Yearly Archives: 2008

Daniel, Parenting

Tomato Stake Parenting

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Yesterday was a lousy day. Not the whole day, just one little slice of it (or maybe two or three slices). As a result of some mother/child interactions that were NOT pleasant, Tim and I have decided to begin a major Tomato Staking project with Daniel.

Daniel My Boy!

Until we see some serious, character changes that reflect a true heart transformation, Daniel is going to be “tomato staked” to one of his parents. He will be in the same room with one of us, he will work on school, chores, and other projects with supervision. Any play time (outside or otherwise) will be done only in an observed, supervised manner.

Tim and I discussed this at length last night and are resolved to be firm and committed to this course of action. This morning we brought Daniel upstairs and shared with him this new Change of Life and how it will affect him.

Today ended up looking something like this:

Daniel worked on school downstairs near me in the morning.
I accompanied him to his PE class at the YMCA.
In the afternoon he did school upstairs in the bedroom while Tim worked.
I was hit with a migraine (haven’t had one in over two years) and went straight to bed.
Tim moved his laptop downstairs and supervised Daniel’s work and the rest of the children while I slept.
After a LONG nap, I helped Daniel (amidst frustration and tears) with his geography assignment then handed him off to Tim while I did school reading with David and Sarah.
Rachel and Joshua went to a church picnic/party – Daniel did not have permission to attend.
Daniel finished his difficult assignment (hooray) and played an hour computer game with Tim.
Time for bed.

Tomorrow we begin all over again.

…we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:3-5

have a slurpee

I share this not to embarrass Daniel or single him out, apart from the rest of the family, but because I have great hope for what the Lord wants to do in Daniel’s life.

Because I believe parenting is worth doing well.
Because I think excellent parenting takes time and energy and sacrifice.
Because I believe we hurt our children when we let sin, disrespect and bad attitudes encamp in their hearts.
Because I think it is possible to hold our children to the high standard of godliness and maturity.
Because I hope others will be encouraged by our struggles and our victories.
Because I want Daniel to have this as a testimony of his parents’ love for him and the amazing work of God in his life.
Because I have complete and absolute faith in the veracity of the Word of God who promises He will complete the work He begins in His children.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

Kathy – Tomato Staking Mama

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Budget & Money, Works for Me Wednesday

WFMW – Free Grocery Money

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wfmw Life changes when you go On A Budget. There is both freedom and boundaries. I find it an interesting exercise. It’s difficult to say “no” but I’m extremely grateful that many times all I am saying no to is a shopping whim. We have money for necessities (and some splurges) and God is providing the means to continue paying off our debt.

These thoughts crossed my mind this week:

  1. There’s no money left in the grocery budget so I’m NOT going to stop at the produce market on the way home, even though I’m all alone and could shop there without any kid distractions.
  2. I’m almost out of toilet paper but I can’t afford a Costco run (there’s no money left in the households OR grocery budget). The smaller pack from the grocery store (on sale) will do fine.
  3. Who’s paying for THAT unexpected little purchase?
  4. I wonder if we could ride our bikes to the grocery store or walk and pull a wagon. Save money AND sneak in a workout – perfect!

Robert does some financial teaching

Is Miriam offering to pay?

None of these are Momentous Thoughts that will save us hundreds of dollars in our budget. They are, however, little baby steps that reveal a gradual shift in my thinking. A move, I hope, away from “I want = I put on credit.” It’s difficult and I can definitely see why Dave Ramsey insists a truly effective Money Makeover must begin in the heart.

What Works for Me this month is using some of our tax stimulus refund to take advantage of our grocery store’s free money giveaway. Gift cards purchased at Albertsons are granted an additional 10%. A $300 gift card to Albertsons was credited to us as $330. A free $30 to a store we shop weekly. What a fantastic deal!

Here is a list of some other retailers participating in similar offers.

Anyone else using some of their tax money in this way?

Kathy – visit Shannon in Rocks in My Dryer for other Works for Me Wednesday posts.

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Events, Project 366

Teens in Service

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Sometimes the house isn’t quite full enough with just five children. The signs include: periods of silence ranging from 10 to 45 seconds, cupboards and refrigerators with food still visible, and clean, tidy surfaces.

There’s only one thing to do in such instances – invite some more kids over, preferably for a sleepover. Throw in another family with five children, lots of pillows and sleeping bags and the house starts to feel cozy. If you can arrange for a few more kids to come by in the morning (and stay for the day), then you are doing an excellent job to remedy this terrible situation.

We had our church Small Group on Sunday evening. It was a lovely time of food and fellowship. We even managed to go through our parenting study. Talk about productive!

Libby is the boss

she tells the group how to play

Libby may be small, but she is definitely in charge!

As the night crept on and one family lingered, I realized it was time for my children to go to bed. Since the other mom and I were no where near finished with our lengthy conversation, the only thing to do was host an All Family Sleepover.

Well, not exactly “all” as mom and dad went home to their own beds, no doubt chuckling the whole time about convincing us to keep their sweet darlings overnight. Ha!

In the morning, after making a huge batch of pancakes, I realized shortly I would be heading out to pick up two of Rachel’s friends (sisters who would be spending the day with us). Instantly an email I had received earlier in the week flashed in my mind.

We are looking for any volunteers to come help paint the toddler room on Friday, May 23 and/or Saturday May 24 between the hours of 10am & 4pm.

Jenny, bethany, rachel, hannah and sarah

These girls are hard workers!

It wasn’t Friday or Saturday, but I thought there might be a good possibility someone still needed some painting done. I proposed the idea to the five pre-teen/teenagers devouring my pancakes and received an extraordinarily positive response.

Sure! We’d LOVE to paint at the church! all five enthused.

With that joyful reaction our day took on the shape of service. The kids piled into the van and we set off to pick up Rachel’s two friends. By the time we reached the church it was 10:30 am and we had seven ready and willing workers.

What a blessing! It was such a delightful encouragement to see the hearts of these teenagers (and almost teen agers) as they grabbed rollers and brushes and tackled the toddler room. We had the primer done in no time. When the children’s director asked if the kids could possibly come back and do some more painting in the afternoon, all five eagerly accepted the invitation.

Sure! We’d love to! If Mrs. E lets us.

Ah, that was a bit of the kicker. I was a cheerful part of the working team and heartily agreed to return after lunch. That is until I got home. And sat down in my chair. At that point I didn’t want to leave the house again until dinner time.

some paint on the walls, some on our bodies

Some of the paint actually ended up on the walls.

Tim, I said, shaking my head in disappointment no one else showed up to paint the toddler room.
No one in the whole church except Aleta, the Sunday School teacher, came. Isn’t that terrible?

But Kathy, he responded, they didn’t need anyone else. You all were there.

But, but, I sputtered, in indignation and disapproval.

You were the ones God used to work. You were the ones He provided.

Did I grade math assignments? Work on meal planning? Do laundry? Organize homeschool assignments? Email my parents who have been out of town this weekend? Or even sit down and read a book?

No.

But I was given the opportunity to serve. Not only that but I was blessed to create a situation where my children and their friends were able to serve.

joshua and timothy were a huge help

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Hebrews 10:24

And I think THAT is a pretty good way to spend Memorial Day.

Kathy
Project 366 – Day 146

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Family, Project 366

Growing Kids and Raising Gardens

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Today was a glorious Family Day. We were delighted to have the oldest two children home again, and I was determined, now that they’re home again, to spend the day doing something as a family.

Pool Buddies
David and Sarah serve as poster-children for sweetness toward each other.

“Don’t go to the book sale,” I begged Kathy on Tuesday, as she considered a scheme to attend a home-school curriculum sale on Saturday. “The kids will finally be back — we should all stay home together.”

The weather reports have been rather conflicted about this Saturday — first they said it would be partly cloudy, then they said it would be fully sunny, then yesterday they claimed there would be showers. I got up late, just in time to see some clouds rolling in. “It’s been beautifully sunny so far,” Joshua assured me, as I staggered downstairs, bleary-eyed.

Kathy wields the shears
Although odds were running 3:1 in favor of the bush, Kathy prevailed.

“If you want to see the sun today, you’d better get outside,” I informed Kathy gloomily. How wrong I was! The sun shone all day long, and the sky remained blue and mostly cloudless.

Rachel cuts boards for our raised-bed garden
Building the raised-bed garden was reminiscent of playing with Lincoln Logs.

We spent the day working on the yard and building a garden planter or two. It was a lot more fun than it sounds, and there were many chances for laughter and fun. The kids helped me plant a bunch of my never-ending crop of tomato seedlings, and Joshua shifted dirt from the driveway to the garden.

A load o' dirt
My oldest son returns home Thursday night, and six cubic yards of dirt are delivered early Friday morning. Coincidence? Maybe.

Kathy weed-whacked and pruned bushes and cooked delicious meals for us; whenever she could, she sneaked away to read her Dave Ramsey book.

Taking credit where little credit was due
Joshua was actually the one who filled the planter with dirt, but (since he doesn’t really like having his picture taken) Daniel and I horned in to take credit.

At one point, Rachel was playing an elaborate game of Trivia with the three younger kids — I just had to sneak up and take a few pictures, and to eavesdrop on their game.

Rachel holds court

Rachel enjoys a good laugh
These kids really know how to enjoy each other.

We had Slurpees™, ate fried chicken and (once it began to get dark) watched most of National Treasure 2, which Kathy bought for our anniversary. I provided sherbet and some Tillamook Mud Slide ice cream, which was every bit as good as it sounds.

Planter Number 2
There were a few design flaws on the first raised-bed garden, so I’m trying again. Besides, we still have lots more dirt.

One of the “Fathers Mandates” we’ve been studying in our Growing Kids God’s Way parenting study is the establishment of family identity. We joke about matching T-shirts, but I’ve often thought that a strong and positive family identity can serve as an excellent shield against many forms of outside temptation. While I read “the chapter” to the kids tonight, we all agreed: this was a very good day to be in our family.

Tim
Project 366, Day 115

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Kathy, Marriage, Tim

Sixteen Candles

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No, I’m not referring to a Brat Pack film about unrequited love and a forgotten birthday from the early 80′s. Instead, I’m privileged and delighted to celebrate the 16th anniversary of my wedding to the girl of my dreams.

Kathy and her Dad, minutes before our wedding ceremony
“Daddy, I’m not sure I want to go through with this … “

As we stood in the hallway this afternoon, sneaking a quick smooch, Kathy asked me, “Doesn’t it seem like yesterday, that we were living upstairs from Nancy in our little Stamford apartment?”

It does seem only a few years ago … I remember when it was just the two of us, and we still felt like kids, just pretending to be married people until the real grownups came home and sent us off to our rooms.

Wedding Recessional
Mr. and Mrs. Edgren take their first few steps together …

Time’s relentless current has swept us through the years, and here we are with five children, less energy, a very full and busy life, and just a little more wisdom, than when we started. In all this I have learned one important thing: to give thanks. We have so much to be thankful for, so (as any good parent will agree) I should write a thank-you note.

A Thank-You Note to God

Thank you, dear Jesus, for loving us and for saving us from our sin through your death on the cross. Thank you for adopting us into your family and giving us the Holy Spirit to guide us in joy and righteousness. Thank you for arranging our lives so that we could meet at a time when we were both capable of loving and being loved.

Thank you for protecting us from being too intimate (with others and with each other) before we were married. Thank you for blessing us with good communication skills, and with a good marriage. Thank you for teaching us how to fight gently, and for restraining our speech so we didn’t say things that would hurt each other deeply.

Thank you for giving me the ability to work and earn a good living, and thank you for helping us manage our money. Thank you for blessing us with the courage and desire to raise five children, and for giving us the fertility to conceive them and bring them into the world. Thank you for growing us in maturity and grace, and for helping us to build our faith and our love for you.

Thank you for giving us excellent examples in our parents, of marriages built for the long haul. Thank you for allowing some trouble in our lives, so that we could learn to hope and persevere. Thank you for sixteen great years of life together.

I have some regrets about my life. I wasted some years in high school, fighting spitefully with my parents. I spent nearly a decade getting through college, carelessly losing my scholarship and taking a lot more time to grow up than I should have needed. But I can’t say that I regret any of the years since I found my sweet Kathy — she has filled up my days with fun and joy and purpose and meaning, as we build our family and present it as our offering to our Lord.

Kathy at Crim Dell
They say that if you kiss a girl at the top of this bridge, you’ll be with her forever. Kathy and I took extra care to make sure.

Indeed, candles are a poor metaphor, burning out so quickly and dribbling inedible wax on the cake. Perhaps it would be better to speak of jewels in a crown, one for each year that we have enjoyed, loving and serving each other as unto the Lord. A few months ago we had the chance to honor a couple at our church who had been married some sixty-plus years. As the applause of the congregation washed over the white-haired pair, I quietly resolved, “unless the Lord takes us home, there’s Kathy and I in fifty years.”

These days many think that when marriage gets tough, they are free to walk. Others don’t bother with marriage at all, and some misguided folk even think same-sex relationships should be called ‘marriages’. Kathy and I place a high value on marriage in the sight of God, between a man and a woman, and we continue to honor our vow from that day, sixteen years ago: ‘Til death do us part. My heart still skips a beat when I look at her sometimes … not because she’s still a 21-year-old hottie, but because our love and trust and investment in each other has grown and grown over these years.

Happy Anniversary, Beloved.

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