All posts by tje

Mothers’ Day

We have enjoyed some of the most beautiful weather this weekend … clear blue skies, warm, sunny days, temperatures in the mid-70s. It almost makes all those dreary, rainy winter days seem to have been a dream …

Today was Mothers’ Day … but I didn’t get a chance to celebrate my mother. My mom spent the afternoon with Liz and ‘the cousins’, which I can hardly resent, since we monopolize so much of my parents’ attention. I tried to call and wish my Mom a happy Mothers’ Day, but I was relegated to voicemail. I guess we’ll have to do the best we can to celebrate her when she comes out on Wednesday.

Instead, I had the happy task of celebrating my wife, who is an excellent mother to all my rascally children. On the way to church, I asked all the kids why they were thankful to God for their mother, and the results were predictable. Nearly everyone (including me, I’m afraid) viewed Kathy as having value because of what she did for them. David was thankful for her preparation of his meals, and felt it necessary to list each of them in succession. Several were thankful because she reads to them and helps with their school. My first thankful thought was that I am thankful for Kathy because she loves me.


It is nearly impossible to get a family picture where everyone is smiling, but Kathy is rarely the problem.

Maybe the response was due to the way I posed the question, but it is interesting to think of the way that we often love God in the same way — looking for how He benefits us rather than adoring Him for who He is. I guess it is an inescapable fact that we are pretty selfish and self-focused people.

Looking at the blogs over the past two years, I see that I haven’t really done a proper Mothers’ Day blog for my wife. This cries out to be corrected:

Five Reasons I Am Thankful for the Mother of My Children

  1. She is kind.
    I often think that one of the main reasons God decided that “it is not good for man to be alone” is that we are so good at justifying our own behavior and denying the need for spiritual growth. One of the most challenging things about living with Kathy is that she sets a high standard of kindness. She seems to genuinely be capable of loving a large number of people and acts and speaks kindly toward nearly everyone. I am continually reminded of the way Jesus wants me to act toward others by the example of my wife.
  2. She is extraordinarily beautiful.
    I hope I never forget the way that Kathy smiled at me when she came up the aisle on our wedding day. I have a picture of her, taken by a bridesmaid in the dressing room just a few hours before, that helps me remember the way she looked. But in a strange way, she is more beautiful to me now than she was then. It certainly doesn’t hurt that she has been taking such good care of her body in the past year! Yesterday we were driving home from church, and she was wearing a very pretty and flattering pink dress. She had been waiting in the car while I grabbed something that had been forgotten in the church, and she had her knees drawn up and her feet on the dashboard of the van. There was something very young and girlish about her posture, and I got a chance to once again admire her grace and beauty. What were those fools at William and Mary thinking, to let me swoop down and carry her off? Even more, as I see her with eyes that have shared almost 14 years of marriage, the beauty of her character blazes out, almost eclipsing her physical attractiveness. A shared smile or a wink from her still makes my heart skip a beat, all the more because it is invested with so many shared experiences and jokes.
  3. My Sweetie enjoying a clean kitchen, thanks to Daniel
    My Sweetie, enjoying a clean kitchen, thanks to Daniel’s hard work.

  4. She is very fun.
    We never have to look very far for a chance to celebrate, thanks to Kathy’s enthusiam and delight in making the commonplace events of life a reason for joy. In stark contrast to my often-dour and occasionally-cynical perspective, Kathy views most events as an opportunity for fun through glasses of optimism and cheerfulness. She sets the standard for our whole family and draws us all closer to God by exhibiting the joy of the Lord.
  5. She is of noble character.
    It sounds stuffy when I read those words in Proverbs 31:10, but when I think about it, ‘noble’ is a great word to describe my beloved. One does not raise (or even partially raise) five children without becoming familiar with self-sacrifice — and what is nobility but putting the needs of others ahead of yourself?
    We have had a great life, so far, and have been spared a lot of the grief and sorrow that others have faced. But (I assure you) there have been countless opportunities to be selfish, and Kathy is strongly characterized by choosing her family over herself, day in, day out. When there is a sacrifice that needs to be made for the children, Kathy is almost always the one to set the example, and it falls to me to follow, often grumbling under my breath.
  6. She manages our home and the children’s schooling nearly single-handedly.
    One of the things any wise man prizes in a wife is her ability to manage the household. I can probably count on one hand the times I have heard her lodge a serious complaint about her role as home school teacher. While it is true that the children pitch in, and even I help a little, most of the day-to-day work of keeping our household in food and clothing and some semblance of cleanliness is done by Kathy. This often-thankless and nearly unending job is something she takes in stride, breezing through life with a cheerful spirit.

I could go on and on, but I don’t want the rest of the husbands out there to feel too jealous, so I’d better quit. Suffice it to say that I am a very fortunate man indeed, to have Kathy as my wife and the mother of my horde of children.

–Tim

Share or follow

Related posts:

Shooting myself in the foot

Some of the more observant readers may have noticed that the images in some of our recent blogs have had a somewhat transient nature. Kathy noticed it one afternoon, and when I got home, I found that the images were inexplicably missing from the directory on the webserver where we had placed them. But I’m a busy guy, so I just copied the images back to the webserver and turned my attention elsewhere.

This mysterious behavior continued for several days. Each morning the pictures would be there, and in the afternoon they would be gone. It was baffling, but I’m a busy guy, so I just kept copying them back over. Although it was alarming to have my files deleted by some unknown agency, the regularity with which it happened was comforting in that it indicated a systemic rather than human origin (people are just not that patient).

Finally I got some time to investigate the matter, and I discovered that the deletions were happening because of an automated scheduled process I myself had set up (and promptly forgotten). It ran at midnight (local time for wherever my host server is, which seems to be in the middle of the Atlantic) each day, faithfully executing my misguided instructions.

Daniel Funny Face
Would you trust this face with your blog?

Kathy got a kick out of it, especially the part where she could say to me, “Gee, Tim, I guess it was user error, eh?” (This is one of the remarks that I make whenever Kathy has computer trouble — rarely a well-received comment, in my experience.)

So hopefully the phantom image deletions are a thing of the past, or at least until the next time I write a cron job to shoot myself in the foot.

–Tim

Share or follow

Related posts:

My stomach is not my god (I hope)

A few weeks ago, I made a critical error. It is the kind of mistake made by a person who suffers from occasional and inexplicable bouts of optimism. Sadly, I am afflicted with this condition, and the various disappointments of life have not yet taught me caution.

Me and my Sweetie
Me and my Sweetie on Easter

On April 9th, Kathy celebrated her one-year anniversary of adherence to the KMEP (Kathy’s Maniacal Eating Plan) which involves measured portions, no sugar consumption, and avoidance of processed grains and their derivatives (like bread, tortillas, hamburger buns, bisquits, pancakes, stuffing, cinnamon buns, waffles, muffins, bagels, crepes, donuts, eclairs, rolls, pie crusts, cakes, cupcakes, cookies, brownies, and pretty much anything else that makes life worth living). The basis of the plan seems to be that one’s digestive system should be forced to work for a living like everyone else, hence the avoidance of nutrients that can easily be converted into sugar (and thence to fat). Coupled with increased vegetable consumption and diminishing sugar cravings, the KMEP seems to be a very effective weight-loss and general health plan.

Since Kathy stuck to the KMEP so faithfully and lost more than 60 pounds, I felt that I should honor her in some way on her one-year anniversary. My instinctive response was to make her an ice cream pie, but for some reason that didn’t seem appropriate. In a moment of weakness, I decided to try the KMEP myself for a month, to show her how much I wanted to support her and honor her.

In one sense my decision was a resounding success. Kathy seemed very pleased (almost too pleased, for my liking) that I was joining her on the KMEP, “fellow workers in the vineyard” and all that. But in another sense (the part where I don’t get to eat what I want) the choice was a disaster.

I am now most of the way through the month and have become intimately acquainted with grains and vegetables that I never knew before. Unsure that I am richer for the knowledge, I can now assert that I’m not fond of red quinoa (pronounced Keen-Wah) or oats in nearly any form (although Kathy still uses oat bran on me when she thinks I’m not paying attention). I can take or leave millet, and I prefer brown rice to almost any of the ‘alternative grains’ that find their way into my meals. It turns out that (although I thought I liked it) I have a very limited capacity for broccoli, and so I eat a lot of salads and my mainstay is cherry tomatoes. Now I begin to understand why Kathy always makes these weird vegetable stews … it is hard to get enough to eat if you have to look your vegetables in the eye (or stalk). Better to slice ‘em and dice ‘em and serve them up as soup, however questionable its origins.

It really isn’t that bad, for some values of ‘bad’. Kathy takes good care of me and prepares each of my meals, carefully varying the proteins and casting wildly about for vegetables that I will eat. I doubt I would have the fortitude to stay on the KMEP if I also had to do the work of preparing the food — it is a non-trivial task to make some of this stuff edible at all.

At the risk of spending much more time on this than will hold the reader’s interest, here is a brief outline of what I am permitted to consume in a given day:

Breakfast: six muffins made of egg, apple, and a cup of oat bran

Lunch: a salad (maybe two cups of lettuce with some tomatoes)
a cup (cooked) of some weird grain
six ounces (cooked) of ground turkey
a cup of cherry tomatoes

Supper: a cup of vegetable soup
a cup of cooked vegetables
a cup of some kind of starch (like a potato)
six ounces of meat (usually some kind of beef)

After supper:
a cup of milk
six ounces of frozen blueberries
about 20 drops of a saccharin-based sweetener

As you can see, it is quite a bit of food, really — four cups of vegetables, two servings of fruit, around eighteen ounces of meat (including the three eggs in the muffins), and three cups of some kind of carbohydrate each day. I’m not sure where the milk gets counted. You may also notice the Dairy Queen Blizzard and the large serving of brownies, conspicuous by their absence.

Civil Creme Puffs
How could I refuse a creme puff when offered by my eldest son?

All in all, it seems to be about 1000 calories less than someone of my mass and sedentary nature burns each day, so I should hope to lose in the neighborhood of 2 pounds each week, on average. So far my loss has been considerably more than that (11.5 pounds in three weeks), so it may be that my metabolism burns a bit hotter than average (something I have often suspected). Ironically, if my metabolism is higher than average, this gives me less of an excuse for being overweight in the first place, although it is predictable when I consider how much (in ‘normal’ life) I actually am in the practice of eating.

Sometimes it is hard. One night I was serving ice cream to some guests and I had to tell myself ‘NO!’ seven or eight times while I was dishing the dessert … I kept wanting to lick my fingers or ‘finish off that last little amount in the carton’. I quickly broke out the blueberries and had my after-supper snack before the beads of sweat on my forehead were too noticeable.

Kathy at the tea party
This sad girl clearly suffers from chocolate deprivation.

I’m not sure the KMEP is sustainable for me over the long term, in spite of Kathy’s example. The other night I found myself standing in the kitchen with my eyes closed, fantasizing about a starch-heavy meal with Cinnabons and ice cream for dessert. I went on and on describing each component of the feast (“biscuits slathered with butter … and more butter”) much to the amusement of my family.

As the one-month mark approaches, I notice Kathy becoming more and more unhappy with the prospect of my abandonment of the KMEP. I can certainly understand her viewpoint – just because I’ve lost a few pounds doesn’t conceal the fact that I am still substantially overweight. I’m just not sure I am willing to face a future with no hope of anything sweet …

And yet, I am reminded of Philippians 3:19, in which Paul describes the enemies of the cross of Christ:

“Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things.”

To what extent has my stomach been my god? Does my self-indulgent nature put me at odds with the will of God? Do I really want to risk numbering myself with the enemies of Christ?

There is nothing wrong with enjoying God-given food, but I’m not sure I currently have the capability of properly enjoying food without making it an idol. Certainly the accumulated weight from my habitual over-indulgence in this area makes it more difficult for me to serve God in areas that require physical stamina, not to mention the way it limits the things I can do with my kids.

I think the part that worries Kathy the most is the bad example of self indulgence that I am perpetrating upon my children. These are serious matters to consider, and I feel rather vulnerable in speaking out this openly, but would welcome any comments.

Share or follow

Related posts:

Detestable Food

The really strange thing is that I wrote this blog before I started my 30-day subscription to Kathy’s Maniacal Eating Plan (KMEP), and, of course, the title has nothing to do with the taste of the weird grains and vegetables that she has me eating. I guess it is just prophetic … read on, if your curiosity is piqued.

Allergy season has arrived with a vengeance, and so I begin the unhappy practice of waking in the night, sneezing uncontrollably, and rubbing at my eyes until I look like someone from a horror comic book. About three years ago I started taking Allegra, and I found that I could survive if I started early and stayed current with generous doses of the medicine.

This year I managed to get my doctor to agree that a dosage for a ‘normal’ adult was not quite enough for someone of my girth and weight, but even so, the medicine doesn’t quite suppress the symptoms for the whole 24-hour period.

One happy side effect is that once allergy season is over, I am very thankful for my health for a couple of months afterward.

Recently, I was perusing the book of Numbers, and I read about the episode of the Bronze Snake. As was their frequent practice, the Israelites were complaining against God and Moses, this time about the food. As you may recall, God provided manna for the Israelites during their 40-plus year sojourn in the wilderness, before they were permitted to enter the promised land. As Numbers 19 records, they complained and said, “We’re tired of this detestable food!”


It doesn’t look all that detestable to me. A little maple syrup …

Sometimes I am amazed that any Israelites survived to enter the land of Canaan. Just a few verses before, a good chunk of the tribe of Levi had been swallowed up by the earth for their presumption in challenging God’s selection of Moses and Aaron. Considering the great mercy that God had for the people in providing manna for upwards of two million people every day, it seems the height of stupidity and ungratefulness to complain about it.

While I was thinking about those rascally Israelites, feeling a bit superior, the thought occurred to me that I have a lot in common with that rebellious people. Every time I complain to God (and I do it more often than I would care to admit) aren’t I, in some sense, doing the very same thing that they did, spitting on His grace and mercy and presuming to second-guess His sovereign and majestic will?

Ah, but I do it in such an enlightened, twenty-first century style, couching my complaints as ‘prayers of supplication’ and stopping short (in my words, at least) of open defiance against God.

Share or follow

Related posts:

Family_Grownups.jpg

Family Pictures

My folks and the 'grown ups'

A couple of weeks ago we all went out to the Duckabush to take family photos while my sister Posie and her family were in town. Mark and Elizabeth and Posie and her husband Greg were there with all their kids — we made quite a tribe, with proud grandparents looking on.

Share or follow

Related posts: