All posts by Tim

Family Values

With our oldest son preparing for college, it makes me wonder: “Have I been faithful to teach him everything he needs to know, to be a godly man?” If not, is it too late? And if I have, am I making sure that the other four kids are also learning what he has learned?

A couple of weeks ago, Kathy was listening to some parenting sermons, and she asked me what our family values are. Apparently one of the preachers advocated coming up with a list of core principles that everyone in the family should know. When I didn’t leap into action, she whipped up a quick list … but since I didn’t write it myself, I was hesitant to embrace it. As much as I have tried to ignore this question, it keeps niggling at my subconscious.

What are our family values? What makes us special as Edgrens?

  1. Don’t eat Dad’s Nutella.
  2. If you use up the toilet paper, go get another roll.
  3. Don’t wake Rachel before 10 am.
  4. Always give your Starbucks cards to Mom.
  5. Leftovers are never left over.
  6. The family that sings together, has more fun.
  7. There’s nothing quite as special as that bond between a boy and his frisbee.
  8. If we do it twice, it is a tradition!

Hmmm. Maybe this first list of values needs a little work.

Over Christmas last year, we had the opportunity to celebrate my parents’ 50th anniversary with Kathy’s mom, my brother, my sister, and their families. It made me think about my children, and how who they are is defined (at least in part) by the extended family we belong to.

So, really, what are our family values? I think there certainly is no doubt about the #1 value. Kathy and I have both been deeply influenced by the Westminster Shorter Catechism, which begins: “What is the chief end of man? Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.” I think we would say that our core family value is that we seek to be reconciled with God through the blood of Jesus, which was shed for us for the remission of our sins, so that we can glorify God and enjoy Him forever. For that reason we have taught each of our children the gospel at a very young age, and each of them has chosen to follow Jesus. That’s what Edgrens have done for generations, now, and that’s what we intend to keep doing, as a family and as individuals. We seek to live out Deuteronomy 6:5:

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

But (at least when it comes to writing a blog about them) that is sort of a cheater value — it ought to be the core value of any family. What else do I want my children to know, deep in their bones, before they leave the home?

Our family: non-stop silliness since 1992.

Kathy’s list (edited by me, of course) seems a good place to start:

  • Be obedient to the Scriptures
  • Joyfully serve others — use your spiritual gifts
  • Respect others
  • Allow the Holy Spirit to work in your life — display love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control
  • Love children
  • Pursue Holiness
  • Choose a godly spouse in a godly way
  • Live as ambassadors for Christ
  • Love the Bible and have a good understanding of church doctrine
  • Submit cheerfully to those in authority over you

Strangely, the next value that comes to my mind, after loving God, is humor. Kathy and I love to laugh, and we take great joy in many of the twists and turns of our lives. We greatly value the ability to find and share joyful humor with others, and continually seek to hone the skill of laughing at our own foibles as an effective antidote to pride or despair. Laughter and joy are a big part of the glue that holds us together as a couple and as a family — I really want my children to know how to find and promote joy and humor in their lives and in the lives of the people around them, before they leave our home.

What about you? What do you seek to instill in your children?

Tim

Share or follow

Related posts:

Forgotten Math

When our children were very young, Kathy and I decided to homeschool them. “It’ll be great,” Kathy enthused. “I’ll handle English and History, and you can teach Math and Science.”

Fast-forward twelve years, and I think I’ve taught a handful of science lessons and have engaged in only sporadic, drive-by math tutoring. As a homeschooling Dad, I’m a washout — Kathy has had to carry the full weight of pretty much all the schooling for all five kids. Even our recent discovery of IXL fails to redeem me.

Now that the kids are older, math tutoring is accompanied by a certain amount of terror: how can I tutor if I don’t remember how to solve the problems, myself? It has been more years than I would care to admit since I was in Algebra I or II, and I only learned it so well the first time. Contrary to what math teachers may say, a lot of mathematics learning is never used again in real life. It is often a ticket to other learning, and certainly some fields are more math-intensive than others, but I think I’ve avoided all but the simplest math ever since I was out of school, even though I’m a programmer by trade. That is, after all, what computers are for.

It has been a long time since I solved a quadratic equation.

The other day, Kathy asked me to help Rachel prepare for her upcoming Math test. Even with the answer key, nothing was making sense to her, so I reluctantly stepped in. Rachel is an excellent student: tenacious and stubborn and diligent. For some reason, she has very low confidence in Math, even though she consistently receives grades in the low 90′s. I am determined that she conquer this self-perception problem — I don’t insist that she enjoy math, but (for all the work she puts into it) I really want her to enjoy the rewards of proficiency.

[Parenthetically, the kids tend to avoid me as a math teacher. I usually have to re-discover whatever mathematic principle they are studying, and it takes quite a while -- they'd rather have a quick-fix (or better yet, just have me give them the answer).]

Rachel has recently entered the Federal Math-Witness Protection Program.

But Rachel is really taking her math seriously, these days — so she swallowed her reluctance and cheerfully bore my ponderous tutoring. At one point, we found ourselves united in our anger toward the suspension bridge word problems. “If that stupid cable company delivers one more cable to our bridge without labeling it, heads will roll,” we agreed.

Father-daughter bonding, or fodder for future therapy? Only time will tell.

Tim

Share or follow

Related posts:

Lost Days of 2011 — Labor Day Pastor’s Conference

Each September, my Dad hosts a conference for Pastors at The Refuge, a Christian retreat center on the Olympic peninsula. I think this year’s event was the sixth of its name, with between 50 and 60 pastors and spouses in attendance.

My Dad opened the retreat with a few welcoming remarks.

We are very excited about The Refuge opening soon for overnight events. It has been ten years or more in the building, but there are hopes of an occupancy permit being issued in the next month or so. In the meantime, we’ve had to make do with the Duckabush House (sleeps only 9 or 10) and day-only events that don’t require a fully-operational facility, like last year’s Pastor’s Conference.

The retreat started with a worshipful concert by the Hastings family at the Amphitheater.

This year we had the opportunity to work as volunteers for most of the conference. Rising at crack o’ dawn (before 7 am!) we drove out to the Olympic Peninsula in time for the kids to serve as parking attendants and to run errands for Grandma, who was in the thick of the food preparation with the Hastings girls. Kathy helped with the food while I took pictures.

Picnic at the pond with the Hastings

The Hastings family (a large, homeschooling family) led worship for the conference, with several extended musical sessions. My parents were very pleased to have them in attendance, and wanted to make sure I took lots of pictures of this multi-talented family.

The Refuge grounds remind us of the awesome artistry of the Creator of Heaven and Earth.

The conference is an all-day event, with lunch served (weather permitting) on the lawn beside Jeannette Pond, near the gazebo. Labor Day weather is usually clear and warm in this part of Washington, truly optimal for a lunchtime picnic.

David and Sarah welcomed the guests with smiling faces.

The Pastor’s conference was a great opportunity for our family to serve together and to bring the dream of The Refuge one step closer to reality. This Spring, the Refuge will open its doors for overnight retreats and conferences. We look forward to a long and illustrious ministry as God uses this beautiful facility for His glory.

Tim

Share or follow

Related posts:

A Starving College Student

When I was a Freshman in college, I was required to buy the 19-meal plan (per week). As I recall, it was between $700 and $900 per semester, and seemed rather pricey at the time. I lived in a dormitory just a hundred yards down the hill from ‘The Caf’, as we called it. I wasn’t there for many breakfasts, but it was nice to have an all-you-can-eat option at lunch and supper time.

I remember we ate (in addition to Caf food) a lot of cardboardy dollar pizzas, drank Grape Nehi sodas out of the vending machine for 35 cents apiece, at that time i desired they had a variety like the one they have in Melbourne (Looking for vending machine hire melbourne? You should contact Royal vending for snacks and drinks service). Then would drive to Hardee’s just before midnight. Hardee’s served milkshakes until 12 am, but they wouldn’t serve our favorite Steak & Egg Biscuits until after midnight, no matter how we cajoled them. So we’d drive two miles to the nearest Hardees at 11:50, order our milkshakes, and then stand around the lobby sipping our milkshakes until 12:01, when we’d order our biscuits.

Grape Nehi -- the nectar of my freshman year

In later years, I cooked for myself. My sophomore year, I learned to live on mashed potatoes, generic cornflakes, biscuits and macaroni & cheese. It was at that time that I firmly determined in my heart to choose a lifestyle in which I could earn enough money for decent food, or at least an occasional meat dish.

It was also at that time that I developed the ‘Little Debby Standard’, similar to the Gold or Silver standards on which currencies were at one time based. (These days, I think our currency is backed by the ‘Plastic Standard’, but that is another topic.) Anyway, the Little Debby Standard is the measure by which all grocery purchases are compared and judged, even now, some thirty years later. When purchasing a box of cereal for $3.00, I ask myself this question: “Is this box of cereal worth two boxes of Little Debby Nutty Bars?” Most of the time, the answer is a resounding ‘No!’.

My senior year, I shared a house with three or four others, and cooked a fair bit in the kitchen.

When I was a student, Mac & Cheese could still be found at the rate of four boxes for a dollar, and Campbell soups were never more than 50 cents (33 cents on sale). Ramen Noodles (by the case, of course) were less than ten cents apiece, and Little Debby snack cakes were 99 cents a box (or in rare cases, $.79 on sale). I miss those days, but am comforted by the fact that food prices have been fairly inflation-resistant, at least when compared to gasoline.

Student well-being is a big factor in the modern teaching space. Student seating but classroom chairs in particular need to not only be functional but promote a sense of well-being for the students in order for them to learn to the best of their ability. In the 21st century a significant opportunity exists for maximizing learning opportunities and creating meaningful spaces by rethinking the design of the learning space. This can begin with the chairs in which students sit on.you can Check Classroom Chairs by click on woodsfurniturenz.co.nz

Basic sustenance for a college student

As Joshua prepares his heart and mind to attend college in the Fall, we are starting to think of what he will need to succeed. Assuming a 16-week semester, and meal plan options that offer ten or fifteen meals a week respectively, Joshua will probably need to learn to buy groceries and (at some level) prepare them for himself. We have hopes of teaching him to bake Kathy’s family’s famous Mesa Manna before he heads off to school. We’re mulling over the possibility of teaching him to make a basic tomato-based stew in a crock pot, should he venture so far into the field of culinary arts. But at the very least, he needs to know how to shop for the basic necessities of life without bankrupting himself. Hence the Little Debby Standard.

Nothing makes you hungry quite like Calculus.

Today, I took Joshua to shop with me at WinCo, a defiantly non-union grocery store in our area with decent prices. We spent the better part of 90 minutes shopping for food that a college student might need as a supplementary to a meal plan. It was fun for me to relive some of those hours of bewilderment that I spent as a single man in the aisles of the grocery store.

In retrospect, I realize how clever my Mom was. She used to take me with her to the Commissary, under the pretense of not wanting to drive. Now I realize that she was stealthily and kindly teaching me the value of my dollar when food shopping. I’m not sure this excursion was much fun for Joshua, though. He really hates shopping, and was a little panicky and wild-eyed toward the end. But I hope I managed to teach these basic principles:

  • Start by buying and eating the cheapest food item in each category, and work up from there. If you can stand the generic brand, great, you’ve saved yourself all that needless marketing and packaging cost. If not, then you’ll appreciate the name-brand version all the more, or you can decide (according to the Little Debby Standard) to go without altogether.
  • Avoid purchasing meats, fruits or vegetables. That is why you buy at least a partial meal plan — to avoid the expense, hassle and spoilage of preparing and presenting meats and vegetables. Let them worry about your roasts and salads and (if possible) grab fruit on the way out of the cafeteria for late-night snacks.
  • Wherever possible, buy food that doesn’t require refrigeration or freezing. If (as we expect) Joshua will be sharing a common living area, kitchen and refrigerator with three other young men, room in the freezer and fridge may be at a premium, at least on occasion. Pragmatically, food that can be stored in your room is less likely to be filched by others than that left invitingly in a common fridge.
  • Although food packaged in larger quantities may seem cheaper, if it spoils or is wasted, it isn’t cheaper, after all. When cooking and eating as a single man, economies of scale are hard to come by, unless you enjoy feeding your entire dormitory. (Amusingly, every time I tried to demonstrate this principle, the smaller packages were the same price or cheaper, on a unit basis. Sometimes the grocery stores just don’t cooperate.)

It turns out that a key food item for Joshua is peanut butter, which slightly surprised me.

In the end, we spent about $100 for what looked to be about two weeks’ worth of supplementary groceries, assuming a 15-meals-a-week meal plan. I had Joshua watch the prices, and keep the receipt — then we talked through it all with Kathy when we got home. As one much more nutrition-oriented, she had some important insights, but seemed to generally approve our excursion, if not necessarily our choices.

It will be interesting to see how Joshua copes with living on his own. Maybe he can persuade his cousin, Rebecca to cook for him … ?

What about you? What are your memories of college food? What advice would you offer to Joshua, as he heads off to school?
Tim

Share or follow

Related posts:

Dreading AWANA Council Time

Perhaps my favorite time of the week is Wednesday night, after AWANA. This is closely associated with my least favorite time of the week, often about an hour or two before AWANA. (AWANA stands for ‘Approved Workmen Are Not Ashamed’. A weekly program hosted by many churches, AWANA is a little like a Christian scouting program. It involves a lot of memorization of scripture.)

As the Truth & Training (T&T) Director, I’m responsible for the third, fourth and fifth grade part of AWANA at our church, including about 40 kids and a dozen adult leaders. Each week, I oversee Handbook Time (in which the kids work at memorizing scripture in their AWANA work books), Game Time (in which they play various games in our church gymnasium) and Council Time (in which they listen or watch a presentation). Each section is about 30 minutes in length, and Council Time is pretty much my responsibility.

The bold and talented Games Leader Team -- Nate and Josh.

Most of the work of Handbook Time is done by the leaders, who listen to the kids labor through their memorized (or in some cases, not-so-memorized) sections. Game time is handled almost entirely by Joshua and Nate, the fearless grey-shirted Game Directors. But Council Time is always a challenge. How do you get 30 or 40 wiggly kids to sit still for a 25-minute lecture on discipleship? Mostly, I don’t.

Gideon's mustachioed neighbors blissfully sleep the night away

Not long after I became the T&T Director, I hit upon a happy solution: performing skits and puppet shows. As it turns out, the T&T kids love to watch the high school leaders appearing in the skits I invent on the train, Tuesday mornings on my way to work. Strangely, the high school leaders seem to greatly enjoy serving as impromptu actors and actresses — they show up, week after week, cheerfully accepting whatever roles I hand them, often as little as an hour before AWANA starts.

This week’s skit featured the first part of the story of Gideon; with Midianites and idol worship and God’s selection of an unlikely hero. In a surprise twist, the younger students (Sparks, Kindergarten through 2nd grade) joined us for Council Time. As is often the case, our skit included lots of physical humor, and a period of pain-staking explanation afterwards, to make sure they understood the key points.

I played the part of Gideon's cowardly servant. "I'll be right behind you," I assured him.

I don’t know why, but I’m often surprised when the Holy Spirit empowers the skit and makes it effective, in spite of my hurried script-writing, and our usual lack of rehearsal time. I dread Council Time beforehand, but am almost always euphoric afterwards, thanks to God’s goodness. I think God must really love these kids, because He seems to pour out His Spirit on our efforts on a regular basis.

Tim

Share or follow

Related posts: