Dad taught me about marriage
Marriage takes communication. My Dad spends hours talking to my Mom, nearly every day. Where some husbands grunt and nod their way through life, my Dad takes the time to listen and commune with his bride. Emulating my Dad in that area has been perhaps the single best thing in my marriage.
Marriage is important. My parents were married twice, but never divorced (once in Germany and once in Switzerland, there’s an interesting but not particularly scandalous story behind that). For this reason, they have twice as many anniversaries as most people, and my Dad takes greedy advantage of that. Nearly every month they celebrate their union in some special way, and their annual anniversaries are a big deal.
Mom and Dad, sitting on the future main lodge stairs of The Refuge.
Marriage means laying down your life for your wife. I have frequently seen my Dad abandon or defer his projects in support of my Mom. My Dad shows that he puts his bride ahead of himself.
Being a husband means being a servant to your wife. Sometimes my folks will have people over, and they’ll stay rather late. My Mom gets up early and shuts down around 10 pm – it is hard for her to face kitchen duty late at night. Although Dad often has a lot of work he wants to do in his study at night, I’ve seen him spend an hour or two cleaning up the kitchen so that my Mom won’t have to face the mess in the morning. He does this, not once in a blue moon, but pretty much every time people stay late. Dad carries things for my Mom, runs errands for her, and treats her as though he was courting her. They’ve been married now for a little more than 45 years, and he doesn’t seem to ever tire of serving my Mom.
How to cherish your wife. Dad always treats Mom in a gentlemanly way, loving her in courtesy and gifts and service and fun little ways. When I was a boy, he used to send her letters as their annual anniversary approached, pretending to be a scam ‘Mystery Gifts and Trips’ company and claiming she had ‘won’ some award or trip. He takes her on week-long trips to islands like Majorca, St. Thomas, the Canaries – we kids were always very envious.
How to be self-controlled in your speech. My Mom and Dad didn’t always agree. Sometimes they would argue, but I never heard my Dad raise his voice or speak harshly or hurtfully to my Mom. He thinks before he speaks, and he speaks in a kind and careful way, even when arguing.
How to live considerately with your wife. Most men don’t ever really understand their wives, and that may still be true of my Dad, but he certainly knows how to please my Mom. This relates somewhat to the way he serves her, but I am always challenged by the many ways that he is considerate of Mom, that he is careful not to trample on the things that she cares about, that he watches out for her needs.
How to support your wife’s dreams. My Mom is an author, a painter, a chef, a teacher, a gardener, and a host of other things. She brings passion to everything she does. My Dad enables her, believes in her, spends money and time on her pursuits. Although he served as an Army Chaplain and his ministry was in the ‘limelight’ for much of their marriage, he has often put his own desires below the need to build up and encourage my Mom in her dreams.
Pray and read the Bible with your wife. One of the things that I have recently begun doing more is praying with my wife. My Dad reads his Bible most mornings and spends a lot of time praying with my Mom, but I didn’t see much of it when I was growing up, since they did it before I woke up. Still, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to notice that their Bibles are out on the table most mornings.
Marriage is for the long haul. One thing I always knew was that my Dad was absolutely committed to his marriage with my Mom. While other kids’ parents were splitting up, I knew that ‘until death do us part’ was more than an idle wish for my folks. Dad consistently protected his relationship with Mom and made sure she felt special and cherished and supported (as I have already discussed).
