All posts by Tim

Holidays, Joshua

Lost Days of 2011 — No More Fake Trees

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Last year was not a banner year for our family blog. We had only 10 posts, and none from Joshua’s birthday (October 18) forward. Remembering my previous assertion that “if it wasn’t on the blog, it didn’t happen” I am moved to remember a few of the ‘lost days’ of 2011.

About five or six years ago, Kathy visited Lowe’s during the post-Christmas sales, and saw a deal on an artificial Christmas tree that she couldn’t resist. She brought it home, and we’ve saved $30 or $40 each year since, with our re-useable artificial tree. Sadly, it drives Joshua crazy — he actively hates the very idea of an artificial tree. But once you have a fake tree, you might as well use it; so we’ve turned a deaf ear to the grinding of his teeth.

Joshua examines a possible candidate

This year, he’d had enough. “I don’t care about the money,” Joshua insisted. “This may be the last Christmas I am living at home, and by golly we’re getting a real tree.” Sensing our objection, he headed us off at the pass. “I’ll pay,” he growled.

So we all jumped in the car after church on that fine December day, and we soon found ourselves in the Lowe’s parking lot. Dutifully, we trooped in behind Joshua, as he dismissed the lesser trees and settled on a sturdy-looking $40 specimen.

“Now that’s a Noble Fir,” I told the kids, showing off my arboreal expertise.

“Yeah, we can read, too, Dad.” They pointed at the ‘Noble Firs’ sign that I was trying to conceal.

It was truly a Noble Fir -- everyone agreed.

Soon we had bagged the tree and were tying it to the roof of our van, in triumph. We brought it home and found the tree stand that Debbie L. had somehow not forced us to give to the Goodwill in one of her several stints as our garage-cleaning and decluttering consultant.

Daniel and Joshua put their knot-tying expertise to good use, securing the tree.

It was actually quite a fun family outing, nearly worth the $40 that poor Joshua had to shell out for the tree. The only problem was that the tree was so perfectly formed, that everyone who saw it assumed it was a fake tree, which drove Joshua back to grinding his teeth. Still, it was very nice to have the scent of pine in the house — we kept it until the end of January, to eke out every last penny of value.

Admittedly, our whole family is very fond of Christmas

Even the new kittens liked it. Turning up their noses at their water bowls, they insisted on drinking out of the tree-stand at the base of the tree.

Tim

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Parenting, Tim

Renaissance Parenting

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It always strikes terror into my soul, when I hear that my wife is reading a new parenting book.

“Oh, great,” I think. “Another picture-perfect family, another book full of spiritual wisdom, another chance to show me up as a loser Dad.”

The people in these books always seem so together. Their parenting philosophies are congruent and based in scripture. Their illustrations are clever and informative. The Dads in these parenting books, especially, seem to be poweful men of quiet wisdom and grace. They always seem to know what to say, moving easily through family crises without ruffled feathers. They don’t get angry or irrational — they always seem to be in control without having to flaunt it.

Kathy's Mom always seems to know just what to say.

I guess it makes sense. Parenting books aren’t best-sellers, in the most optimum conditions — most people don’t like to be told how to parent in the first place. So perhaps only the best and the brightest are published. Still, just once, I’d like to read a parenting book by someone a bit more, well, ‘normal’. Something that had an introduction a bit like this:

“My wife seems to think that we should write a parenting book, because we’ve raised a bunch of kids and they’re all still alive, and none of them are in therapy. To tell you the truth, we pretty much just made it all up as we went along … “

I’ve decided (by the process of elimination) not to be a ‘together’ sort of Dad, but rather to pride myself on my ‘Renaissance Parenting’ technique. I borrow a little here, adapt a little there, and patch it all together into a half-baked system that mostly works, even if it isn’t very coherent, from a philosophical perspective.

A while back, Kathy read Keeping Our Children’s Hearts by Steven and Teri Maxwell (Titus2.com) and borrowed a few ideas from them.

“The Maxwells meet with each of their kids once a week,” Kathy tells me, “to catch up with them and to have an opportunity to speak with each of them one-on-one. We should do that, too.”

And so, in January, we started meeting with each of our kids on Sunday afternoons.

We borrow from all kinds of people. Early in our marriage, we were deeply influenced by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo’s Growing Kids God’s Way curriculum, which really helped us define our parenting strategy. Sure, Ezzo is a bit out of fashion these days, and if you search the internet (I don’t recommend it) you’ll find all kinds of Ezzo-bashers, but it is actually a great foundational program, which I strongly recommend.

We’ve been influenced by Michael Pearl, and Dee Duke (we strongly recommend this sermon series), the Tripp brothers (Tedd and Paul). and a host of others. Sometimes we’ll love an idea, but not be able to implement it. Other times we’ll latch onto a philosophy, and apply it in our own unique (quirky?) way.

There doesn’t seem to be any way to stop Kathy from reading these parenting books, though.

“The Maxwells have a Family Values Statement in which they list the things that are important to them as a family. We should do that, too.”

And so, I’m working on an adaptation of their Family Values Statement.

Rachel poses for a potential Keeping/Shepherding Our Child's Heart reprint, in case the Maxwells or the Tripps call us for a collaborative effort.

One thing sustains me, though. I have a dream. One day, I’ll be attending a Parenting Conference, and I’ll take refuge, head spinning from hours of parenting wisdom, in the men’s room. There, I’ll encounter the keynote speaker, who will (as luck has it) be out of toilet paper, trapped in a stall, with only seconds before he has to go on stage. That’s when I will enact my revenge: before I give him the toilet paper he needs, I’ll force him to admit that his wife actually wrote the parenting book, and that she used an imaginary stunt Dad for all the witty illustrations and wise proverbs.

“OK, OK, I admit it,” he’ll growl. “My wife made the whole thing up. I’m just an average guy with an anger problem — I never said any of those clever things. Now give me the toilet paper!”

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AWANA, Daily Life, David, Sarah

Blog Narcissism

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One of my favorite targets for mockery is Hollywood, when they make a movie about the making of a movie. There is just something sad about an industry so in love with itself, that it thinks the average viewer will be riveted by a ‘behind the scenes’ peek.

Alas, such blatant narcissism is not only found in Los Angeles. Some novelists write about the process of writing a novel, and photographers have been known to take pictures of each other, taking pictures …

Here at the Duckabush Blog, we’re above such crass and vulgar display. We would, however, like to take this opportunity to showcase some of our most celebrated readers.

David

  • At nearly eleven years of age, David is one of our most enthusiastic fans. His cheerful praise of each post encourages us to forge ahead in our fight to resurrect our blog. Lately, thanks to our “Related Posts” feature, he’s been going back over archived entries, reading up on our family’s history (as seen through the blog).

David wears that T&T shirt well - his is an AWANA superstar

Sarah

  • Self-styled as the ‘Queen of Comments’, Sarah has begun responding to each of our posts, with clever little one-line remarks in her distinctive prose. Also using the “Related Posts” feature, she’s been going back over blogs from years ago, giggling about events that are perhaps hazy in her memory. It is a pleasure to write for such a responsive audience.

Sarah and Kathy often enjoy a sneak peak of the AWANA skit of the day.

Strangely enough, this is exactly why we resumed our blog posting this year, after a few technical interruptions. It has been said, “Whoever tells the stories, defines the culture.” (I’m not sure who said it, whether David Walsh, George Gerbner, or possibly Aristotle.) But I think it is fairly true, and so Kathy and I are taking some effort to tell the story of our family — to define our family’s culture by the stories we choose to tell, and the way that we tell them. The virtues we praise and the events we highlight, help to establish what it means to be an Edgren in the memories of our children.

Thinking about some of the things I’ve written, it would seem that a key part of being an Edgren is being a little silly and weird. I guess I’m OK with that.

Tim

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Being a Disciple of Jesus, Musings

One Month to Live

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One of the most influential pastors in my life is Dee Duke, pastor of Jefferson Baptist Chuch. He’s been preaching a sermon series entitled “One Month to Live” for the past four or five months (he’s not afraid of a long sermon series).

Dee Duke

I’ve not yet listened to more than a few of the sermons, but I find the thought provocative. Would I live differently if I knew that I had only 30 days left to live?

Just a borrowed logo from some church's sermon series by the same name

Pastors have often preached about how you should live if this was your last day before you died, or Jesus returned? I suppose you might call all the people you never really witnessed to properly, or perhaps you’d write a really top-notch statement to be read at your funeral. Maybe you’d borrow a lot of money and spend it all on a day of self-indulgence, or you might spend the day setting right any wrongs you had done. You could probably do without sleep if you really knew it was your last day — indeed, for a short time, you could probably make all sorts of temporary changes.

But if you knew you were going to live just 30 days more, you’d still need to sleep, and eat. You’d likely continue many of your everyday habits, like showering and brushing your teeth and eating healthily — who wants to go around with grimy teeth for 29 days? On the plus side, thirty days is enough to actually accomplish some things that couldn’t be done in a single day. For that reason, I think this way of thinking is more helpful than supposing you had only one more day.

Or maybe I'd just spend 30 days eating cookies.

In Isaiah 38, the story of King Hezekiah’s illness is told, in which he is told by the prophet that he is going to die. Hezekiah appeals to God, and is given another 15 years. I never thought of it this way, but I suppose Hezekiah probably kept track. At first, 15 years probably seemed a lot of time, but eventually, it must have dropped to two years, then one, then six months, then only one month left to live. How would I react to the sure knowledge that I had only 30 days left?

Duke suggests that we might focus on these areas:

  • Our relationship with God
  • Our relationships with each other
  • Our work or accomplishments for God
  • What would I stop doing?
  • Where am I going?

If you had only 30 days left to live, what would you do, how would you live?

Thoughtful video

Tim

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AWANA, Daily Life

The Sheep and the Goats

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One of my favorite Christian songs is Keith Green’s The Sheep and the Goats. The version on the Gold CD is better than the YouTube rendition, but YouTube has video, which is kind of cool. In my aspiration to be just like Keith Green, I’m working on the beard. Next will be the hair; once I have that, the only difference between us (apart from the fact that he’s dead) will be his piano and teaching skills, which I’m sure I can pick up while I am growing out my hair.

The AWANA players in action

Joshua (playing Jesus) tries to explain things to a Goat (Nate)

As is often the case, I hired the AWANA players (at double their usual rate) to dramatize the song, which they did with their usual flair.

The Sheep were a little slow to clue-in

My T&T kids (Truth & Training, 3rd-5th grades) have a little trouble with abstract thought, but this lesson from Matthew 25 is clear enough for anyone: Jesus closely identifies with the hungry, the thirsty, the sick, the stranger, and the prisoner — and He expects us to minister to them as though we were ministering to Him. It is a little sobering, to think that I might be ignoring Jesus when I ignore a needy person, intent on my own agenda.

The problem with teaching AWANA kids is that you sometimes end up convicted by your own message.

Tim

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