Category Archives: Grandparents

President’s Day

Today was one of the 8 annual holidays that my company recognizes. It is always a little surprising to me that President’s Day makes the cut of Federal holidays, while Veterans Day does not.

As we talked about possible celebrations, Joshua suggested to me that people should honor the day by quizzing one another with Presidential Trivia.

“Who was the 23rd President?” he challenged, abruptly.

“Um, Martin Van Buren?” I hazarded, wildly.

“Not even close,” Joshua told me. “… but not a bad try. I didn’t even think you knew who Martin Van Buren was.”

“Huh. Imagine, me, not knowing the ‘Red Fox of Kinderhook’? You must be joking.”

The Red Fox, himself

OK, I admit, that last line was added after-the-fact, thanks to the interweb. I’d be hard-pressed to name a dozen presidents outside the ones who have served in my lifetime, truth be told. It might be just me, but I don’t think Joshua’s idea will catch on.

Instead, we spent the day playing computer games, shaving one of our cats*, watching Courageous, reading The Hobbit, and scanning slides. Kathy’s going back to Michigan this week (with Rachel) to grieve with her Mama on the first anniversary of her Dad’s death. We wanted to do as much as a family, together, as we could, since we’ll be fragmented this week. Joshua was away visiting Union in Tennessee over the weekend — it was nice to have a day off when we were all home.

*Not out of cruelty, but for a good reason.

I did come across this photo of Kathy and her Dad on Prom night …

Kathy and her Dad

We miss our Grandad. Our hearts are with Kathy and Mamie as they gather with other family members to remember the passing of Bill Moore, one year ago this week.

Tim

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A Tribute for Grandad

On the last day of February, our family had the sad privilege of attending the memorial service for my father-in-law, Reverend William C. Moore.

Struck down suddenly by an aggressive form of lymphoma, Grandad’s illness lasted less than 8 weeks before he died at the Mayo Clinic on February 22. We are still in shock at how quickly he moved from robust health to kidney, liver, lung and heart failure as a result of this deadly cancer. He had visited us at Christmas time, and still seemed to be himself, although unusually tired. We are struggling to make sense of this unexpected and seemingly-premature death of a beloved brother, husband, father, grandfather, pastor and friend.

More than eleven hundred people attended the memorial service, most of whom knew Bill Moore as their pastor. I was privileged to know Bill as a man, as a husband to Cindy, a father to my wife and her brothers, and as the grandfather of my children. I saw him as he repaired a screen door, when he worked outside in the garden, when he had to get up in the night to plunge a toilet, and when he fell asleep while reading a story to my kids.

Bill Moore was 67 years old when he died. He seemed healthy; jogging often, careful about what he ate, full of energy. We thought he would live for many more years, serving as a pastor, traveling and living quietly with Cindy. We expected him to spend many of his latter years reading companionably with his wife, puttering in his garden, and reveling in his grandchildren. Now he is with the Lord; the hole that he has left in our hearts and lives, aches for its emptiness.

Mamie and Grandad
None of us feels his loss quite like Cindy, though.

How can I describe this man, who was so full of life and energy and joy? How can I do justice to his faithfulness and deep passion for Jesus? What words can I write, to tell the story of his self-discipline and compassion for others? How can I paint a picture of his zest for learning, and his kindness, enthusiasm and generosity?

When my older children were quite small, Bill and Cindy moved into a house in Canton, Michigan, featuring a large backyard with a stream running through it. A few years later, we moved away, and were unable to visit more than once or twice a year, at the most. Bill began to plan for our summer visits, and constructed a huge sandbox around the base of one of the trees in his yard. Then he built a tree-house in that same tree, installed a swing set, and dredged the creek so that the water would flow properly. In the days before we arrived, he would tune up his tractor (to give rides to his grand-children) and pull down all the old bikes from the attic. He must have spent at least a hundred hours working to prepare for our comparatively short visit, so that our kids could enjoy some fun activities when they came.

Many times, my father-in-law would visit our house, and would spend much of the time that he was there, working on household repair and improvement projects (because I have always been such a poor handyman). He and Cindy would insist on taking us out to dinner, and routinely arrived with their luggage bursting with gifts for each of us.

Grandad loved hats
For some reason, Grandad especially loved to wear hats, and it must be a genetic trait.

Whenever there was a book sale at the public library, Bill was there. He loved to buy books ‘by the bag’ — he could never pass up a good bargain. Even now, there are more than five thousand books in his home, many of which he has read (or at least skimmed). His mind was voracious — he loved to explore new ideas and learn about other fields, from hydro-electric power to an obscure type of beetle. One reason he was such an effective pastor and evangelist, is that he took an active interest in other people and what they knew or cared about. Even in casual contact with strangers, he would often ask a probing question that would result in an outpouring of knowledge or ideas. Among Christians, Bill was always eager to encourage and provoke spiritual growth. “What has God been teaching you, lately?” was one of his favorite questions.

Once not long ago we vacationed with Bill and Cindy, visiting the town of Saugatuck, Michigan. There we found (and rode) what is purported to be the last functional chain ferry in the United States. Immediately after embarking, Bill was exploring how the ferry worked, and soon he had persuaded the operator to let him try the mechanism that propelled the ferry across the river. Others caught the enthusiasm, and eventually most of us took a turn at the crank. That was the sort of man he was — he brought a colorful zest for life and a vibrant spirit of exploration into everything he did, and we were all richer in experience because of it.

Riding the Saugatuck Ferry
Grandad was rarely ‘cranky’, but this was one time when he really was.

As patriarch of our little clan, he knew all about validating special events with his presence, and he wasn’t content to simply sit by, but would invest himself with power and enthusiasm. If Grandad wanted to watch Bonanza, suddenly everyone wanted to watch it. If he played Rat-a-Tat-Cat with the younger kids, even the older ones would drift over to the table to participate. If Bill proposed a golf-cart ride, we’d have to break out the second cart and make a caravan, because his cart would be over-full.

Golf cart rides
Usually, they let him ride in the front.

Many times, when we would visit Michigan, he would get up early to work at church, and come home at lunch time, vacationing for the rest of the day. The rest of us would sleep in, and slowly the house would awaken, with Cindy patiently serving breakfast to each one as they woke, in turn. At noon, Bill would walk in the front door, shouting: “Where are my Grandchildren?” Then, as it was often said, the ‘fun would begin’.

Each of my children loved their Grandad in their own way, but my son Daniel wore his heart for Grandad on his sleeve. I remember when we moved away from Michigan, Daniel was only two, and would ask us, plaintively, “Where’s Grandad?” The first time Bill came to visit us in Washington, some months later, Daniel took one look at him, reached out his arms to be held, and burst into tears with his head on Grandad’s shoulder, only then perhaps able to process his toddler grief in missing his beloved Grandad. Over the years, they have forged a special bond, and as a result, Daniel has really struggled to come to grips with his grief over the past several months. A few weeks ago, Daniel wrote a school paper about his remembrances of Fort Clark, Texas. It is his ‘favorite place’, where we used to vacation with Kathy’s parents:

“Everywhere I look in the Spanish stone ranch house, memories of Grandad surround me. Grandad loved to build and refinish furniture. The tall book shelves he made climb the walls and hold hundreds of books. As much as possible I would stand close to Grandad and try somehow to help, somehow. He let me hold the tools: screws, hammers and drill.”

My wife is the firstborn among her siblings and the only girl. Perhaps that is why she has such a sweet relationship with her Papa, and maybe that is why he always treated me so kindly. From the time I first swooped into their lives in my dilapidated Buick, a barefoot, arrogant and immature vagabond, Bill and Cindy treated me with honor and courtesy. Over the years, I have learned much from Bill Moore, and part of who I am is because of his godly heritage.

Gentle Grandad
Those who knew him, came to love Bill’s courteous ways and gentle smile.

If I had to choose a passage that best described Bill Moore, I might choose Phillipians 2:3-4:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

I think those verses describe my father-in-law deeply — he was a man who consistently ‘looked to the interests of others’. As a pastor, as a boss, as a friend and as a father, he put others first. With several advanced degrees and a lifetime of credible service as a pastor and spiritual leader, Bill had plenty of reason to consider himself more valuable than others. By the grace of the Holy Spirit, he was consistently able to set himself aside, and to prefer others above himself.

From the moment he gave his heart to Jesus as a freshman in college, Bill began to immerse himself in the pursuit of being a disciple of Jesus Christ. Bill loved to teach from the Bible, and his mind was full of deep insight on the nature of God and the meaning of scripture. He was an effective preacher and an unusually good listener. He was a peaceable man, able to disagree on major issues without breaking relationships. His wisdom and quiet confidence opened many doors of conversation, yet he had the maturity to give others a chance to be heard, even when their ideas were foolish in comparison to his.

Most people don’t know how often Bill and Cindy visited sick folks the hospital, although many at the memorial service had been touched by that aspect of their ministry. Because we live far away, much of our contact with Kathy’s family is via the phone; Bill would often call us when he was on the way home from a hospital visit. I can remember dozens (perhaps hundreds) of such calls, over the years — it was not unusual for Bill to make two or three such pastoral visits in an average week.

We lived in Michigan near Kathy’s family for five years; during that time we attended Trinity Presbyterian Church, where Kathy’s Dad served as founding pastor. I remember how Bill would make dozens of calls each month, encouraging visitors to return, and persuading young families to attend Sunday School. His diligence and faithful example have and continue to be an inspiration to me as I seek to please God with the offering of my life.

Family Legacy
Grandad leaves behind a huge legacy of family and faith.

Looking back, Bill lived his life as one who knew his time on earth is limited. He worked hard, seeking to ‘make the most of every opportunity’, as Paul encouraged the Ephesians. He played with enthusiasm and joy, pouring himself out for his children and grandchildren. He was intentional about rest, and took great satisfaction in leading a life with a healthy balance of refreshment.

My father-in-law was not a perfect man. He worried about finances, and was occasionally angry with his wife and children. He could be brusque and even short-tempered when a repair project wasn’t going well. In some sense, these defects make his example even more compelling; as a fallen man myself, I cannot dismiss him as a ‘super Christian’ whose footsteps are impossible to emulate. In spite of his faults, he was steadfast in his efforts to glorify Jesus Christ, and was a man ‘after God’s own heart’ in the deepest parts of his character.

In recent years, my daughter Rachel has come to especially enjoy Grandad, sharing a love for (or at least a commitment to) jogging. Whether in the stifling heat of Texas, or along the beach at Lake Michigan, they would often jog together. She also wrote a descriptive essay about her love for summers in Michigan, visiting Mamie and Grandad:

“Bright and early my Grandad would appear, his tall form silhouetted by the dawn’s light, which streamed in from a window. My door would open creakily as he tried not to wake my slumbering cousin. “Ready?” Grandad whispers, and together we would tip-toe downstairs to stretch before our morning run. I love not only my grandparents’ home in Michigan, but also the area. The roads, forever covered in dust, remind me of the old westerns my Grandad always liked to watch. Trees edge both sides of the lane, but somehow the sun still shines through, embracing our skin with warmth. My Grandad and I run a three mile loop almost every morning.

Grandad and I ran twenty miles in twenty-one days in the balmy summer of 2010, while we vacationed in Michigan. Often I would take off my thick socks and uncomfortable shoes, and run with my bare feet. I adore running barefoot; it makes me feel liberated, and toughens my feet as it frees my heart. Now, although I run alone, I know Grandad is running along the beautifully paved golden streets of Heaven; old age and sickness is unable to touch him. Perhaps at this moment, he is cheering me on as I continue to run the race of life.”

Running along Lake Michigan
Grandad didn’t seem particularly upset about being outrun by a girl …

In the last days of his life, Bill was unconscious. His body was losing the fight against the lymphoma, and he struggled with the respirator so that they had to keep him mostly sedated. One of the last things he was able to say to Cindy was the statement, “I’m so sorry.” Perhaps he already understood that he was soon to be leaving her as a widow on the earth. I think that, if he had been able, he might have echoed the final words of the apostle, Paul:

For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

William Carlton Moore, 1944-2011, thank you for being a godly example and father-in-law to me. I love you, and I know we all look forward to being re-united with you on the Glorious Day of our Lord’s return, or if He tarries, as we are each, in turn, called to our eternal home.

Pastor William C. Moore’s Obituary

Article about Pastor Moore (abstract)

Full Article about Pastor Moore (link broken, apparently archived)

P.S. Mamie, I’m sorry if this makes you cry. Writing it made me cry, but I still think it was better to write this, and to remember your beloved Bill.

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Dwelling in the Shelter of the Most High

Today has been a difficult day for me. I am not a person who is very much at home with outward displays of emotion, yet nearly everyone I’ve met today has hugged me and told me, “We’re praying for your family.” In spite of the awkwardness, I am so thankful for the way that God is surrounding us with His saints, who are so determined to show us love in a variety of ways.

Kathy is in Minnesota, helping to care for her Dad, at the Mayo Clinic. Bill continues in very poor health — the doctors still do not have a firm diagnosis for him. Hopefully tomorrow the batteries of scheduled tests will shed some light on the situation. Here in Washington, we watch and pray, checking text messages and Facebook for updates, dreading news yet thirsting for any certainty.

Kathy referenced Psalm 91 in one of her texts, which begins this way:

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

We are continually reminded that we rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Whatever happens in Kathy’s Dad’s body, God will be glorified. And so we watch and pray some more.

In the midst of all this, life continues. We went to church, and I taught most of a Sunday School class. My parents came over after church, and we celebrated my Dad’s 74th birthday. It was very pleasant to connect with my parents again, and to watch my Dad guess each of his gifts before he unwrapped them. He also makes a big deal of saving the wrapping paper, presumably a holdover from his childhood on the heels of the Great Depression. We enjoyed an ice cream pie together and had a sweet time of prayer together for Kathy’s Dad.

Seventy-Four, and Still Silly
We made him blow out the candles twice, as is our custom.

It is hard not to feel guilty or shallow when the normal things of life interpose themselves in front of our concern for Granddad. And yet, I don’t think God wants us to wallow in fear or worry. Where is the balance? How much time do we focus on prayer for the healing of our beloved one, and how much do we go on with life? If we are able to trust easily, does it mean we don’t care about Granddad? If sorrow and tears predominate, does it mean we don’t trust God?

Last night, Daniel pulled out one of his last baby teeth, after much wiggling, in the Albertson’s parking lot. Back at home, he asked me:

“What should I do with it?”

“Put it in a little ziploc bag,” I suggested, not sure where this was going.

Later, as he was heading to bed, he asked me where he should put it.

“Why, do you still believe in the Tooth Fairy?” I raised my eyebrows at him.

I thought it would be funny to see how he answered that question. As an almost-14-year-old, he certainly couldn’t claim a belief in the Tooth Fairy, especially since Kathy and I are not particularly careful to perpetuate such childhood myths. Yet he clearly wanted to be paid for the tooth — I was eager to see his angle.

“No, but I believe in … Money!” Daniel gave me a big, cheesy grin, dangling the ziploc bag suggestively.

The Tooth Fairy is a bit notorious in our household. It is not unusual for kids to place hopeful teeth under their pillows for days at a time before attracting her notice.

“Times are hard,” I tell them, when they complain about their tooth being overlooked. “She is probably working the East coast this week — I hear there was a hockey tournament last weekend, and the poor Tooth Fairy is just swamped. Hang in there, maybe tonight will be your lucky night.”

When I checked on David and Daniel before I went to bed, I was amused to see that Daniel left nothing to chance. On his desk just beside the door, he placed his tooth (in its sanitary little bag), and left a note with an arrow, pointing at the tooth: “Right here, Tooth Fairy!! X marks the spot!” Around the tooth, he bent a glowstick into a circle, literally highlighting the tooth for even the most nearsighted of fairies.

Tooth Fairy-ing for Dummies
Apparently Daniel has no high regard for the intelligence of the Tooth Fairy.

Naturally, the Tooth Fairy made no visit that night. I want my children to learn to be persistent, and to persevere. As Paul told the Romans:

Let us also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us. — Romans 5:3-5

It warmed my heart to watch Daniel’s silliness, and to have something to laugh about.

Pie with Grampa
… and a piece of ice cream pie with Reese’s cup pieces and an Oreo crust never goes amiss.

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Blinded by Love

Kathy’s parents have been visiting us for the past few days, in a whirlwind of shopping and home improvement projects. Staying only five days, they helped Kathy to select, purchase and install new window blinds and curtains in most of the windows on the ground floor of our home, as well as an assortment of other home projects.

It is always fun to have Mamie and Grandad visit us. They usually stay at a local hotel, and we all split our time between our house and the hotel, where the kids love to swim and pillage the continental breakfast. They often invite a couple of kids to spend the night at the hotel, and a festive air surrounds their visit, devoid of work and school responsibilities. If I can, I take off from work at least a day or two while they’re here, and we usually eat out at least one or two nights.

goin' swimming

Some said the pool was too small, those folks can just sit out for a spell.

One of the things I like best about a visit from Kathy’s folks is the effect it has on my heart toward my wife. We’ve been married, now, for nearly 17 years, and life is not always roses and Nutella. I notice in myself a tendency to take my wife for granted, and even sometimes an inclination to view her as an obstacle to my selfish pursuits.

When Kathy’s folks come for a visit, they invariably seek to be a blessing to her in some tangible way. Cindy takes her clothes-shopping, and Bill busies himself repairing and improving our home. They so obviously love and cherish their daughter, striving to please and delight their firstborn and only daughter. I find myself seeing her in a new light, competitively not wanting to be left out.

saying goodbye is hard

It’s never easy saying goodbye. The fog hides our tears.

It is times like this that I remember that Kathy is ‘my’ wife in the sense that she was entrusted to me, not like ‘my car’ or ‘my shoes’ as a possession or piece of property. In good faith, Bill and Cindy gave their blessing to our union, handing her off to me at the altar. I’m sure they had the expectation that I would love, protect and encourage their daughter, that I would promote her spiritual growth, and would lay down my life for her as we raise our family together. I really like being reminded of the promises I made when we were wed, in the presence of God and so many witnesses.

We watched the Fireproof movie last night, recently purchased from Amazon as soon as it became available. At one point in the story, the husband discovers that one of his wife’s co-workers is trying to win her heart. He visits the man in his office, and puts him on notice: “I know what you’re doing,” he challenges, “ … I know you’re trying to win my wife’s heart. I know I’ve made some mistakes, but I still love her, and since I’m married to her, I think that gives me an advantage.”

Kathy’s parents and I are not locked in a competitive struggle for Kathy’s heart, but it is good for me to see the way they love her and to be challenged to ‘take it up a notch’ myself.

inlaws

I often brag at what a wonderful mother-in-law I have.

Last summer I had the opportunity to take on a side project for an association of physicians based in Switzerland. With Kathy’s gentle prodding encouragement, I finally finished the project and (after a few delays) was generously paid for my work. I told her that, after deducting tithe, expenses and taxes, we would split the money 50/50, to be placed in our ‘Unaccountable’ budget accounts.

At first Kathy was reluctant. “Shouldn’t we spend that money on debt reduction?” she questioned. “Dave Ramsey says that we should put every extra bit of money toward reducing our debt.” We both bowed toward Financial Peace Plaza in Franklin, TN, mecca to Dave Ramsey groupies everywhere.

A wistful longing flickered in her eyes. Sticking to a budget (or even mostly sticking to a budget) these past 10 months has been very hard for both of us.

“You can spend your half on reducing the debt if you like,” I said, ruthlessly. “But I’m spending mine on something fun.”

I buried myself in computer catalogs and began to gleefully spend my half on cool devices that come in foam-padded boxes. Kathy didn’t say a word about how she was going to spend her new riches, and I pondered this in my heart.

david and mamie

When her parents arrived, she leapt into action. “We’re going to Lowes to pick out some window treatments,” she announced on Saturday. Soon she returned with new wooden blinds, curtain rods and a variety of curtains, and the home decorating project began. Cindy contributed some new pillows, and Bill jumped into action installing the blinds and curtain rods, a loving gift of service that consumed much of his remaining visit time. Kathy agonized over each element of the redecorating effort, encouraged and supported by her mom.

At one point, Kathy asked me, “How much do you think I’ve spent on this?” She likes to play these kind of guessing games to gently ease me into shocking expenses. My guess was less than a fourth of what she spent, but I was too cagey to admit it.

When I finally discovered how much it all cost, I opened my mouth.

“What a waste of money,” I thundered. “You could have bought a really nice [insert electronic device here] for that kind of dough,” I wailed.

I closed my mouth on those words before they escaped my lips, grinding them carefully between my teeth and twisting my lips into the semblance of a smile. “How fun,” I squeaked, schooling my face into a positive expression. “Do you like the new blinds and curtains?”

“Aren’t you upset at how much I spent?” Kathy asked me.

“Nope,” I assured her, regaining my composure. “That’s why it is called ‘Kathy’s Unaccountable Money’. You don’t have to give account for it, it is yours to spend, any way you like.”

grandad and sweet rachel

Rachel and Grandad steal a hug.

Warming to my lecture in the presence of my oldest son, I heard myself continue: “People value different things, differently. It is foolish for me to expect that you would want to buy computers or Nutella (although you could’ve bought at least a small jar) – you get your joy from making our home look pretty. I know you’ve waited a long time to do this, and you and the kids are here at home for a good part of every day, if this is how you want to spend your money, then why should I complain?”

I was amazed at the reasonable sound of my own voice. Who was this wise husband, spouting such words with hardly a grimace or twitch?

I checked my heart. Resentment? Nope. As I spoke, the words had become true.

There are things that are the same for everyone; moral standards, for example; if you steal, it is just exactly as bad as when I steal. Our skin color or economic condition have no effect on the morality — sin is sin, no matter who does it. But some things are relative, even between like-minded people, and the way people spend money seems often to fall in this second list. Your ‘wasteful’ expenditures may seem ‘foolish’ or ‘poor stewardship’ to me, yet (assuming the money is not borrowed or stolen) it may really come down to a value judgment. I may deplore your taste, but I am foolish if I try to claim moral high ground over you in a matter of style.

I am especially cognizant of the need not to throw stones as I think about the way I spend my money.

don't go home!!

Another lovely visit (if too short) with Mamie and Grandad.

The curtains and blinds look very sophisticated and pretty, in our living room. I hope that they are pleasing to Kathy’s eye for as long as necessary for her to feel she got ‘good value’ out of them, whatever that means in this context. I figure I’ve already got my money’s worth out of ‘em, if I can only internalize my own teaching. :)

Tim

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Questions about Father’s Day

How do you handle Father’s Day? Each year I find myself a bit confused. Do I buy a present for Tim, the father of my children, or do I buy one for my father? Or perhaps I do both. Does Tim buy a gift for his father and I buy one for my father and the children take care of Tim?

This should NOT be complicated.

Except my father doesn’t want anything (except maybe a visit from his grandchildren) and my father-in-law doesn’t need anything (except maybe donations for The Refuge). Tim’s favorite gifts are computer games and books and he keeps a thoroughly stocked Amazon Wish List, so he’s EASY.

Obviously the lesson here is I need to encourage my father and father-in-law to maintain Amazon Wish Lists. Then, anytime one of the kids or grandchildren want to buy a present, they would have a nice selection to choose from. It’s brilliant!

Is it too late to start now? Dads – please go straight to Amazon.com and do some fun window shopping. It’s simple to click and put things into your wish list (NOT your shopping cart). Who knows, maybe you’ll find a little treat headed your way.

Anyone have other great ideas for Father’s Day? I somehow missed Mother’s Day (sigh) and Father’s Day is rapidly approaching.

Kathy

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