, and disgusted with my unstructured personality that had gotten us all here in the first place.
Rachel and I were working on our SL5 log at Joshua’s computer. Sarah was on the floor doing her workbook (asking me questions about what crayon to use for the different shapes). David was going through his new Explode the Code book, bringing it over to me every few minutes (to show me his progress). Daniel was fussing because he couldn’t go out and play. Joshua wanted his computer and was at loose ends, knowing he needed to do some more school but unsure of what to do next.
Ahhhhh! In the middle of it all I got a call from a friend asking if we could push our walk up a bit and head out earlier. AHHHHH! I stalled as best I could and promised to call in 15 minutes. At that point Tim came in and said he had to leave early this evening and asked if I could drop the kids off at church. AAAHHH! I convinced him to take the rascals with him on the condition that they would be fed and ready to go with no delays. Thankfully I had dinner (such that it was) in the oven.
There was a salad on the table with the chicken nuggets and potato wedges but I’m not sure anyone actually ate it.
Right before I was supposed to call my walking buddy back, Tim grabbed the keys and told me he had to go to the Dollar Store. Arghhh! Now I had to phone J. and tell her, not only couldn’t I leave early, but Tim was gone and I didn’t know when I would be available. Ever gracious (and eager for a walk), J. told me not to worry. I fed the children and made sure they all had their things ready to head out the door with Tim.
Daniel is collecting cans for a church recycling project. We have no lack of soda cans around these parts.
I HATE those days when life moves along but the JOY seems to be gone. The duties and obligations, requests and demands pile up and everything seems to land awfully close to my shoulders, despite my attempts to dodge and run away. Today I wanted to abandon my responsibilities, ignore the mess, cancel school for the rest of the day, and climb into bed with a good book.
I was dreading the evening because the house needed attention and I had work to do on all three of my co-op classes. I sat down at the piano and spent just a few minutes playing. I haven’t practiced in a long time. I am rusty and I felt sorry for the listeners as it was surely more painful than it was therapeutic. The piano sits in the corner of the living room, near two windows. Playing there is a pleasure just because of the light that streams in and the closeness to the bustling coming and going of the children. I need to remember this next time I have a free moment and am looking to relax, instead of automatically sinking into my comfy computer chair.
Tim got home before too late and willingly accepted the hordes folks of children I handed off to him. The walk was JUST what I needed. Out in the fresh air, a friend to talk to, a brisk pace to get the heart rate going, all of those things helped tremendously. I so often wonder why a change of venue, especially accompanied by some pleasant companionship, can make such a difference in my spirits. I am thankful that Tim understands my need to ‘get out and about’ and encourages my relationships with girlfriends. He is very patient with my “moods” and does whatever he can to relieve the mommy/teacher/homemaker pressure that occasionally boils over.
How delightful that spring is approaching. Daylight Savings Time is right around the corner and with it lighter afternoons and evenings which means evening walks can be a regular escape.
Tomorrow is another day. It’s another totally busy, filled to the brim day with more than its fair share of responsibilities but it’s the one that God has given me, with this life with which He has abundantly blessed me.
For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen. Romans 11:36
Kathy
It is so funny! I served the same dinner except beans instead of salad (for their nutritional value) to my kids. I totally related to all you said and found myself hit the wall at 5:00 p.m. after being home and in the house for 3 days straight with a sick child. Thanks for the encouragement, I am glad other moms feel the same as I do. I am also glad I can trust God and go to Him when I struggle in daily life. What a Great God we serve!!
Was I ever able to identify with your day! Having five kids is often overwhelming, even without homeschooling. Many days I did what you did…went through the motions of doing what was required…wondering if the joy would ever return. Plugging right along is what we’re supposed to do when we face those kinds of days. Knowing they don’t last forever is encouraging. Now, as I look back on those years of raising our five, I wonder how in the world any of us survived. But we did, and our oldest is now 52 years old. Each of our children have told of us about fond memories of those years, and they turned out MORE than okay! One step at a time is the only way to get through it. Just like you’re doing! GOOD JOB!
Love,
Joyce
You aren’t the only who feels like that! Often when I am resentful of all the daily duties, I find that it’s because I am so disorganized with my day. I love to do things under pressure and therefore fritter my time away sometimes. Perhaps if I had a great whiteboard like you, I would be more cheerful – heh.heh. (nothing like being able to cross an item off the list!!) Greg, too, understands that even a trip to the store BY MYSELF can be so rejuvenating!! Thank the Lord that there is another day coming and we can start fresh all over again!
I’m sorry you had a rough day yesterday, beloved. I get so self-absorbed in my allergies, this time of year, that I am afraid I didn’t really even notice (except when you stomped through the room, yelling, “I quit!”). Seriously, I’m with you: I really hate it when joy is absent.
Exactly whose comfy chair are you sinking into? You’re not talking about Cream Puff, are you? A guy stops paying attention for even a minute and his recliner is misappropriated!
Hey Kath…
Gosh, after reading this, I felt like you had crawled into my brain and hijacked my thoughts, my life. Although, it’s only two little ones vying for my attention but I completely relate. Is it a homeschool thing, do you think? Are you still glad to be back at the Y? I’m asking these things because I, like you, can tend to be….”disgusted with my unstructured personality that had gotten us all here in the first place”. I have decisions to make about the Y in a couple of weeks and it is kind of scary. Especially when I can’t seem to draw boundaries to protect learning with my kids. I love all the things I do but I think I sacrifice our time on things that aren’t the BEST. They are good but maybe God wants to use someone else to do them, huh?-! Forgive my musings as I think about what you wrote.
God has called us to homeschooling and he will equip us and help us persevere!
Thanks for sharing. It HELPS SO MUCH to know that I’m not the only one feeling this way!
I love you my friend! I’m right there with ya!
Michelle
Oh, Kathy, I am sorry you have such a stinky day. I have quite a few of those these days. The “Littles” need so much attention, but then I feel I’m neglecting my other two. My house is never what I would like and too many days, my hubby walks in and dinner hasn’t even been started! Oh, I wish I could find some peace and joy on those days.
Hoping today is better.
Amy – how funny you served the same meal. What kind of beans? I LOVE those Costco chicken nuggets (super easy and a family favorite). The potatoes are also from Costco – they’re a little upscale from fries but I think, in retrospect, they are a little too garlicky for everyone but Joshua and me. Ha!
Sorry you have a sick child. I always worry the illness will spread through the entire family.
Joyce – thanks so much for writing! It’s wonderful to hear words of encouragement from someone who has “Been there and done that” (as they say). For the most part, I don’t want the children to grow up too fast and rush out of the house. I like having them all here (the little chicks in the roost). I try hard to remember that when the continually messy bedrooms start to bother me or the little voices, pleading for my attention, rise to a high pitch. Ha!
It’s nice to have some place where I can vent/share my feelings and know others are (or have) dealing with the same thing. I am trying hard to take care of myself in my eating and exercising but when I neglect my sleep (which I do often) it results in an overall lack of cheer. Gotta watch that one!
Posie – you definitely need a whiteboard! If nothing else, to have a place big enough to write out (and cross off) your to-do list. Of course, Jacob would probably take over the bottom half for drawing like Sarah does. Ha!
Isn’t it wonderful to have understanding husbands (who would probably NEVER choose to go shopping as recreation)!
Tim – um, I am just borrowing your comfy recliner. That’s right. I’m not misappropriating it or stealing it or claiming it as my own, just borrowing. If I be sure to call it “Tim’s chair” can I keep it in MY spot???
Michelle – Hi! In NO way did I climb into your brain and hijack your thoughts. I’m too exhausted dealing with my own troubled, muddled thoughts. Ha!!! I have to run and finish school. I want to write more about the Y when I have a few minutes. I’m sticking with the Y. I think it’s very good for the children (and me as I work out as well). The main thing that is required is more organization on my part to be sure we get school completed each day. One of the women at the Y said she starts school at 7 am each day to make sure they get it all done. Wow! That’s early for this night owl.
Debbie – my wonderful dh often looks around the messy kitchen wondering if we are going to have dinner. Sigh. Hard to do it all. I have a difficult time planning ahead. I THINK making out a menu would be a great idea but never really do it. I’m handicapped in that area. Ha! Thankfully I’m usually fairly cheerful so that slightly compensates for my disorganization flaw. People can forgive a lot when you are cheerful. Okay, they still want to eat, but if I can be silly and fun the whole family is usually willing to pitch in and help.
I’m with Amy in the comments who said it’s wonderful to have a God we can trust and go to in our daily struggles. Words of wisdom!
Oh, Kath–It’s so easy to lack joy for all the things that need to get done. This winter has been especially difficult for me that way. But I feel quite rebellious about the unstructured personality thing. There are so many hordes telling us moms that we are to be organized, neat, with beautiful houses, fit appearances, nicely clad children, planned meals, all appropriately budgeted, of course. But you know, unstructured personalities offer so many wonderful gifts–a fun, relaxed, accepting nature that truly loves, tolerates, and welcomes in lots of kinds of people as well as the ability to immediately switch gears to do whatever needs to be done. Organized, neatfreak people are wonderful, but so are flexible, fun, people-lovers. Our personalities ought to be given more credit!….. And it sounds to me like you handled everything right, since Tim barely noticed your down-ness. Lots of hugs.
Hi, Sweet Katherine. There isn’t much more to say!! But I won’t let that stop me, right!!
Thanks for being real and sharing. As you can see/read–it helps all of us!!
God loves you SOOOO much.
Me, too. Aunt Kate