Childhood Friendships

It is clear to me that the children have inherited my deep love for relationships. Likewise, they have also been very blessed in the friends who have come into their lives. When we lived out in the country (sometimes a very lonely existence), we were inexplicably surrounded by Christian families (many of whom were also homeschooling). Deep and lasting friendships resulted from those years. Often the teenagers would come over and babysit the little ones while I did school with the older three kids, the moms opened their homes for coffee and visiting, and the children ran with their “pack” of friends.

The kids all gather for Joshua's birthday.

Birthdays were crazy and fun as the children (including siblings) would gather to celebrate. I couldn’t find a picture that included ALL the neighborhood kids, but the memories are precious and vivid.

As the years pass, I see it over and over again, the respect and honor for friendship blossoming in my children. Joshua has a close friend from Michigan who has vacationed with us several years running, both here in Washington and in Texas. Rachel has the unique ability to maintain old friendships while still reaching out and welcoming new people in her life. Joshua and a homeschooling friend who has moved to the southwest talk on the phone nearly every week. Daniel is saving his money to go visit his best friend, Zachary, who now lives in Thailand. Neither boy seems to be a bit daunted by the years and miles that have separated them as Zachary’s parents serve as missionaries. It is especially a joy to see how most of these friendships develop around families.

Joshua and David R. are bookends to a bunch of silly swimmers.

The Burts are dear friends and we miss them terribly while they are far off in Thailand.

David and Sarah are following in the excellent example of their older siblings. They constantly open their hearts and homes to friends of all ages. They are ready to host play dates and parties on a moments notice and don’t think twice about including younger or older siblings. They routinely set up outings at the park with friends.

Last week we had the opportunity to go to the new Children’s Museum of Tacoma with some friends. David and Sarah were a little bit older than the typical crowd, but they enjoyed their time thoroughly. The reason being? They were with friends.

The best thing about the museum was definitely the water works.

I suspect they were secretly hoping to flood the place.

And next week they are excited to know that we’ll be keeping some of their closest friends for two days while their parents are out of town.

I am impressed by the quality of friendships that all my children display and the sweet, mature, godly, fun people that they choose to call friends.

Kathy

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Family Values

With our oldest son preparing for college, it makes me wonder: “Have I been faithful to teach him everything he needs to know, to be a godly man?” If not, is it too late? And if I have, am I making sure that the other four kids are also learning what he has learned?

A couple of weeks ago, Kathy was listening to some parenting sermons, and she asked me what our family values are. Apparently one of the preachers advocated coming up with a list of core principles that everyone in the family should know. When I didn’t leap into action, she whipped up a quick list … but since I didn’t write it myself, I was hesitant to embrace it. As much as I have tried to ignore this question, it keeps niggling at my subconscious.

What are our family values? What makes us special as Edgrens?

  1. Don’t eat Dad’s Nutella.
  2. If you use up the toilet paper, go get another roll.
  3. Don’t wake Rachel before 10 am.
  4. Always give your Starbucks cards to Mom.
  5. Leftovers are never left over.
  6. The family that sings together, has more fun.
  7. There’s nothing quite as special as that bond between a boy and his frisbee.
  8. If we do it twice, it is a tradition!

Hmmm. Maybe this first list of values needs a little work.

Over Christmas last year, we had the opportunity to celebrate my parents’ 50th anniversary with Kathy’s mom, my brother, my sister, and their families. It made me think about my children, and how who they are is defined (at least in part) by the extended family we belong to.

So, really, what are our family values? I think there certainly is no doubt about the #1 value. Kathy and I have both been deeply influenced by the Westminster Shorter Catechism, which begins: “What is the chief end of man? Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.” I think we would say that our core family value is that we seek to be reconciled with God through the blood of Jesus, which was shed for us for the remission of our sins, so that we can glorify God and enjoy Him forever. For that reason we have taught each of our children the gospel at a very young age, and each of them has chosen to follow Jesus. That’s what Edgrens have done for generations, now, and that’s what we intend to keep doing, as a family and as individuals. We seek to live out Deuteronomy 6:5:

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

But (at least when it comes to writing a blog about them) that is sort of a cheater value — it ought to be the core value of any family. What else do I want my children to know, deep in their bones, before they leave the home?

Our family: non-stop silliness since 1992.

Kathy’s list (edited by me, of course) seems a good place to start:

  • Be obedient to the Scriptures
  • Joyfully serve others — use your spiritual gifts
  • Respect others
  • Allow the Holy Spirit to work in your life — display love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control
  • Love children
  • Pursue Holiness
  • Choose a godly spouse in a godly way
  • Live as ambassadors for Christ
  • Love the Bible and have a good understanding of church doctrine
  • Submit cheerfully to those in authority over you

Strangely, the next value that comes to my mind, after loving God, is humor. Kathy and I love to laugh, and we take great joy in many of the twists and turns of our lives. We greatly value the ability to find and share joyful humor with others, and continually seek to hone the skill of laughing at our own foibles as an effective antidote to pride or despair. Laughter and joy are a big part of the glue that holds us together as a couple and as a family — I really want my children to know how to find and promote joy and humor in their lives and in the lives of the people around them, before they leave our home.

What about you? What do you seek to instill in your children?

Tim

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Personalized Math Graphing Books

We discovered a new aspect to our math studies this year (in addition to our math IXL drills) – graph paper.

Nothing like graph paper to keep those pesky numbers in line.

Daniel and Rachel were required to use specific graph paper notebooks for their online Algebra classes. Rachel never took a fancy to the graphing paper, instead preferring regular, lined paper and a 3-ring binder, but Daniel loved his and is already on a second notebook.

David discovered a small stack of graph paper and soon worked his way through it, enjoying the way it helped him keep track of the numbers.

David is ready to do some serious math now.

Sarah too began to ask for sheets of graph paper.

Okay, I may be a busy and distracted mama, but I know when to pay attention, and the request for school supplies filtered right to the top. A quick search on Amazon yielded some affordable graphing notebooks, and we were set.

As much as David and Sarah are sweet and companionable buddies and do a good portion of their homeschooling work together, they still desire autonomy and individuality. Hmmmm, what to do? The notebooks were exactly the same.

Sarah came to the rescue with a handy stack of letter stickers.

Math can be pretty and functional.

A coat of Mod Podge to keep the stickers in place, and we were in business.

Kathy

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Forgotten Math

When our children were very young, Kathy and I decided to homeschool them. “It’ll be great,” Kathy enthused. “I’ll handle English and History, and you can teach Math and Science.”

Fast-forward twelve years, and I think I’ve taught a handful of science lessons and have engaged in only sporadic, drive-by math tutoring. As a homeschooling Dad, I’m a washout — Kathy has had to carry the full weight of pretty much all the schooling for all five kids. Even our recent discovery of IXL fails to redeem me.

Now that the kids are older, math tutoring is accompanied by a certain amount of terror: how can I tutor if I don’t remember how to solve the problems, myself? It has been more years than I would care to admit since I was in Algebra I or II, and I only learned it so well the first time. Contrary to what math teachers may say, a lot of mathematics learning is never used again in real life. It is often a ticket to other learning, and certainly some fields are more math-intensive than others, but I think I’ve avoided all but the simplest math ever since I was out of school, even though I’m a programmer by trade. That is, after all, what computers are for.

It has been a long time since I solved a quadratic equation.

The other day, Kathy asked me to help Rachel prepare for her upcoming Math test. Even with the answer key, nothing was making sense to her, so I reluctantly stepped in. Rachel is an excellent student: tenacious and stubborn and diligent. For some reason, she has very low confidence in Math, even though she consistently receives grades in the low 90′s. I am determined that she conquer this self-perception problem — I don’t insist that she enjoy math, but (for all the work she puts into it) I really want her to enjoy the rewards of proficiency.

[Parenthetically, the kids tend to avoid me as a math teacher. I usually have to re-discover whatever mathematic principle they are studying, and it takes quite a while -- they'd rather have a quick-fix (or better yet, just have me give them the answer).]

Rachel has recently entered the Federal Math-Witness Protection Program.

But Rachel is really taking her math seriously, these days — so she swallowed her reluctance and cheerfully bore my ponderous tutoring. At one point, we found ourselves united in our anger toward the suspension bridge word problems. “If that stupid cable company delivers one more cable to our bridge without labeling it, heads will roll,” we agreed.

Father-daughter bonding, or fodder for future therapy? Only time will tell.

Tim

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Michigan Memories

“Come and spend a week in Michigan,” my mom proposed hopefully early in February. “When do the kids have their winter break?”

It just so happened the week-long break of the kids online classes fell on the one year anniversary of my father’s death from cancer.

Isn’t God so kind when He tenderly places one or two “just so happened” in your path. Not only was it the week off from The Potters School, it was also winter break for Daniel and Joshua’s NJROTC classes.

Deep breath – gathering with family, reliving memories of Dad, laughing, crying, a new house for Mom, more memories, and an anniversary full of “Firsts”.

Standing outside Mamie's new condo

“I’ll come,” I promised, “shall I bring Rachel?”

“Definitely,” Mom laughed, “if she can bear to leave the kittens behind.”

Logan LOVES all things trains - Rachel is a great cousin!

And so Rachel and I packed our things and set off for a red-eye flight to Detroit. We landed amidst falling snow, climbed into Mom’s (or Mamie as she is known to the grandkids) car and wound our way to her new condo. How odd to see my sweet mother begin a new chapter in her life; a chapter full of precious, dear friends, a vibrant church, a lovely new home, and yet empty of the very person who mattered most and has been her Beloved for nearly fifty years.

Mom/Cindy, Jan, Nancy, Sue, and Janie - beautiful women and true friends

Rachel and I were honored to be included in several outings with Mamie’s friends. It is very evident to me that she is richly blessed with some incredible, godly, faithful friendships.

Mamie is well loved and cared for - these are just a few of her dear friends.

Yes, indeed. The boys came and we laughed and cried and talked about memories. Logan (age 3) played trains and insisted the celebration was all for his birthday. The cousins enjoyed each other and opened presents and snacked on our traditional Christmas treats. We spent the first holiday together in the new condo – Christmas/Valentine’s Day/Easter all rolled into one. We bought things for the new place, played Wii games, and watched old family slides. We worshiped together on Sunday, we hugged and then we said goodbye.

Me, Mom and Jenn

We tried to acknowledge all the winter birthdays, but it was Logan who blew out the candles!

IKEA makes it easy to outfit a new place.

It was good. There was loss and change and tension. And the twinkle and energy and gentle force that made up Grandad was NOT there. Still, somehow we march on. We worry/trust, hurt/forgive, doubt/believe. We laugh and cry and remember and somehow the days pass.

Aunt Emily and Uncle Phil are always a joy to see - Chase and Rachel agree.

God is Good. He is true and present; He has not abandoned us. We have all seen how He has walked closely with Mom every step of this journey. It is comforting to watch Him work and encouraging to see Mom’s faithful response.

Hopefully we can count on family to carry us through some hard times.


Dearest Mamie,

I am so proud of you. You are an amazing example to me (and others) of true grace and strength. I know you don’t want to be strong, but every day I see you clinging to Jesus and finding the courage to go on. I know you don’t want (at such a cost) to be a model of faith and beauty in sorrow, but you are. I know you often feel depleted and weak and lacking “people energy,” and yet over and over I see you ministering to others, reaching out to the lonely and sad. You reflect God’s wisdom in your countenance, words and counsel and, even in the darkest days, you shine with the light of Jesus’ redeeming work.

Thank you for being so transparent in your grief and sadness; so loving in your care for Dad, me, Tim, my children, your sons/daughters-in-law, and the grandchildren; so generous with your time and resources; so clear in your beliefs; so completely and utterly supportive of me as your daughter; and most of all a passionate follower of Jesus.

I love you!

Kathy

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