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70 Things My Dad Taught Me (part 5)

Dad taught me about Work

Diligence – Dad works hard at the things he attempts, and keeps at it. Even if I hadn’t seen this part of my Dad growing up, I sure would know it from watching him develop the Refuge.

Work is not more important than the family or ministry. Many men struggle with this, but my Dad learned early to put his family and the Lord ahead of his work, and lived that out by being available when we needed him.

Be disciplined; set a schedule. My Dad created patterns of living that enabled him to keep doing hard things every day – we could set the clock by his arrival home from work, and (as much as my freewheeling nature dislikes it) I find myself falling into some of the same patterns, guarding my work from laziness and other distractions.

Have staying power – stick with it even when it is hard. Dad often required me to continue working at something long after I wanted to give up. Those lessons learned have stood me in very good stead in my job, where tenacity and ‘stick-to-it-iveness’ often make the difference between success and failure.

If you want it done right, do it yourself. As a perfectionist, Dad knew this truth; that sometimes, it is better to do something yourself if you are particular about how it is done. His example was more positive that it sounds – he wasn’t flamboyant or in-your-face about it – he just would quietly go off and take care of it himself.

How to be an over-achiever. I’m not sure where Dad learned this, but he often said it to me in various ways: “Don’t settle for mere achievement, be an over-achiever.” Dad knew that sometimes there was a substantial edge over competitors in the workplace by going above and beyond the requirements of a task (he called it ‘over-alping’), by demonstrating true excellence. Following my Dad’s example has netted me several promotions and raises, over the years.


At one point my Dad was deployed overseas, and learned about God’s faithfulness to a family back home.

Guard your integrity – don’t steal time from your employer. Dad always was willing to put in the time and worked hard at whatever work he was given. Often serving in administrative roles in the Army Chaplaincy, Dad sometimes worked long hours and had to prepare for preaching or teaching on his own time, while some of his peers rolled that prep-time into their workdays. This is something I reflect on often, as I strive to give my employer good value for my pay.

It is good to work with your hands. Dad always showed a willingness to get his hands dirty and never pretended to be ‘too important’ or ‘too busy’ to do the jobs that nobody else wanted to do. He was always the one who had to clean up illness-related messes around the house, and helped me to understand the way that a true man of God is a slave to others.

Do even unimportant jobs well, as though God were checking up on you. Related to Dad’s philosophy of ‘over-alping’, Dad took pains to put his best work into even the most trivial jobs. As a result, he was in good practice when it came time to do important work, and he has been given many important things to do. As the scriptures teach:

His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness! (Matthew 25:23)

Guard your time from work. As an outgrowth of his desire to make family and God more important than work, Dad knew that he had to protect his time from being consumed by his employer. One clever way he did this was to join a carpool when he worked at the Pentagon (he was there for almost 11 years, I think). Leaving at a set time and being beholden to others helped him to set limits on what his bosses could ask of him, an example I have followed in my current job.

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70 Things My Dad Taught Me (part 4)

Continuing the rather lengthy blog from yesterday … here are some more things my Dad has taught me.

Dad taught me about Finances.

Tithing was something that Dad did, faithfully, without complaining or even considering any alternative. One of the major blessings in my life has been his example in this area – it has made it very easy for me to obey my Lord in this area, watching my Dad do it so effortlessly over the years.

Offerings are gifts offered to God above and beyond the 10% tithe, which Dad also believed strongly in doing. He confided in me some details of the tithe/offering plan which he and Mom put together, and challenged me to give in ways that are meaningful and sacrificial. His example continues as an inspiration to me in my own gifts to God.

Frugality is an important part of good stewardship. Dad showed me that buying the cheaper item was often the best way to go, getting the most bang for the buck with money he considered not to be his own. As I have tried to be a good steward of the resources God has given me, I have been helped by Dad’s willingness to be intelligently ‘cheap’.

Bargain shopping: As taught by his own Mom, my Dad was always a good bargain shopper, and exercised his frugality by careful research and effort in finding the best deal. His example of thinking critically about purchases has probably saved me thousands of dollars, over the years.

Tricks with credit cards can be fun. I’m not sure Dad intended to teach this one, but he showed me how to rotate money at zero percent with zero or low transfer fees between credit cards. Sometimes you just need a little extra money, and there are banks out there dying to let you use theirs. It has gotten me out of a few scrapes, over the years, and I have enjoyed the cleverness of it. Whenever I take advantage of a zero percent loan, I think of Dad.

It is better to give than to lend. As an outgrowth of his generosity, I have seen Dad bless others by giving when they only expected a loan. By doing so, he has protected himself from damaged relationships when friends and relatives neglect to pay back the loan. Related to his generosity, I have always been proud of the way my Dad puts people ahead of money.

Invest in God’s Kingdom. My Dad was never one with a large stock portfolio or bulging IRA accounts, but has relied on his Army retirement and has invested in the Lord’s work over the years. As Matthew 6:19-21 says,

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Trust in God to provide your needs. A natural outgrowth of Dad’s example in investment, tithing and offerings, Dad trusted in God to provide for college expenses for us kids and for all the other things that people stress about. God has been faithful to my Dad in the matter of finances, and as I have seen this worked out in his life, I know God can be trusted in my life as well.


Some lessons even Dad gets to learn all over again, as he watches God provide for the financial needs of The Refuge during this construction phase.

Don’t fuss at your wife about money she spends. Dad believes in my Mom, and he trusts her to be careful with their money. As a result, Mom rises to that standard and is even more frugal than he is, sometimes. That has been a good thing for me to emulate in my own marriage, and has saved me many fights with my own wife.

Try to live below your means; don’t be greedy for stuff. I wish I had learned this lesson more thoroughly in my heart, not just in my head. Still, it is great to have a shield against the material idols that are so prevalent in our nation.

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More to follow

Kathy tells me I shouldn’t post the remaining 40 things my Dad taught me, tonight, but that I should spread ‘em out over another day (or two). “Keep ‘em hungry”, she says.

I feel that I want credit, though, that I actually did write them all on my Dad’s birthday … but you’ll just have to take my word for it.

Tune in tomorrow for the next installment, if I can get a word in edgewise as I share this venue with a blog-happy girl posting her deluge of pictorial essays.

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70 Things My Dad Taught Me (part 3)

Dad taught me about parenting

Children are not the most important thing in the family. This seems strange in our child-centered, topsy-turvy world, but Mom and Dad were already a family before any of us came to disturb their tranquility. Dad’s example of putting my Mom first helped me to understand that a good parent loves his child too much to put them on the throne of the family.

It is good to be silly with your kids. My Dad loves to laugh and to have fun and be silly – we’ve spent many an hour laughing together. I think I will always remember the vacation to ‘Switzerland’ we took, when our car broke down an hour from our house. We hid out at home, popping popcorn, playing games and having rubber-band fights while everyone thought we were away. It was one of the best vacations we ever took.


Sometimes Mom asks Dad to dress up strangely to support her weird ideas. This is Dad serving as a ‘waiter’ at an exclusive ‘Ladies Tea’ event. You can see he was really enjoying the party.

Work won’t hurt your children. My Dad wasn’t afraid to load me down with work – oh, how I hated those words, “It’ll build character.” Who knew I would actually need that character in life!

He who spares the rod hates his son. This scriptural injunction (Proverbs 13:24a) was never one I really appreciated as a child, but I sure have seen the truth of it as a parent. I discipline my children because I love them too much to let them persist in evil, as my father loved me. Thanks, Dad, for correcting me when I needed it!

Play games with your kids. Dad made time in his schedule to play Rook or Rail Baron with us kids, and showed that we were important to him by giving us his time, even if he did always hog the Atchison-Topeka and Santa Fe railroad. Now I have the legacy that it seems ‘normal’ to me for a Dad to play with his kids, and I reap the blessings of that for another generation.

Require your children to take responsibility for things. My Dad encouraged me to take charge of my life in the areas of jobs, finances, my walk with God and my academic pursuits, just to name a few. Dad knew better than to coddle me or do everything for me and a lot of my independence and competence comes from being given those opportunities.

Get outdoors. When we lived at Fort Lewis and when we lived in Germany, Dad made sure we had plenty of opportunities to hike and travel and enjoy the world God has made for us. I haven’t done so well with my own kids, but what inclination I do have in this area, I owe to my Mom and Dad.

Travel is better than toys. We never had a lot of ‘stuff’ when we were growing up … my parents felt it was better to spend money on travel than on a bunch of consumer electronics. As I raise my own kids in a materialistic society, it helps me to be grounded in a philosophy that favors experiences over toys.

Do daily Bible study with your kids. Dad faithfully led our family devotions nearly every weekday for many years, in the face of considerable opposition. He lived out the words of Deuteronomy 6:6-9:

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Require first-time obedience. We came across this idea in Gary Ezzo’s Growing Kids God’s Way parenting series, but it was something my parents lived and taught. I always knew that when Dad told me to do something (or stop doing something), I’d better obey right away. That has saved me (and my children) a lot of grief over the years.

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70 Things My Dad Taught Me (part 2)

Dad taught me about marriage

Marriage takes communication. My Dad spends hours talking to my Mom, nearly every day. Where some husbands grunt and nod their way through life, my Dad takes the time to listen and commune with his bride. Emulating my Dad in that area has been perhaps the single best thing in my marriage.

Marriage is important. My parents were married twice, but never divorced (once in Germany and once in Switzerland, there’s an interesting but not particularly scandalous story behind that). For this reason, they have twice as many anniversaries as most people, and my Dad takes greedy advantage of that. Nearly every month they celebrate their union in some special way, and their annual anniversaries are a big deal.


Mom and Dad, sitting on the future main lodge stairs of The Refuge.

Marriage means laying down your life for your wife. I have frequently seen my Dad abandon or defer his projects in support of my Mom. My Dad shows that he puts his bride ahead of himself.

Being a husband means being a servant to your wife. Sometimes my folks will have people over, and they’ll stay rather late. My Mom gets up early and shuts down around 10 pm – it is hard for her to face kitchen duty late at night. Although Dad often has a lot of work he wants to do in his study at night, I’ve seen him spend an hour or two cleaning up the kitchen so that my Mom won’t have to face the mess in the morning. He does this, not once in a blue moon, but pretty much every time people stay late. Dad carries things for my Mom, runs errands for her, and treats her as though he was courting her. They’ve been married now for a little more than 45 years, and he doesn’t seem to ever tire of serving my Mom.

How to cherish your wife. Dad always treats Mom in a gentlemanly way, loving her in courtesy and gifts and service and fun little ways. When I was a boy, he used to send her letters as their annual anniversary approached, pretending to be a scam ‘Mystery Gifts and Trips’ company and claiming she had ‘won’ some award or trip. He takes her on week-long trips to islands like Majorca, St. Thomas, the Canaries – we kids were always very envious.

How to be self-controlled in your speech. My Mom and Dad didn’t always agree. Sometimes they would argue, but I never heard my Dad raise his voice or speak harshly or hurtfully to my Mom. He thinks before he speaks, and he speaks in a kind and careful way, even when arguing.

How to live considerately with your wife. Most men don’t ever really understand their wives, and that may still be true of my Dad, but he certainly knows how to please my Mom. This relates somewhat to the way he serves her, but I am always challenged by the many ways that he is considerate of Mom, that he is careful not to trample on the things that she cares about, that he watches out for her needs.

How to support your wife’s dreams. My Mom is an author, a painter, a chef, a teacher, a gardener, and a host of other things. She brings passion to everything she does. My Dad enables her, believes in her, spends money and time on her pursuits. Although he served as an Army Chaplain and his ministry was in the ‘limelight’ for much of their marriage, he has often put his own desires below the need to build up and encourage my Mom in her dreams.

Pray and read the Bible with your wife. One of the things that I have recently begun doing more is praying with my wife. My Dad reads his Bible most mornings and spends a lot of time praying with my Mom, but I didn’t see much of it when I was growing up, since they did it before I woke up. Still, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to notice that their Bibles are out on the table most mornings.

Marriage is for the long haul. One thing I always knew was that my Dad was absolutely committed to his marriage with my Mom. While other kids’ parents were splitting up, I knew that ‘until death do us part’ was more than an idle wish for my folks. Dad consistently protected his relationship with Mom and made sure she felt special and cherished and supported (as I have already discussed).

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