All posts by tje

Training Wheels

We’ve been enjoying Indian Summer here in Washington for the last few days, which has been delightful. The weather really seems to have changed on my birthday, for which I take full credit. Yesterday the sun shone all day, and we enjoyed temperatures in the 70’s – I’m told that today is likely to be the same or even a little warmer.

We were finally able to schedule some time at the Duckabush House. It is a little funny, because I have been anxious that the house be sufficiently used by The Refuge as a practice retreat center. During the winter, when usage drops off (what sane person wants to ‘vacation’ in the Duckabush valley in January?) it seems as though the house lies empty week after week. This summer and fall, however, have seen a steady stream of ‘customers’ using the house, and it has been difficult to find a time when we could stay there.


One pleasant surprise was finding that my Dad had arranged for these stairs to be built, a long-intended part of the deck that I started.

In honor of my birthday, we drove out to the Duckabush on Friday night, and spent Saturday, Sunday and Monday there. Dad and I worked on the deck railing, Mom and I planted blueberry seedlings, and a good time was generally had by all. The kids lost no time in arranging play dates and sleepovers with various friends and kept it up all weekend. My folks had planned a birthday meal for me on Sunday, and we invited a bunch of the old gang over for dessert afterward – surprisingly, everyone was able to come. It was very nostalgic to have the house filled up with these five neighbor families and their children. I did a count at one point – considering Kara an adult, I think there were 14 adults and 19 kids in all – a goodly crew.


Mom made me a Black Forest cake, always my favorite.

It has been two years since we moved away from that valley, and a lot has changed in terms of kids growing older and people changing in general. I feel I have matured a bit, which is certainly not before its time. It is very cheerful to see first-hand that being a Christian makes a difference in my life and brings about healing and forgiveness in relationships.


The Main Lodge at The Refuge continues to be built, and may be ready for use by Christmas 2007.

At one point my youngest son (David) arranged his “first sleepover EVER” with a boy he has generally considered to be his “best friend” (even though they rarely see each other these days). As they played together, it was discovered that David did not know how to ride a bike without training wheels. Sadly, he confided to his friend that I would not remove the training wheels from his bike (which was true, but only temporarily). Aghast at such barbaric treatment, David’s friend rushed to teach him to ride his own bike, and offered his own bike as a gift, since I was clearly such an ogre. By the time I heard of it, David had learned to ride a bike without training wheels, and yet another childhood milestone slipped past.


Of course, there is a reason I was reluctant to take off those training wheels …

Over the weekend, David had been angling to celebrate his Special Day with me, since he was next in the rotation. I’ve been trying to do at least two Special Days a week, so that each child gets about two a month with me. They all keep careful watch of the rotation, and each one knows when he or she is next, often campaigning for their turn before the previous child’s day is even completed. Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays are the most likely days, but some have snuck theirs in on Fridays or even Saturdays. There is nothing quite so tenacious as a child who is next in line for a Special Day – I guess I should be flattered that they want to spend time with me.

I staunchly refused to celebrate David’s day with him until we returned home from the Duckabush (it was, after all, my birthday) and so he immediately collared me when I arrived home from work on Tuesday. The kids were out riding their bikes, and there was David’s little bike with its Training Wheels, now anathema to a boy (practically grown up) with the heady skill of riding a ‘real’ bike.

We asked David to demonstrate his newfound ability on Rachel’s bike, with the seat lowered all the way down – sure enough, he could ride it! We toyed with the idea of bumping Rachel up to another bike and giving hers to David, until I saw the worried look on his face. “It’s a girl’s bike,” he confided to me. Enough said.


This is not a girl’s bike.

Kathy and I quietly conferred, and agreed that he could no longer be expected to ride the little 12” bike with the training wheels. I jumped in the car and we headed off to the store, not telling David anything about our errand. At one point I asked him if he knew where we were going for his special day – “Sure!” he replied. “We’re going to the dentist!” I nearly had to stop the car, we both giggled so hard. He can be a very silly boy, sometimes.

We arrived at Target and I made a big show of being there to buy a shirt for myself, but we soon found ourselves in the bike section. We found two possible candidates: one, a basic (red) bike for $35, and another, more elaborate (blue) model for $80. I got them both down, and he tried them out. At some point I must have told him how much they cost — the next thing I knew, he had latched onto the cheaper bike. Personally, I was pushing for the bike with more features – I liked the way the height of the seat could be adjusted without requiring tools. I asked him which one he wanted, and he cheerfully replied, “I like the red one, because I don’t want to spend all your money.” My heart immediately melted, and I wanted to buy him the most expensive bike in the store, which may have been his plan – he is a clever rascal.

As it turned out, neither bike seat could be adjusted low enough for our taste, and so we determined to find a bike somewhere else. We tried K-Mart (where a foolhardy clerk tried to sell us on a 16” bike with training wheels, much to David’s disgust) and eventually found a suitable (green) bike at Fred Myers. Returning home as the last light of the day faded, we rushed to try out the bike – sure enough, David was able to get it going without help from anyone. It is tricky for him to get on and off it, and it is hard for him to wheel it about (it weighs almost as much as he does) but I think he really likes it and it has room for him to grow into. On the way home, with the bike safely in the trunk, David said to me, “Thank you for buying me this great bike, Daddy.” When I commented on how pleased I was that he didn’t want to spend all my money, he said, “When people give me something, I try to be respeckful.” It is nice to see that he is taking to heart some of the things we are trying to teach him. He must have thanked me eight or ten more times, over the course of the next several days, which I found very satisfactory.


David’s new bike, fresh out of the trunk.

Hebrews 5:12-13: Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

Thinking about training wheels as a metaphor for spiritual growth, it occurs to me that David is growing up in more ways than one. As a Dad responsible for his spiritual growth as much (or more) than for his physical growth, I couldn’t be more pleased.


Two of my favorite boys, and their wheels.

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Fort-Clark-2006-335_001

Wired for Blogging

I wrote this blog a while ago, but never got around to posting it. Now that the entire month of September has gone by, and I haven’t posted a single entry, I’m scrambling to find anything to post.

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With my usual carpool buddy gone to Alaska for a friend’s wedding, I find myself commuting up to Bellevue alone, which is not much fun. Yesterday I planned to take the train, but just before exiting the highway to the train station, I heard there had been an accident between a freight train and a pedestrian, and that all northbound trains were cancelled ‘until further notice’. So I joined the hordesfolk on I-5; a good reminder as to why I ordinarily commute via carpool.

Even though I left the office right at 3 pm, it took me an hour and fifty minutes to get home, much of it in stop-and-go traffic, which wears me out. So today I am riding the train, smugly typing away while the peasants change lanes and cut one another off.

As a bonus, I found that there is a free wireless network covering the train station – I was able to fire off a quick e-mail to Kathy before the train moved out of range. I amused myself for a while by scanning the wireless networks we pass … but in most cases we move beyond the range of the network before I can log in and take advantage. Many of the wireless networks are secure, but there are still a few that are free. I saw one encrypted network in which the broadcast name (SSID) was ‘NotFreeAnymore[Expletive]’ – I guess that guy resented others piggybacking on his bandwidth.

I wonder if wireless networks will continue to proliferate, and if most towns will soon, in effect, be one big ‘hotspot’? There is no real technological reason why a utility company couldn’t set up enough wireless relays to offer a network pretty much anywhere you go in an urban or suburban setting. Of course, making that profitable might be tricky. If I were a city government, I would probably set up a network like that and ban all cable and DSL companies from doing business in my town – force everyone who wanted something better than dialup to use the city network (and pay the city an equivalent monthly fee). Over time, it could be quite a cash cow, I think, without really gouging the populace. Alternatively, a town might pay for the initial setup costs out of real estate taxes and maintain the network through volunteers, making it free. I’ll bet most towns have enough people savvy enough to run the networks to pull it off.

Of course, you could expect the cable and phone companies to squeal. As voice-over-IP (VOIP) continues to be adopted, I would not be surprised to see more and more people move away from traditional phone lines and start using cell phones or VOIP phones exclusively, even for local calling. This won’t happen overnight, but I know a lot of us are tired of paying $40-$70 a month to local phone service monopolies.

Some cell phone companies are offering high-speed data services via their networks, sometimes called ‘3G’ or third generation services. Even though I work for a telecom company, I’m embarrassed to admit that I haven’t figured out how to connect my laptop to high speed data through my phone. I guess I need some sort of air card or connector cable for my phone … I need to look into that.

Of course, there is only so far that all this mobile connectivity will take us. Most people want connectivity to the internet at home and at work, but it is hard to make a strong case that most of us ‘need’ it while we travel around, and many don’t travel very much. Even riding the train, where I have a table and can type away on my laptop, I probably wouldn’t use an internet connection very often. I heard talk some time ago of setting up a wireless network here on the train (as they have on the Washington State ferries), but I’m not sure if it would be worth their while.

Time passes …

When I got to work after I wrote the above paragraphs, I decided to investigate my employer’s offerings for this kind of technical problem. It turns out that they do, indeed, have a way for me to do this. I purchased an ‘Air Card’ that fits into the PCM/CIA slot of my laptop through the employee phone program (I get a 40% discount). The air card uses the SIM from my phone (a tiny little chip that tells the cell network who I am and that I am one of their customers) and connects to the cell network. From there it connects to the internet using General Packet Radio Service (GPRS) at speeds a little faster than dialup (50 kbps or so). In certain areas, they also have a faster service (EDGE) which flirts with faster speeds (a technical max of around 384kbps, I think). I arranged for an unlimited data package to be added to my phone account so that I wouldn’t run into unexpected charges (the basic data package only gives you 10MB a month – not enough for an internet-browsing, e-mailing techno-fool like me).

In a few days I received the Air Card and happily installed the software that came with it. I popped the little SIM card out of my phone and put it into the Air Card, plugged it into my laptop, and away I went! As I write, we’re zipping down the tracks near Tukwila, but I have internet connectivity so that I can quickly google the speed of the service in the paragraph above.


One place I really enjoyed the air card was in Fort Clark, Texas.

I’m pretty smug. I don’t know why I feel such a strong sense of personal accomplishment in using this technology (after all, GPRS and even EDGE have been out for some years now), but I can’t help feeling as though I have invented sliced bread. Call me a techno-geek, I really like being able to send and receive e-mail from the train.

One afternoon recently, my carpool buddy got sick, and we came home an hour earlier than we usually do. I worked from my desk upstairs for an hour or so to repay the time, and then the kids wanted to go to the pool. Kathy seemed like she needed a break, so I offered to take them all to the pool, craftily bringing my laptop with me.

When we got to the pool, I grabbed a table in the shade and fired up my laptop, connecting effortlessly to the cell network that covers our neighborhood. I was able to work for more than an hour while the kids splashed happily in the pool. I was very smug, because I would have squandered that time reading a novel, but instead the time was quite productive. I think that this Air Card will prove to be a very wise investment, since it helps me to make better use of time when I am waiting for something and allows me remote connectivity in a variety of situations. I’m excited about using the card when we go to Texas this year … dialup connectivity is always tricky there, and Kathy does like to get her e-mail. It looks as though my company’s wireless coverage is pretty good in that area … hopefully I’ll be able to get some decent bandwidth there.

Today I overslept again, which is why I’m riding the train. Staying up too late seems to cause my brain to ignore my alarm … both of them were turned off when I finally awoke, and I know I turned them on last night. When I’m tired I become very resourceful, telling myself (and anyone else, apparently) all kinds of lies about what time it is and what time I really need to get up.

When I was a freshman in college, I had a class at 9:30 am on Tuesdays and Thursdays. My brother, who was a senior that year, took much glee in coming over to my dorm room and waking me up on those days. He had a PE class (I think it was golf) on my side of the campus, and he would usually jog over to my dorm. If I didn’t respond to his hammering on my door, he would come in and bounce on his knees up and down on my bed, oozing sweat and generally making a nuisance of himself. I think it was the highlight of his day.

As was my usual practice, I stayed up late playing wargames one night, and was therefore rather out of it when my brother arrived. As it turned out, he failed to wake me up, and I missed my class. In typical failure to accept responsibility, I later called him up and chided him for his lack of responsibility:

Me: Hey, Mark, why didn’t you wake me up this morning?

Mark: I did. I was there at 9:20.

Me: What? You never came!

Mark: Yes, I did. You told me that one of your buddies needed you to drive him up to Richmond so he could give blood, and that you were skipping your 9:30 class to do that. You said you had a little more time and that I should let you sleep.

Me: And you believed me?

Mark: You seemed a little glib … does this mean you didn’t need the car? You stinking weasel!

I had no recollection of my brother’s visit, or of the elaborate story I told him, which was entirely untrue (except that there is, in fact, a city by the name of Richmond). Apparently my semi-conscious brain woke up just enough to fabricate a believable tale – enough to make this hot, sweaty and overly-cheerful person go away. I slept until almost noon that day … and I learned not to trust my brain when it is sleep-deprived.

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I know this blog really didn’t have a point, but, hey, I made it in under the wire and managed to have at least something posted for September. My work here is done. :)

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No Artificial Shortages

It is strange, but I often feel sad at this time of year. The sun is shining on the slopes of the mountain and the early morning sky has not quite finished its transition from silvery-gold to deep blue. The trees along the railroad track shout their joy to the world in rich shades of green. Horses stand in quiet contemplation in pastures as we pass, and cows lay contentedly. This is a glorious day, and I am grateful for it.

It isn’t just that I must spend the day in the office … I am resigned to my fate in that regard, and I hope to get out at lunchtime to enjoy the sunshine. What makes me sad is the knowledge that the equinox has passed, and the days are getting shorter, and that soon these days will be no more. As long as Kathy and Sarah’s birthday is still in the future, I can still pretend that we are in the height of summer. But once their birthday is passed, and Day Camp is over, I have to face the ugly truth: winter will come again.


Pink girls sharing a birthday

Winter holds no real terror for a Washingtonian … we keep snow on the mountains where it belongs, and it rarely dips below freezing. But the rains do sometimes settle in, and it is easy to forget why one lives here, at least until Spring arrives.

I really find that being temporal cramps my style. My spirit seems to rage against the passing of time and entropy. To put it rather melodramatically, I feel the loss of this day like the death of a friend, even now when the sun is barely over the Cascades to the east. I guess it is no surprise that God created me as a spiritual being to be with Him for eternity. On days like this I hug to myself the truth that He will set all things right when He returns, and that no more days like this will have to fade away.


Any day spent with a good book is a day well-spent.

In a novel that Kathy and I have read, there is a cheerful (but obviously brilliant) old professor who loves pastries and desserts in general. One of the things he is famous for saying is “No artificial shortages!” to the delight of those who share in his largess. (No doubt this is to justify his purchase and consumption of a large number of pastries.) I’ve always understood this to mean that we shouldn’t stint our enjoyment of things that are not legitimately scarce. I sometimes wonder what it will be like when we live with the King of Kings and experience His limitless generosity … I can just imagine Him laughing and booming from the throne, “No artificial shortages!”

Obviously Heaven will be a place where there is no shortage of love, which will be very strange. I think most people carefully set boundaries around themselves with regard to the people they choose to care about … there is a sense that one only has so much time and emotional energy and thus must limit the number of people that one cares for. (I suspect that I am guilty of contriving an artificial shortage of love where one does not really exist). It is certainly true, however, that time is limited – what fun it will be to no longer hear the relentless ticking of the clock.


The clock is ticking away on the Refuge … we eagerly look forward to it being ready for guests!

From what I understand, other resources will be equally unlimited – the scripture talks of using gold for paving stones, which even King David could not afford, although he had 7,500,000 pounds of it dedicated for use in building the temple (roughly $77 billion in today’s dollars). We can assume that there will be no limit in terms of food, water, clothing or shelter based on scriptural descriptions of New Jerusalem and God’s provision for us. Even daylight will be unlimited, as God Himself provides the light, and there will not be any darkness.


Nobody really knows what the New Jerusalem will look like — I picked this picture because it is the most fanciful of the guesses I saw. Whatever it is, it will be like nothing we have ever seen before, I suspect.

I wonder if one of the secrets to living in this life the way that God would have us to live is in living according to that Heavenly economy, even now? What would my life look like if I (and other believers) acted as though I had unlimited wealth, unlimited time, unlimited energy?

It certainly changes the way I view this day, when I try to see it in that light. Rather than mourn the impending loss of this day from my meager store, I can confidently look forward to an unending barrage of days, refilling my stock of them any time I feel short. Jesus said, “I have come that you may have life, and have it abundantly.” I guess this is what He meant.

tje

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A Farewell to Martin

This last week Joshua and Rachel were both away, attending a week of camp at Black Lake Bible Camp. They were very excited to go, having worked all year to earn scholarships through attendance and memory programs. Both of them had a delightful time, and we were looking forward to hearing all about it when they came home – especially from Rachel, who usually does not lack for something to say.


Daniel and David really enjoyed playing ‘carpetball’ at the camp. Er, they were glad to have Rachel back, too.

Rachel’s homecoming was marred, however, by the death of our pet Guinea Pig, Martin. We had left him outside the night before as an unintended result of his weekly cage-cleaning, and for some reason (although he had plenty of water, and the night was not particularly cold) he died. Even more unfortunate, Rachel was the one to discover him when she returned home from camp that morning.


The traditional exchange of contact info at the end of camp with a new twist — writing addresses on your head.

It was a hard day. Rachel wept and wept, and Kathy and I felt guilty for not caring for him as well as we could have. Daniel was at first not particularly sad, but when he saw how much it hurt Rachel, he began to cry in sympathy for her. Joshua was pretty stoic about the whole thing, but I noticed that it was he who ended up digging the grave and carving a cross as a marker.

David and Sarah were largely oblivious, although they both went around with solemn faces, saying “Poor Martin” from time to time. I suspect it may be several days before Sarah really understands what has happened – and I don’t think that David was ever really close to our sharp-clawed guinea pig.

At sunset, we held a little memorial service for Martin. I had each of the kids say something they remembered about our little pet and then toss a handful of dirt (or clover, or grass) into his grave. Rachel wept through much of the service, especially whenever anyone would talk about the way Martin looked. I think it really saddened her to discover his lifeless body, halfway into his little house.

We prayed and filled in the hole, and Rachel put some rose petals on top of the grave. We asked a friend who had recently lost a dog to talk with her, because Rachel knows that neither Kathy nor I loved Martin as much as she did.

I think that the little graveside service was a good idea … I think it will help the little ones to understand death a little better, and it will provide the older children with a context for grieving when they lose a family member or close friend, as they surely will, but hopefully not soon.


Rachel at Martin’s grave

The next day Rachel seemed to have processed some of her grief – I almost wept when she told me, “Now I know how hard life can be.” She is already angling for another pet, confident in her ability and willingness to love another animal, even though it may die and cause her sorrow. She told me that she thought she loved God more now than before Martin died: “I knew before that sin was bad, but now I see what it causes, and I understand why God is so strongly against it.” When faced with death, it is good to remember the One who has conquered death and removed its sting, so that we can live forever in the joy of His presence.

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The Hearts of the Fathers

Kathy has been reading a parenting book by home-schooling authors Steven and Teri Maxwell to me lately … persevering cheerfully against my resistant and somewhat unteachable spirit. As a rule, I don’t have much patience for non-fiction, and I am quick to be critical of the writing style of many such authors. Of course, this has the happy (unintended?) side-benefit of plugging my ears to those who would challenge me to change – and so I can continue my pursuit of mediocrity.

(Parenthetically, it is rather ironic that I myself write non-fiction, with only occasional forays into the more difficult arena of the imagination. I find it particularly amusing that my main complaint against non-fiction authors is that many of them take so long to say so little; yet this very accusation can be made against me in most of my blog entries. I guess the only ‘moral high ground’ that I can occupy is that I am unpublished and therefore am wasting the time of only a few friends and family members. Perhaps, under the covers, my dislike of non-fiction is mere jealousy. That said, I happily disregard proverbs that speak of the “pot calling the kettle black” or “people in glass houses throwing stones”, and press on.)


A lesser-known proverb is: “People with blackberry patches shouldn’t throw neighbor boys’ shoes around their backyard.”

The parenting book (Keeping Our Children’s Hearts) speaks, not surprisingly, to the idea of ‘capturing the heart’ of children, so that they are tightly bound up in an intimate relationship with the parents and the rest of the family. Thinking forward a few years, as my older kids reach their teen years, I am open to anything that can offer me hope that I can protect my future teenagers from themselves and from those who would prey upon them.

Also not surprisingly, one of the first topics of discussion in this book deals with the need for the parents to ‘turn their hearts toward their children’. This is rooted in scripture, and appears in Malachi 4:6 (and is quoted again in the gospels, including Luke 1:17). It prophesies the advent of the spirit of Elijah (John the Baptist), who prepares the way for Jesus:

“He will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse.”

Anyone who has been a kid has probably dealt with a two-faced peer or grown-up who acts in a warm and friendly manner for a short while in order to get something they want. Sometimes they desire the good will of the parent, or are seeking some temporary advantage … but it isn’t long before their true uncaring nature is revealed. For this reason, even young children will quickly master the skill of separating the phony from the genuine.

If you asked me, “Is your heart turned toward your children?” I would of course answer “Yes.” I’m a good father, I think, and I work hard to meet the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of my family, teaching my children from the scriptures and raising them up in a godly and loving home. I am reasonably patient and try very hard to be just and kind.

But suppose you pressed me, and asked, “If you got home from work today, and had two free hours to spend however you wished, how would you spend them?”

Truth be told, I’d probably play a computer game by myself. Lately, I’ve been enjoying Age of Empires III. Unfortunately, this doesn’t demonstrate (at least in that microcosm) a lot of ‘turning my heart toward my children’. Why wouldn’t I spend that two hours playing games with my kids, or reading them a book, or riding bikes with them, or letting them do chores alongside me?


Or even just talking (or being talked-at)?

I don’t really have a good answer for that question, except for the obvious (and rather painful) reason: because I’m self-indulgent. Life has come easily to me (for the most part) and I am a man who is weak in spirit, in the sense that I have rarely needed to discipline or steel myself to long-term perseverance or excessive diligence.

One outgrowth of the men’s group led by our pastor this year has been the exercise of my spirit … by setting goals and being held accountable for them, I’ve begun to develop some spirit muscles that I haven’t used in a long time. Still, my spirit quails when I consider limiting or giving up my entertainment … it is hard to do the right thing when your muscles are atrophied from a life of taking the easy path.

I try to visualize what it would look like if my heart were really turned toward my children. If that was so, it would be the rare exception, rather than the everyday rule, that I would pursue my own interests apart from my family. When I walked in the door, my first thought would be to listen to my children report on their day (they all want to tell me at least 5 things) rather than checking my e-mail. Before dinner, I would seek to have a ‘special day’ with the next-in-line child as often as possible, rather than sticking to the minimum of 2 a week as set out in my goals. When we sat down to dinner, I would seek to teach them something rather than watching a movie. When dinner was over, I would help with the dishes or play games with them or go for a walk rather than play my computer game. When it was time for bed, I would seek to make the most of the ‘chapter time’ Bible reading, rather than rush through it so I could get back to my game or get to bed myself. I guess every day would look like an abbreviated version of last year’s Fathers Day.

In general, I would jealously guard the time I spend with my children and prioritize it above anything that is self-serving. Admittedly, work around the house that really needs to be done, time with my wife, and time worshipping and serving my Lord may still occasionally ‘outrank’ time with my children … but most of the ‘free’ time that I currently guard and protect is really time that I just want to spend on myself.

I’m enjoying a narrow window of life in which my children are old enough to have fun at or near my level of sophistication (OK, I’ll admit, that level isn’t very high), yet still young enough to want to spend time with me. Nearly everyone I know who has grown children has told me at one time or another, “Those early years go by pretty fast … enjoy them while you can.” Why shouldn’t I make the most of every opportunity to love and cherish my kids? Why shouldn’t I be genuine in turning my heart toward my children, putting them ahead of my own self in the way that I use free time?


Who could fail to turn their heart toward these little faces?

These aren’t really rhetorical questions. There is no reason for me not to do this. Therefore, I hereby resolve to place a limit of 1 use-or-lose hour of solitary computer-game-playing per weekday (2 hours on weekends or holidays). I resolve to turn my heart toward my children and to love and cherish them above myself. I also resolve to welcome any who seek to hold me accountable on this, and not to become resentful or hard-hearted toward them.

One of the ladies in our small group Bible study recently reminded me of an acronym for JOY: Jesus, Others, Yourself. I think I want to put that on our wall … thinking of Jesus first, Others second, and myself third is an excellent recipe for joy, as I have many times experienced.

Whew! Now if I can just ‘forget’ to publish this …

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