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asleep
Musings, Tim

Sleepless in Seattle

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When Kathy organized the 5 for $5 contest earlier this year, I decided to sign up (even though I was the only person of male persuasion to do so). I knew there wasn’t a chance I would win, but I wanted to motivate myself, and I figured it would placate Kathy. Now that she has kept her weight off for more than two years, she casts an appraising eye on me, with a physical makeover in mind.

“How’re those push-ups and sit-ups coming along,” she’ll ask, pretending to be subtle. “What are you going to do to get some kind of cardio workout?”

Power Nap
Not my actual power nap strategy.

I bite back a sarcastic retort and smile ambiguously, avoiding eye contact. “I’ll figure something out,” I mumble vaguely. Whenever Kathy begins to be satisfied with her weight, she pays more attention to mine. “Maybe we need more magazines around here with unattainable, waif-like female bodies on the cover,” I muse to myself. (Sometimes when I’m musing, I’m not very kind.)

Anyway, the point of the 5 for $5 contest was to come up with five health-related goals that you could measure and track over a five-week period, with a maximum of 100 points each week. I came up with four pretty easily, but I couldn’t seem to think of the fifth. Then I remembered a recent study I heard about where they tracked sleep patterns of two groups, and found that those who slept at least 7 hours a night were more likely to lose weight than those who slept less than that. So I set my fifth goal such that I would try to get 7 hours of sleep at least four days a week.

Sleepy Giraffe
Have you ever seen a giraffe asleep? I haven’t. Maybe this giraffe is dead?

It is surprisingly difficult to get that much sleep in this season of my life. I have to get up pretty early most days, either because of my commute or in order to meet with ‘my boys’ for prayer before work. I’m a night-owl by nature, and there always seems to be one more thing I want to do before I sleep. Because of my involvement at church, evening meetings are not uncommon. From time to time I do some side-work, much of it volunteer labor for non-profit organizations. I try to spend time with my wife and my five children each day, and I do like to play a half-hour chip’s worth of computer gaming whenever I can fit it in. And then there’s writing blog entries whenever Kathy comes up empty. There just don’t seem to be quite enough hours in the day, and so I cut it out of sleep time, more often than not. To compound the problem further, during allergy season (late February to early May, for me) I don’t sleep very well and often wake up in the middle of the night, sneezing and congested.

Monday came too early
This could have been me on the train this morning.

Some people get by on less than six hours of sleep a night, while others need at least eight. One friend of mine routinely sleeps less than four hours a night, and I know several who view sleep as an enemy to be vanquished or avoided. People vary, but nearly everyone I know complains of being tired, especially on Mondays. I find that when I’m tired, my view of life darkens and narrows considerably, yet I’m unwilling to give up many of the things that vie for my time.

Don't wake me 'til at least 10 am.
I thought about posting pictures of myself asleep, but the logistics were kinda tricky, so I settled on sleepy animals.

Scripture seems a bit divided on this topic. On the one hand, sleep is portrayed as an enemy to financial security:

”How long will you lie there, you sluggard?
When will you get up from your sleep?
A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest-
and poverty will come on you like a bandit
and scarcity like an armed man.” – Proverbs 6:9-11

Yet on the other hand, even God rested when He had completed His work, creating the world. And Christians are encouraged to look forward to their eternal “Sabbath rest”. As I get older, the idea of eternity as ‘rest’ begins to seem a lot more attractive to me.

”There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience.” — Hebrews 4:9-11

Polar exhaustion
We have a bear like this at our local zoo …

So I’ll take an informal comment-poll: What is your philosophical view of sleep? Is it important for your health, or is it a necessary evil? How much sleep do you get, and what steps do you take to improve your chances of getting enough sleep?

Tim

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Holidays, Project 366, Rachel, Sarah

Advent Sugar Daddy

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Some families celebrate Advent as they look forward to Christmas, but our family has always been a little, well, different. Today I took my two girls out for an ice cream cone, in honor of Advent.

It is true that Easter came pretty early this year, but I think we still have a little time before the Christmas season is upon us. I’d hate to miss the summer, for starters.

Down to the cone
We were so busy eating, that I didn’t remember to use the camera until the ice cream was almost gone.

No, we were celebrating last Advent, in our inimitable style and tendency to procrastinate. As Kathy mentioned in her Advent Calendar post, each year we offer daily prizes to the kids in daily Advent calendars. One of the prizes they particularly appreciated was a small slip of paper, inscribed with these fateful words:

A Special McDonald’s Outing with Daddy

I found it amusing that the scraps of paper bore Kathy’s handwriting, and that she hadn’t bothered to check with me before she volunteered my services as a prize. Sometimes she panics when she doesn’t have quite enough little prizes for all five of the children, times 25 days.

Truth be told, I absolutely love Christmas, and I greatly enjoy foraging for ice cream with my kids, so it wasn’t much of an imposition. :)

Rachel enjoys a Sugar Day
Rachel has been very faithful on her 5 for $5 goals, avoiding sugar six days a week. But this was the seventh day, and she rested.

The boys redeemed their coupons pretty early-on, but Rachel and Sarah hoarded theirs. Thus the Advent celebration while April showers and flowers abound. I bought the ice cream and we sat companionably, licking the sides of the generous cones to prevent unsightly drippage.

Girl time over cones
Sarah positively adores her older sister, and with good reason — Rachel is very good to her.

After we finished our cones, Sarah wanted to explore the Playland structure, while Rachel and I looked on, swapping memories. “I remember,” Rachel sighed in reminiscence, “when Sarah was too scared to climb above the second level … and now look at her!”

Indeed, time flies. I remember when Rachel was too small to climb above the first level, and it seems like only yesterday. I am greatly privileged to be the Daddy of such delightful young ladies, and I’m intent on savoring as many moments as I can, before I look around and they’re off “on whatever adventure Aslan brings them”, as C.S. Lewis would say.

Sarah behind bars
Sarah, a true child of the blog, is always willing to pose for the camera.

On the way home, we stopped off at Wal-Mart to buy another one of those cool Jiffy Seedling mini-greenhouses that I mentioned a couple of weeks ago. This time, in honor of my girls, we bought flower seeds.

Tim
Project 366, Day 97

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Books, Events, Joshua, Parenting Tips

Tuesday Tip for Parenting — Passport 2 Purity

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new logo A couple of weekends ago I took my oldest son away, so that he and I could complete the Passport 2 Purity curriculum. Almost two years ago, Kathy purchased the CDs and workbooks, but they gathered dust on a shelf in our mud room, waiting on my convenience.

I wish I hadn’t waited so long. At 14, my son is mature and knowledgeable, but the Passport 2 Purity materials were designed for a younger, less mature audience. Even worse, in the past year Joshua has really begun to exercise a greater level of sovereignty in his life, and is becoming more and more reluctant to talk about certain subjects. I understand it is a natural (and possibly unavoidable) process, but it still makes me sad to see it happen, and it made for some awkward silences during the time that we had.

Thoughtful boy
Still, we did have some good discussions.

We had a great weekend. As recommended by authors Dennis and Barbara Rainey, we organized the time around a recreational event, which I wrote about in an earlier post, Travels with Faramir. We completed all five of the sessions, with time to spare for questions and general discussion.

Lower Lena Lake (L3)
… and Faramir didn’t even push me in the lake!

The choice of theme verse seemed a bit unrelated to the study. On reflection, though, it provides a common thread that permeates the discussion in a very satisfying way. Christ should be the head of every aspect of your life – relationships, purity, studies, and so on.


And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy.
Colossians 1:18

I’m not going to say a lot about the content of the Passport 2 Purity sessions, since there is some element of surprise to it, and I don’t want to ruin the event for any of my younger readers and their parents. Suffice it to say, that the material is an excellent way for a parent to begin to discuss the topics of sexuality, purity and dating relationships with a child on the brink of their transition to adulthood.

Backup CD Player
Naturally, we had technical difficulties, and had to scramble for a backup CD player.

One of the things I really liked about the weekend course is that it covers the basics without being too heavy-handed. The tone is light and informative, and Rainey repeatedly circles back around to emphasizing the importance of the child-parent relationship.

Perhaps the most surprising part of the material was the fourth session, in which the Raineys talk about purity. He quickly gets your attention: “I’m not going to tell you that the standard for Christians before marriage, is virginity.” Instead, he teaches that the Biblical notion of purity extends well beyond that ‘line in the sand’ which so many well-intentioned folks have drawn. Using the metaphor of a cliff-edge, Rainey walks both parent and child through an exercise of arranging various levels of physical contact in order, from ‘least dangerous’ to ‘most dangerous’. He talks about the tendency to progress through levels of physical intimacy, as a relationship extends in duration. “Where will you draw the line?” he challenges. “How much of your purity will you give away before your wedding day?”

These are sobering questions. Many parents of my generation are in the unenviable position of having to tell their children: “Don’t do what I did.”

my goodness

Were we ever that young?

Parents today cannot assume that their children will remain pure by default. Our culture bombards children with sexual innuendo and explicit images, through TV, movies, magazines and the internet. As one of my friends recently joked, a parent dare not assume that his children are innocents in this area:

Dad: Well, son, now that you’re a freshman in high school; it’s time that we had a talk about sex.
Son: Sure, Dad. What do you want to know?

Rainey works hard to bring the listener (both adult and child) to the understanding that a decision about purity must be made in advance, in order to hold to any kind of a moral standard. He warns that if you wait to decide what you will do when you are already in a relationship, you are practically guaranteeing that you will bow the knee to temptation.

I wish my parents had walked me through a curriculum of this nature, while I was still in their home. Although Kathy and I stood at the altar as virgins on our wedding day, there are lines of intimacy that we crossed, before we were married, which I regret.

Ultimately, an unmarried young man may find it helpful to think of himself as guarding his own purity and that of anyone he dates, in trust for their future spouses. I think this is a teaching that would have resonated with me, as a man who highly values honor and integrity. I think young Christian men are entirely capable of restraining their lusts, especially if they see themselves as honor-bound to guard and preserve the purity of the young lady they accompany. For some reason, this concept never took root in my mind, though it seems blindingly obvious, in hindsight.

Projects galore
The course included lots of interesting secret projects

Parents with eleven- or twelve-year-old children should rush out and purchase the Passport 2 Purity package, and start making plans to get away with your son our daughter for a weekend as soon as you are able. I strongly recommend this curriculum to your immediate attention. Kathy and Rachel are already scheming about their weekend away together.

Tim

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Daily Life, Project 366

Indian Winter

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We didn’t have anything to say for a couple of days, and attracted some angry messages on our answering machine.

“Where is everybody? Where’s the blog that greets me in the morning? Don’t you people have any sense of responsibility?”

Well, maybe it wasn’t as harsh as all that. But Kathy’s Dad is one of our biggest fans.

Sadly, we still don’t have a lot to say. But we do have a few pictures. We’ve had some snow these last few days, which is a bit disconcerting. We were ready for Spring, not for another bout of Winter.

Snowball Thug
Not content to throw snowballs at me, this little punk also shouted insults.

Zip line memories
Of all my children who rode our zip line, David was the only one who ever fell off. Happily, he doesn’t remember it, and he probably won’t sue.

A boy at the Refuge
We continue to be excited about progress at the Refuge

Early flowers
My Mom directed me to a few of the only flowers that have yet bloomed.

Baby Daffodils
These baby daffodils were planted by our friends David and Kendra.

It was a good day. We visited with some old friends, enjoyed my folks, and came home in time to post a quick blog. Hopefully all will be forgiven.

Tim
Project 366, Day 89

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Parenting Tips

Tuesday Tip for Parenting — Tomato Staking

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new logoIt can be rather difficult (at least over the long haul) to be a parent to five children. In spite of their shared genetic and environmental heritage, each of my children has been very stubborn about asserting their individuality. Just when I find a parenting technique that ‘works’ with one child, along comes another, totally different. It just doesn’t seem fair.

Fortunately, I’m blessed with a wife who assiduously devours parenting resources of all kinds. She reads books about child-rearing. She listens to parenting CDs and watches parenting DVDs. She reads magazine articles about child psychology. She even (gasp!) reads blogs about training and nurturing our offspring. Then she likes to bounce the various philosophies off me.

“I read the neatest parenting blog today,” she’ll enthuse. “They have some really good ideas … I’d like to talk with you about it some time this evening.”

“Um, OK … great!” I temporize. Rapidly, I switch into Supportive Homeschool Dad™ mode, which requires a cape, but fortunately, no spandex tights. (My apologies to those who are wincing at the image conjured up by my use of the phrase, ‘spandex tights’.) Mentally, I brace myself, because it usually takes a couple of hours to wring the maximum benefit out of each new discovery. As a homeschooling mother of five, Kathy is pretty immersed in parenting, and she takes it very seriously (in a fun way, of course).

One interesting concept we’ve encountered along the way, is the idea of ‘tomato staking’, as discussed in L. Elizabeth Kruger’s recently published book. (Actually, we haven’t read the book; Kathy gleaned this information off her website and discussion forum, known whimsically as The Woodshed.)

Dan the gardener
Daniel was very excited to be appointed Keeper of the Peat.

The basic idea is that as a parent, you should keep your children close to you, training them and correcting them as necessary, building them into godly young men and women. One problem Kathy and I encounter is that when a child comes to our negative attention, we tend to punish-and-isolate — that is, we send the offending child away as a result of their sin. “They need time to pray and ask God for forgiveness,” we rationalize. “Or at least if they’re going to sulk, they should do it where no one else has to pay the price.” But the truth is sometimes more sinister: we’re still angry at the child’s conduct (or they’re mad at us) and we’d rather not be around them.

Kruger suggests (and my sweet Kathy agrees) that it might be better to keep an offending child under close supervision (within a few feet) rather than sending them off to wreak more havoc. Some children, when corrected by Mom or Dad, will take out their anger and frustration on a sibling, if left to their own devices. Others will sulk in their rooms like Achilles in his tent, which rarely produces repentance or a positive change in behavior.

I’m afraid I’m over-simplifying, but another facet is a bit more proactive. “Why wait ’til your child gets in trouble,” proponents of this philosophy would ask. “Keep ‘em close and train ‘em up right, while they are still young.” Tomato staking has to do with spending lots of time in close proximity to children, teaching them in those more tractable moments, rather than abdicating their training to other influences, however worthy.

Planting the seeds
Painstakingly, we planted each of the peat disks with two seeds …

On Saturday, Daniel and I took Kathy’s van to Wal-Mart to get its oil changed, long overdue. While we were there, we browsed the garden center, since Daniel and I are full of money-making and money-saving schemes that have to do with growing things. We happened upon a cool seed-starter kit, and decided to grow our own tomato plants this year, instead of buying them from the local hardware store at $4 a pot. For about $10, we acquired enough seeds and little peat disks to start 72 seedlings.

We had a great time, when we got home, preparing the peat (it’s amazing how they soak up the water!) and planting the seeds. Now they’re under Daniel’s bed waiting ’til they sprout — we’re hoping to have enough surviving plants to generate a good, healthy crop this year. Kathy and I eat a lot of tomatoes, and they are not particularly cheap, even in season. Last year we garnered a decent crop, in spite of the cursed deer who ate the tops of most of my plants.

If only this were ours ...
Not our actual tomato harvest … sigh.

If you’ve ever grown tomatoes, you know that one of the main problems is keeping the vines up off the ground long enough for the fruit to ripen. Left to its own devices, a tomato plant will refuse to stand up tall, but will rather allow its branches to sprawl untidily across the ground. As the tomatoes grow on the vine, they are prone to rot and damage because of their contact with the ground. Small children who are sent out to water the plants routinely step on the fruit, and insects seem to delight in more convenient access to the crop. Sometimes the plants will start out with good upright posture, but when the weight of the tomatoes increases, the vines are bent and even broken. This seems especially likely in times of drought, when the branches weak and prone to be brittle.

A family project
Sarah and David could hardly stand being left out of this project.

Some gardeners put wooden stakes alongside their plants, and use plastic ties to affix the branches to the stake. Others surround their plants with metal mesh towers, training and supporting the vines as they grow upward. Either way, the intent is to guide and protect the vines, holding them to an upright standard. Kruger argues that parents who share their lives with their children perform a similar moral and spiritual function, fulfilling the instruction in Deuteronomy 6:6-9:

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Staking Tomatoes
A basic tomato stake.

It was a good day. When my children are filled-up with time with me or with Kathy, their whole outlook on life seems to improve. They tend to be more trusting of my heart, and more submissive to correction. They are much more apt to be patient and kind, and often will serve with a more willing spirit. The only cost is my time, which is not so bad, since I really like being around my children when they are cheerful.

Caged Tomatoes
Some tomatoes are so fierce, you have to put them in cages.

Tomato staking is a good word picture for the way that we try to infuse our children with the best of our wisdom, discipline and love for God. Thinking of how Jesus worked with his disciples, and how God works in my life, it seems a good word picture for more than just parenting. How many times have I chafed at being trained to the standard as the Gardener binds my life to His stake through the Word and the ministry of the Holy Spirit?

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. — John 15:5-8

Tim
Project 366, retroactive, Day 82

L. Elizabeth Kruger’s book, Raising Godly Tomatoes, is available on her website for a discounted price of $14.95. Please mention that you read about it here — we’d like to build some credibility so we can, in the future, get a further discount for our readers.

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