Dad taught me about Life

Read your Bible and pray, every day. I’ve alluded to this already, but Mom and Dad put a high priority on spending time in the Word and in prayer each day. This has paved the way for me in making these things a part of my daily routine.

How to do the “Eustace voice” (in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, by C.S. Lewis). While this may not seem to be a very important life-skill, it is symbolic of the many special humorous touches my Dad has inserted into his life. Dad used to read aloud to us (and to Mom) a lot, and he always did have good voices. Dad is not afraid to abandon his dignity and be a little foolish if it would entertain his children — an example I have taken firmly to heart.

How to have a great family vacation. I still remember taking a month to cross the country when we moved from Fort Lewis to New York City, camping and hiking and generally having a glorious Summer. We skied in Switzerland and Germany and traveled throughout Austria, Holland, Italy, France, Spain and England during the four years we lived in Heidelberg. Wherever we went, Mom and Dad made sure to find things that were interesting to the kids yet at the same time pushed us to expand our rather limited cultural horizons. We didn’t always stay home having rubber-band fights.

Sometimes we went camping, but mostly Mom did the cooking.

If everyone is doing something, that is a good reason not to do it. Dad used to speak derisively of the ‘peasants’ who followed the ways of the world, who chased after fame or popularity or money or self-indulgence. Through ceaseless repetition, he taught me that following the lead of others was often a recipe for displeasing God, and encouraged me to passionately seek the will of God and to resist peer pressure.

Leadership is best taught by example. Dad was never afraid or too self-important to do any hard or unpleasant thing, but walks his talk consistently. Much as I would have liked to (during some of my rebellious phases), I was never really able to make the charge of hypocrisy stick on my Dad.

Know when you are right and stick to your guns. A choleric in personality type, my Dad (well, and my Mom, too — but this is Dad’s blog) taught me to hold my ground when I knew (especially from scripture) that I was on the right path. Not quite the diplomat that my Dad is, sometimes this gets me in trouble, but I value it highly nonetheless.

How to be humble. Jesus taught a parable rebuking those who sought the best seats at banquets:

When he noticed how the guests picked the places of honor at the table, he told them this parable: “When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, ‘Give this man your seat.’ Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place. But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all your fellow guests. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” (Luke 14:7-11)

My Dad lives out the principle of this parable, and has often been asked to ‘move up to a better place’. Humility is something I have lacked in any significant amount, and I’m striving to be more like him in that regard.

I guess I just love my Dad. Here he is.

Be polite especially when speaking hard truth. Some years ago my Dad used to send out little one- or two-page notes to the soldiers he worked with in the 9th Infantry Division. Sometimes he would speak critically of a deficiency in leadership or have some other hard-to-accept teaching to communicate, but he always ended his letters with “Warm regards”. I learned (and am still learning) from my Dad that hard words don’t have to be crammed down people’s throats — sometimes “a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down”. Kind of makes you want to burst into song, doesn’t it?

Take care of your stuff. Dad grew up in the years that the United States was entering World War II, and his parents were alive during the depression. Dad tells stories about the shortages their family faced, and has consistently tried to be a good steward of the durable (and not-so-durable) things that he has owned. In this age of disposable everything, it is good for me to remember a time, through my Dad, when people didn’t throw things away until every bit of value had been squeezed out of them.

People value what they pay for, but sometimes they need to hear things even when they don’t ask for it. Dad has often been the dispenser of unsolicited advice, and seems cheerfully unfazed when his advice is not accepted. As a veritable fountain of unsolicited advice in my own right, it is very good for me to see the way my Dad handles this.

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Dad taught me about Ministry and the Church

You have to be on your guard about false doctrine, even in the church. Dad always weighed the words of preachers and teachers in the church carefully, examining the scriptures and discussing them at length with Mom and with the kids. This has stood me in good stead and guarded me from disappointment as I have encountered misguided ideas and people within the church.

Church programs should be supported, even Sunday evening services. My parents were as busy as anyone else, but Dad always made being at church a priority, which has proved a good pattern for us to emulate.

Everyone should have a ministry in the church – use your spiritual gifts. My Dad has the gift of teaching, and he has nearly always found a place to teach in a local church or chapel, wherever we have lived. Happily, I also have the gift of teaching, and so I have tried to find ways to use that gift to build up the church.

As it turned out, Dad’s gift was not in the area of fashion, although the white socks and black shoes made a certain statement.

Always get involved in a Bible study whenever you can. My parents have generally either joined or started a Bible study wherever they have lived, and Kathy and I have tried to do the same. Some of the best friendships we have formed have come about as a result of our involvement in various Bible studies. This is yet another benefit of a godly heritage … so many things I have learned and take for granted that others with less-godly Dads never had modeled for them.

Don’t eat all the cupcakes. When I was nine or ten we attended a chapel that served frosted cupcakes after church every Sunday, in a variety of pastel colors. My Dad taught me not to take more than one or two, which has translated into an adult understanding that I am not a consumer when I go to church. We seek to serve rather than to be served at church — my Dad modeled that concept to me through his life as summarized in that phrase: “Don’t eat all the cupcakes.”

Why we go to church — we go to church because we love God and because He commands us not to forsake the assembling together. We need fellowship, we need instruction, we need to minister to the other parts of the Body of Christ. My Dad understood that and encouraged us kids, as we transitioned from teenagers to adulthood, to find a good church and to stick with it.

Make sure your family is taken care of by church programs. My Dad takes being the spiritual leader of his family seriously. As our priest, he sought our spiritual growth and chose churches that could minister to us as a family.

Remember that people in the church are sinners, too – don’t let them get you down. As an Army Chaplain, my Dad had lots of opportunities to see people in a negative light, and had several occasions when people opposed him in his ministry. Somehow he maintained a healthy attitude — I never saw him bitter or particularly discouraged about the sin of others in the church. It has been a tremendous encouragement to me as I have lived out my life as a member of various churches.

Hang in there, even when things aren’t perfect at a church. It has been said, “If there was a perfect church, they wouldn’t let me in.” In the Army, Chaplains tend to be either very good or very poor, and Dad has had the opportunity to work with both kinds. His dedication to various chapel programs even in the face of poor leadership has served as a template for me in dealing with less-than-perfect churches.

Choose a church that has a pastor who preaches from the scripture. My Dad has always been (at least in my experience) a good student of the Bible, and holds the scriptures up as the rule for living. As we have had occasion to be church-shopping quite a bit in recent years, it has been helpful to remember the fundamental ingredient of a good church.

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