I got an abundance of sleep last night. There is no reason I should have been down, discouraged, tired and frustrated today. I keep telling myself that, anyway. I read my Bible this morning (trying to do that consistently) before getting a shower. I went to Bible study and discussed Romans 11 with friends. How can you go wrong with a passage like this:
Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!
“Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?” “Who has ever given to God,that God should repay him?”
For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen. Romans 11:33-36
The glory of the Lord revealed in nature! Thanksgiving picture on the Olympic Peninsula.
Before gathering the children from their classes, I got in a good workout on the elliptical machine. I had a healthy lunch, was patient with the kids (always a miracle) and settled everyone in for school reading/couch time. During our Bible devotions, I managed to convince Tim to join us for the chapter of Proverbs. This turned out to be a huge blessing since a large portion of the passage dealt with the adulteress woman. We spent a long time talking about having and using judgment.
These are all good things.
Why, then, was I tired and grumpy and ready to ‘quit?’ The afternoon rolled on. Kids were ready to be DONE with school but we weren’t FINISHED with our work. The neighbor boy came over to play with Daniel. I stuck to my guns and kept everyone working. At this point I was feeling totally fragmented – all of the children needed my attention. I was frustrated that we had lost so much time in the morning, angry that we had wasted precious school moments finishing up a fun movie at lunch instead of working, and disgusted with my unstructured personality that had gotten us all here in the first place.
Rachel and I were working on our SL5 log at Joshua’s computer. Sarah was on the floor doing her workbook (asking me questions about what crayon to use for the different shapes). David was going through his new Explode the Code book, bringing it over to me every few minutes (to show me his progress). Daniel was fussing because he couldn’t go out and play. Joshua wanted his computer and was at loose ends, knowing he needed to do some more school but unsure of what to do next.
Ahhhhh! In the middle of it all I got a call from a friend asking if we could push our walk up a bit and head out earlier. AHHHHH! I stalled as best I could and promised to call in 15 minutes. At that point Tim came in and said he had to leave early this evening and asked if I could drop the kids off at church. AAAHHH! I convinced him to take the rascals with him on the condition that they would be fed and ready to go with no delays. Thankfully I had dinner (such that it was) in the oven.
There was a salad on the table with the chicken nuggets and potato wedges but I’m not sure anyone actually ate it.
Right before I was supposed to call my walking buddy back, Tim grabbed the keys and told me he had to go to the Dollar Store. Arghhh! Now I had to phone J. and tell her, not only couldn’t I leave early, but Tim was gone and I didn’t know when I would be available. Ever gracious (and eager for a walk), J. told me not to worry. I fed the children and made sure they all had their things ready to head out the door with Tim.
Daniel is collecting cans for a church recycling project. We have no lack of soda cans around these parts.
I HATE those days when life moves along but the JOY seems to be gone. The duties and obligations, requests and demands pile up and everything seems to land awfully close to my shoulders, despite my attempts to dodge and run away. Today I wanted to abandon my responsibilities, ignore the mess, cancel school for the rest of the day, and climb into bed with a good book.
I was dreading the evening because the house needed attention and I had work to do on all three of my co-op classes. I sat down at the piano and spent just a few minutes playing. I haven’t practiced in a long time. I am rusty and I felt sorry for the listeners as it was surely more painful than it was therapeutic. The piano sits in the corner of the living room, near two windows. Playing there is a pleasure just because of the light that streams in and the closeness to the bustling coming and going of the children. I need to remember this next time I have a free moment and am looking to relax, instead of automatically sinking into my comfy computer chair.
Tim got home before too late and willingly accepted the hordes folks of children I handed off to him. The walk was JUST what I needed. Out in the fresh air, a friend to talk to, a brisk pace to get the heart rate going, all of those things helped tremendously. I so often wonder why a change of venue, especially accompanied by some pleasant companionship, can make such a difference in my spirits. I am thankful that Tim understands my need to ‘get out and about’ and encourages my relationships with girlfriends. He is very patient with my “moods” and does whatever he can to relieve the mommy/teacher/homemaker pressure that occasionally boils over.
How delightful that spring is approaching. Daylight Savings Time is right around the corner and with it lighter afternoons and evenings which means evening walks can be a regular escape.
Tomorrow is another day. It’s another totally busy, filled to the brim day with more than its fair share of responsibilities but it’s the one that God has given me, with this life with which He has abundantly blessed me.
For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen. Romans 11:36
Kathy
