Category Archives: Family

The Crumbling of My Resolve

For many years, I swore we would not have cats in our house.

“My Dad is allergic, and they are a lot of trouble, when it comes to kitty litter, etc. Plus, if we ever go out of town, we have to pay someone to feed them.”

And for years, my daughters prayed and pleaded. “Don’t you think kittens would be fun? They are so cute! We will take good care of them, we promise!”

Rachel's favorite is Misty, who is the senior of our two cats.

Rachel’s favorite is Misty, who is the senior (and by far the more sophisticated) of our two cats.

I wasn’t buying it. We had a couple of guinea pigs, but one died, and the second wasn’t very affectionate, so we ended up giving him away. I felt vindicated by the short attention span of my children and the relative lack of value we had enjoyed from these pets.

Then, suddenly, my resolve crumbled, and we found ourselves with not one, but two kittens.

Since then, two years have passed, and one cat (Miri) died, but was replaced (in some sense) by Marco. They are ‘inside’ cats, but are fascinated by the outdoors, especially birds and the occasional enemy cat that dares to trespass our yard.

Marco must have seen a Bad Cat outside -- he takes his duties as Guard Cat very seriously.

Marco must have seen a Bad Cat outside — he takes his duties as Guard Cat very seriously.

And in a strange way, I am thankful for them. As selfish and utterly contemptuous toward us as all cats are, my heart warms at the sight of Marco stretched out on his back, belly exposed, paws curled in contentment. Even Misty, who is a classic introvert, is pleasant to have around when she deigns to curl up with me. There is a deep satisfaction in petting them, and they are (at least) very appreciative whenever we feed them.

Sarah is the 'owner' of Marco, the latest addition to our family.   Marco is a bit of a chow-cat, but we love him anyway!

Sarah is the ‘owner’ of Marco, the latest addition to our family. Marco is a bit of a chow-cat, but we love him anyway!

I think the way I most enjoy our cats is watching them when they sleep, and gaining vicarious pleasure from their total abandonment to rest. I imagine Heaven as a place where college students and parents of newborns, and even weary programmers, can rest with all their heart, for as long as they need.

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AWANA – Aye Wanna Pie Ya

"NO, you can't make me go!  Save me!"

“NO, you can’t make me go! Save me, Kathy!”

Tim is amazing! He gives his heart and soul for our church’s AWANA program. He’s served as the T&T director for several years now, and he continues to pour faithfully into the lives of the children who come every week. Last week the Commander (head of the program) told the kids, “Whoever says the most Discoveries next week gets to Pie Mr. Tim!!” Such screaming and cheering as you wouldn’t believe. A few of the girls spent HOURS memorizing their Bible verses and working on extra projects.

"Don't do it, Kivi, there's still time to walk away."

“Here’s a nickel, Kivi, pie Mr. Jim instead!”

AT some point Tim incorporated the Thankful Chair into our T&T Council Time. Every week he brings up two different children to share something for which they are thankful. The kids BEG to be picked for their turn. They love having a moment in the spotlight. This year he decided to teach them a little bit about prayer, and he used the Thankful Chair to accomplish this. He tells the kids regularly, “Praying is just talking to God. Praying out loud is just praying where other people can hear you.” So now the T & T’ers come up to the front, sit in the Thankful Chair, say their name and lead us in a prayer, sharing what they are thankful for. It’s beautiful, simple and a precious gift to watch. Tim usually beams and encourages them, “Some ADULTS don’t even like to pray aloud, and you are ALREADY learning the joy of doing it now!”

"Hmmm, I wonder if I should have shaved first?"

“Hmmm, I wonder if I should have shaved first?”

Passionate for the Word of God, Tim is constantly searching for interesting and creative ways to encourage the kids to memorize their verses and work through their T&T books. Each time someone finishes a discovery (8 sections in their book – a difficult feat) they are recognized up front, receive a pin for their badge and get to pick one of Mr. Tim’s cool prizes. Oh, the fun he has in tracking down things for these kids – he buys children’s Bibles, small jewelry, bags, comic Bibles, Christian t-shirts, Odyssey cd’s, praise music, candy, books, fuzzy socks, gloves, and little toys.

Got him good.  Now what to do with the rest in this dish?  Hit him again? Yep.

Got him good. Now what to do with the rest in this dish? Hit him again? Yep.

Oh, she goes in for another good shove in the face.

Oh, she goes in for another good shove in the face.

Last year Tim expressed to me a desire to learn the kids’ names. Since I sit at the registration table and check the children in each week and then go through their record books after verse time, it’s easy for me to put faces to names. Tim, however, is usually busy at registration time, and then spends the rest of the evening rushing around getting leaders into the right spot, taking care of different problems as they arise and preparing for council time.

No pies for this team!

No pies for this team!

This year Tim was more determined than ever and so he designed a wooden nickel just for our AWANA group. He told the kids, “If I don’t know your name, you get a wooden nickel.” Blank looks greeted him. “And, after AWANA, you can find me and redeem the nickels for a soda.” Cheers erupted! Ah the simple motivation of a can of pop. It didn’t take Tim long to learn all of the T&T’ers names. Next he told them, “Okay, now I know your names, the next thing I’m going to work on is your birthdays. You can come up to me at any point during AWANA, and if I don’t know your birthday, you get a wooden nickel. Only one time in the night, of course.” More cheers.

Don't take any wooden nickels ... unless they are like this one!

Don’t take any wooden nickels … unless they are like this one!

Sometimes I don’t understand Tim’s ideas or where he comes up with them. Really? Their birthdays, honey? And then he looks at me with those piercing eyes, “Just think of it, Kathy, a grown-up (not their relative or neighbor or teacher) who not only knows their names, but their birthdays! Some of these kids don’t have very many people in their lives who care about them. I care.”

What flavor was it?  Butterscotch?

What flavor was it? Butterscotch?

And for that he’ll even take a pie in the face for them.

Thank you, Tim, for loving these kids.

Kathy

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A Dream Fulfilled

In some ways, I am a very simple man. And some of my aspirations are pretty straightforward, too. One of my prosaic dreams has always been to have a wood stove or fireplace in my home.

Some friends or relatives who have been to my home might remark: “Um, Tim, you have a fireplace.”

This is technically true — we do have a gas fireplace in the family room. But it fell into disuse and I suspect some animals have blocked the chimney — it has been years since we were able to use it. The last time we tried (during an extended power outage) it filled the whole house with an unpleasant oily smell. Even back in the day when the fireplace did work, it wasn’t very warm — seemed like most of the heat went straight up the chimney.

This year marked the culmination of years of doing absolutely nothing in my pursuit of this dream, yet somehow I have achieved it. It all started in the days after Thanksgiving, when I began to troll the pages of Amazon.com for their Cyber Monday deals.

I was happily scrolling through dozens of things I suddenly ‘needed’ (yet had never before known existed) when I saw it: a cute little electric stove. It was marked down about 40%, and I with a click of the mouse, it was shipped to my home! (Amazon’s Prime shipping and one-click shopping is WAY too easy.)

A man and his stove are not easily parted.

A man and his fake electric stove are not easily parted.

As it happened, I was home alone on the day the large, indiscreet Duraflame box was delivered, so I secreted it away in the garage behind rows of bins and random furniture, intending for it to be rolled out on Christmas morning.

Sadly, I am not as young as I once was, and my memory is far from perfect. Christmas came, and Christmas went, and I forgot all about my little treasure.

About a week ago, on the eve of Rachel’s rescheduled birthday party, I suddenly remembered it. Rescuing it from garage oblivion, I installed it happily in our living room, where it fights valiantly against the moaning of the wind and the loss of heat through our poorly-insulated windows. Finding one more Christmas present so long after the holidays proved to be a cheerful respite from January blues.

Now we tend to sit in the living room staring at the fake little electric ‘flames’ and feeling the warm air pour out from the fan at the bottom of the heater … it is a perfect size and capacity for our room, and lends our home a warm, inviting ambience.

Now if I can just remember where I put some of the other presents I bought …

Tim

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Goals, a 2014 Reprise

One thing for which I am particularly thankful is a church that encourages goal setting (and accountability). Just this morning as I was leaving Sunday School, my wife sat down with three or four of the women from our class to begin encouraging each other on their pursuit of this year’s goals. Since I hadn’t written mine yet, I pretended to have urgent business elsewhere. Besides, it was only for girls.

Our Pastor is particularly disciplined and aggressive in setting goals for himself, and many of the church leaders set a very good example in this regard. Each year I make a list of goals, seeking to ‘run in such a way as to get the prize’ (1 Corinthians 9:24). And each year I fail in many ways; yet somehow this is not discouraging to me. Perhaps this is because I compare it to the failure I would have if I set no goals at all.

My nephew Samuel and I probably should set goals for winning a game of Eclipse.

My nephew Samuel and I probably should set goals for winning a game of Eclipse.

Last week at AWANA, I offered the kids a revised version of last year’s Goals Worksheet and encouraged them to bring a completed copy to AWANA next week.

“If you bring it back completed, I will give you a wooden nickel,” I promised.

Forgotten is the sage advice you may have heard from your grandfather, “Don’t take any wooden nickels!” Kids today gladly accept them, possibly because of their worth in comparison to our debt-devalued currency, or (more likely) because I redeem them for a free can of pop (most of ‘em prefer root beer).

Don't take any wooden nickels ... unless they are like this one!

Don’t take any wooden nickels … unless they are like this one!

Then, as often happens, my mouth ran away without my brain in attendance. “And if I don’t have a copy of MY goals completed and ready to show you by next week,” I shouted, “I’ll give you ALL a wooden nickel!”

So much for my wily plan to drag out my goal-setting until people stop asking me about my goals. These AWANA kids are ruthless and relentless. They will stop at nothing to squeeze a wooden nickel out of me. I guess I’d better trot out a list of goals for the year, before Wednesday arrives and I am bankrupted.

A quick word about goals. I think they should cover as many areas of your life as you can — so I usually divide mine up into Spiritual, Marriage, Parenting, Personal and Administrative goals. Then I add an extra category for Fun goals, and (if I feel brave) one more category for BHAGs (Big, Hairy, Audacious Goals).

Maybe not as big and hairy as my beard ...

Maybe not as big and hairy as my beard …

So here are my goals. I’m not trying to brag, as those of you who know how I actually perform on my goals can probably attest. I’m just trying to respond in thankfulness to my God whose mercies are new every morning (and every year) and who gives me the power to attempt great things for Him.

  • Spiritual Growth & Maintenance
    • Pray through the church prayer letter, weekly
    • Pray for my AWANA leaders by name, weekly
    • Pray for each of my family members, daily
    • Read my Bible plan for 280 days (finish current year’s plan + 180 days on a new plan)
    • Teach a Resolution class for men
    • Attend the Perspectives missions class in the Fall with Kathy
    • Recite & track my commitments every day (I have a personal statement of faith and intent)
    • Write an encouraging note, card or e-mail to someone, each week
    • Write a blog post about something I am thankful for, each week
    • Listen to one ‘extra’ sermon a week
  • Marriage
    • Pray with Kathy 2x/week
    • Go out on a date with Kathy at least 1x/month
    • Have a ‘home date’ with Kathy 3x/month
  • Parenting
    • Celebrate Special Days™ in some form (at least one child per week)
    • Read some kind of Bible devotional to my kids 3x/week
    • Discuss at least one of my Convictions™ with my kids each week
  • Personal
    • Write two blog posts each week (in addition to thankful blog)
    • Exercise 4x/week, 25 minutes minimum
    • Reduce weight to 203 lbs
  • Administrative
    • Review my goals weekly
    • Report on goals via e-mail to my ‘boys’ weekly
    • Continue using my TaskList™ application at work to be accountable for my performance
  • Fun & Family
    • Play at least 1 board game/week with my family
    • Go camping as a family at least once
    • Vacation in Turks and Caicos with my family
    • Complete a working game prototype with Joshua (Ziba)
    • Finish my skit collection website
  • Big Hairy Audacious Goals
    • Increase tithe/offering to 25% of my gross income

Some of you may wonder why these goals bear a striking resemblance to some of my previous year’s goals. This is no coincidence — these are the things that I (a) think are important, and (b) have difficulty performing. It should be no surprise, that some of them would crop up on my list of goals, year after year.

Joshua was certainly surprised when Kathy and I resumed writing our blog ...

Joshua was certainly surprised when Kathy and I resumed writing our blog …

One of my best college friends recently commented on an earlier blog post, questioning whether personality type is a major factor in a person’s willingness and decision to set goals or not. She suggested that people who tended toward ‘Perceiving’ on the Myers-Briggs personality type indicator (vs. ‘Judging’) might find it more difficult and less rewarding to set goals than those on the other end of the spectrum. Unfortunately, my most recent test results on that measure were exactly divided between ‘Perception’ and ‘Judgment’, so that doesn’t really give me an ‘out’. In any case, I found this article interesting and informative on that question, particularly this paragraph:

Sometimes people feel they have both. That is true. The J or P preference only tells which preference the person extraverts. One person may feel very orderly/structured (J) on the inside, yet their outer life looks spontaneous and adaptable (P). Another person may feel very curious and open-ended (P) in their inner world, yet their outer life looks more structured or decided (J).

I am thankful that 2014 gives me a fresh start on my desire to be disciplined and to live my life in a way that is pleasing to God. All my pathetic 2013 failures are hereby washed away (if only to make room for my 2014 pathetic failures) and I am excited to see what God will empower me to do this year.

Tim

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The Rest of the Appendix Tale

Parts Tim left out in his appendix story:

“I don’t have appendicitis, it must be all those fruits and veggies we’ve been eating. Look, I can jump up and down ten times. I’m pretty sure any sharp movement would hurt if it was my appendix.”

Tim jumped up and down in my mom’s small Texas kitchen, refusing to believe he could be sick with anything serious.

Tim looks so healthy here.

Tim looks so healthy here. This is obviously a “Before” picture.

“Besides, Joshua got appendicitis on our last day in Texas years ago, it would be too much of a weird coincidence if I got it too. I mean, go figure. The irony. Haha.”

Fast forward two hours. Returning home from the library, where we had internet, researched some of Tim’s symptoms and made contact with one of my favorite all time nurses (aka Kirstin), we looked over the house for Tim.

Who was in bed, moaning.

“We don’t need to do any pressure tests, it’s definitely my appendix. Pain in my right side. Not going away. We need to make our way to the hospital.”

Ah, the irony.

This, of course, was not as easy as it sounds. We were in a little town, hours from a major city, with a rental car that was only in Tim’s name, and we had a flight to catch in Dallas in less than three days.

We made a series of calls –

Can we change our flight without a fee? No.
Even in a medical emergency? No.
What hospital is covered by our insurance? 2 Random Names of hospitals we’d never heard of.
Is there a car rental place nearby where we can add another driver? No.
To the older kids back at home in Washington – “No worries, we’re just heading to the hospital. Yep, appendicitis. I know, the irony.”

Tim didn’t want to uproot my mom and the kids, but I did NOT want to be alone in a strange city with my husband in the hospital. So we packed everything up, grabbed food out of the fridge, locked up the house, and set off for San Antonio.

Tim, being honorable and stubborn and unwilling to break our car rental contract, insisted on driving the 2 plus hours to San Antonio.

“Kathy,” he managed to gasp out after a bump in the road caused him to flinch in severe pain, “I can just see us getting stopped while you’re driving, getting a ticket or in an accident and on top of everything, having to pay a stupid fine to the car rental place! I am okay to drive.”

Sometimes I am amazed at Tim’s integrity and honor. He was not willing to violate the rental agreement and, in some sense, place us outside of God’s protection, even if it meant his own personal discomfort.

So we drove at a (safe) break-neck speed to San Antonio. First stop – the car rental place. He threw the keys at me and we hurried (okay, he mainly stumbled) into the office, added my name to the account, and were even waived the fees for switching the car return from Dallas to San Antonio. Bless Tim’s honest heart!

And then I picked which hospital to go to:

Kathy – to the Random Night Clerk at the car rental agency – “Um, so our insurance covers two hospitals in San Antonio. Which one should we go to?”

Random Night Clerk – “Methodist. My mom had surgery there this year and they took good care of her, I think. She seems okay now.”

Great, that’s good enough for me. Thank the Lord for Google maps and my phone. We found the hospital and got Tim settled into the ER.

Also, praise God for friends who take care of me (even from 1000′s of miles away). My dear friend Michelle (who knew I was pretty much INCAPABLE of making any more decisions – that whole hospital choice had exhausted me) figured out a hotel for us – sent me the address, got me set up with a discount and Google Maps pointed us in the right direction. Ahhh. Sleep.

While Tim was waiting for care in the hospital, we toured San Antonio. Nothing like ignoring the suffering patient and sight-seeing with the other summer tourists. Bad wife or resourceful mom? It’s a toss-up.

River Walk

River Walk

This was the call I did get in the middle of our yummy meal out that day (love Tex-Mex food!):

“Hey sweetie.”
“Tim, are you okay? Have they scheduled things yet?”
“No, I’m still waiting for the doctor, but these pain meds are GREAT!”
“Oh, good. We’ll be there soon.”
“Okay, listen, I just wanted you to know that the doctor told me last night that there was a little tumor on one of my kidneys.”

::silence::
“What?”
“Yeah, so I didn’t want to worry you last night.”
“Um, or this morning when I was there at the hospital?”
“Heh, heh. No, but I did want to tell you before I went into surgery. You know, so you’d know what was going on and all.”

::silence::
“Tim.”
“Yes, dear?”
“You are NOT allowed to get cancer and die, do you understand me?”
“Yes, dear. Enjoy your lunch and say hi to your mom and the kids for me.”

My phone, which was obviously exhausted from all my Google Map usage, died in the middle of our walk and I totally missed Tim’s call saying he was going into surgery. Cue bad wife moment.

My wonderful, generous, caring aunt and uncle covered some of our expenses as we moved to a hotel right off the River Walk and close to the hospital.

We had to go see the Alamo.  We were in San Antonio.  We had time.

We had to go see the Alamo. We were in San Antonio. We had time.

Tim did fine during surgery (except for that whole bursting of the appendix near the end and all). He was up and walking almost immediately. Why? Because we had a flight to make in Dallas early Friday morning (surgery was Wednesday night).

How far is it from San Antonio to Dallas? FOUR HOURS!!

Yes, it was his plan to come out of the hospital, after an emergency appendectomy, hop in the car to drive through the night and then get on a plane for a day of flying back to Washington State.

Did I mention Tim is godly, honorable, and STUBBORN??

We worked through all sorts of schemes. A friend from church offered to fly the kids home so I could stay longer with Tim while he recuperated at the hospital. My mom offered to take the kids back to her house at Fort Clark and stay there while I waited at the hospital for Tim. Tim’s dad called and said he would take a flight from WA and bring David and Sarah home with him.

We were all waiting and trying to see how serious Tim’s surgery was and how his recovery would be. The tumor/cancer threat was in the back of everyone’s mind. Except maybe Tim.

Tim, of course, was determined to get on home. He got out of bed as soon as they would let him and started walking laps around the hospital. Then he proceeded to convince his nurse, who convinced the doctor, who convinced me, that he was fine and could leave in order to make the flight home. Craziness.

Before I could arrange anything with the kids, Tim was released and ready to go. We drove straight to the airport.

“Let’s make our appeal to the airlines in person and see if they’ll waive the flight changes,”
I said, hoping the sight of Tim in a wheelchair and orthopedic socks would move even the hardest of hearts.

“Yes, because if not, we’re driving to Dallas tonight and getting on that other flight,”
he said, looking a bit pale despite his bold words.

You can't see the yellow socks - they're impressive.

You can’t see the yellow hospital socks – they’re impressive.

Sure enough, once again, the Lord went before us. We had an extremely gracious airline representative whose manager immediately changed our flights WITHOUT any fees or costs and sent us on our way. It meant we would miss Joshua as he flew back to college that same day, but it was the best we could do.

So, cough, cough, since Tim was now able to actually rest for the day, I took the kids and my mom and set off to enjoy one more day of vacation. We drove all the way back to my mom’s house in Fort Clark (she wasn’t due to return to Michigan for a few more weeks) and spent the day swimming and relaxing.

Off to the pool while Tim sleeps back at the hotel.

Off to the pool while Tim sleeps back at the hotel.


Pool Wonder Powers - activate!

Pool Wonder Powers – activate!

Ahem, we checked in on Tim every few hours. Probably kept him from resting with our care. The next morning we said good-bye to my mom, drove back to San Antonio, picked up Tim at the hotel, and flew on home to Washington.

Where we were met by more of our awesome friends. “We love to spend our date night picking up people at the airport,” they actually said. Bless their hearts!

And came home to fresh groceries, beautiful flowers and our own beds. Ahhh. We would deal with the cancer part later. And, praise, praise, praise the Lord, as Tim shared, it was handled easily through a long, but not complicated, surgery.

There's even some Nutella for the patient.

There’s even some Nutella for the patient.

Just thought I would fill in some of the untold parts of the story.

Kathy

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