Category Archives: Family

Mud Pies for All Ages

It seems you’re never too old for mud pies.

little girls

Sarah’s birthday is on Wednesday. She’ll be 6 years old. She’ll still be my princess and baby.

Won’t she?

let's make mud pies

A big pile of dirt just cries out for attention. Sometimes it says, “Play with me! Drive cars up and down my hills. Dig your toes in my dusty layers.”

But today it shouted: “Add water and get dirty!”

alison helps rachel lines up the pies

You’re never too old for mud pies.

Yum!

Can I place your order?

Kathy
Project 366 – Day 196

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Convergence

I am constantly amazed at how the Holy Spirit works different threads in our lives together to convict us of sin and spur us on in righteousness and growth. Idle conversation with one person combines with a song we hear on the radio, and then, BANG! Something we read in the Bible connects with us in a way it never did before, and changes us forever. I call this “convergence”, and it happened to me again today.

About eighteen months ago, I discovered what I wanted to be when I grow up: I want to be a Champion for Jesus. I was attending a prayer seminar down in Oregon, and the speaker was talking about how most pastors would give their right arm for someone who could be, er, their right-hand man. “A champion is the kind of person you could ask to start a new program in a church, and they make it happen and get it done. They don’t complain about how busy they are, or come running back to you for every little decision, but they boldly use their gifts to build up the body of Christ, and God gives them success.” Since this was a prayer conference, it was pointed out that champions are generally men and women of prayer.

Ice cream!  Ice Cream!

Sometimes they also let me be the Ice Cream Man.

One of the best things about our church (from my perspective) is that I am allowed to teach (or at least lead) an Adult Bible Fellowship (ABF) class. Cooler than traditional adult Sunday School classes, ABFs are adult Bible classes that meet on, er, Sundays.

Many churches don’t do Sunday School for grownups anymore — in fact, when we first moved to this area and were shopping for a church, we had a hard time finding one that offered anything beyond the ‘standard’ worship service with a sermon. Personally, I think this is unfortunate for several reasons:

  1. An adult Bible fellowship class can focus on an exegetical study of the scriptures, chapter by chapter, verse by verse. While some classes are topical in nature, I tend to study the scriptures book by book, taking each verse and dealing with it as it comes. Over the past several years, we’ve studied nearly all the epistles and a handful of minor prophets, and now we’re most of the way through the gospel of John.
  2. There’s a difference between having the scriptures explained to you, and working as a group to understand them. I’m a big fan of the Inductive study method, in which I (as ‘teacher’) come up with a set of Observation, Interpretation and Application questions, which we all discuss in class. We hammer out a group consensus answer to each question, not pooling our ignorance, but rather pooling our knowledge of related scripture and the revelation of the Holy Spirit in our individual lives.
  3. There’s a big difference between having a message preached ‘at’ you, and taking part in a discussion about the scripture. Our class ranges in size from 8 to 18, and nearly everyone speaks up. It is very hard to fall asleep or tune out in that kind of a venue — whereas even the most disciplined mind can wander when sitting in a church pew, disengaged from the sermon.

I could go on and on — I’m a huge believer in adult Sunday School. “Show me a person who attends an adult Sunday School class, and I’ll show you someone in whose life God is actively working,” I often say (or at least I would say that if anyone ever gave me a chance).

Some people worry that Adult Sunday School classes can compete with or dilute other ministries, and some churches have stopped offering them because they fear that people “won’t come to church for so long on a Sunday”. I think this is hogwash. Members of the early church met every day for prayer and fellowship in the upper room they rented, and (at least some of them) attended daily teaching in Solomon’s Colonnade (in the temple) as well. I don’t think there is anything about modern life that precludes a much higher level of participation in church programs, Bible studies, service projects, and the traditional worship service experience.

I can catch that truck.

That clown wants some ice cream BAD!

But I digress. I set out to write about convergence, and I must make good on that promise.

Today we were studying the 16th chapter of the gospel of John, in which Jesus begins to explain the transition between His physical ministry and the ministry of the Holy Spirit. Concerned that the disciples might fall away, He exhorted them (in chapter 15) to remain connected to Himself, as the Vine to their Branches. We speculated about how the disciples must have felt, exchanging a solidly-present Jesus for an invisible Spirit “for their own good”, according to Jesus.

One thing led to another, and we began talking about the way that, as good servants and citizens of Heaven, we persevere and endure trouble and hardship for our King for the good of the Kingdom as a whole, not necessarily for our own comfort or enjoyment. We talked about Paul’s word picture of running a race, and how it serves as such a good metaphor for the Christian experience.

Less than an hour later, our pastor preached on Hebrews 12, with a primary focus on this verse:

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” Hebrews 12:1

BANG! Convergence!

Bang - that's scary!

“Daddy, did you say a bad word?”

Sitting in my usual pew, I noticed a new banner hanging near the front of the sanctuary. The image portrayed a runner, bursting through a finish-line tape as he came through wide open, heavenly gates. The caption was something like “Be a champion for Christ”, and so I nudged Kathy. “That’s what I want to be,” I whispered.

BANG! Convergence!

It is just one more of the cool ministries of the Holy Spirit, to further cement the truth that He reveals during Sunday School by affirming it again in the worship service. I would say that it is rare that a Sunday goes by, and we fail to find a connection between the sermon and what we studied in class — and I’m pretty sure that the pastor and I aren’t comparing notes.

As we studied today in John 16:

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth …

We serve a great God.

Tim

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Awesome VBS Girls

Rachel helped lead worship for VBS this year. She was especially delighted to work with some of her closest friends from church.

Aren’t these girls beautiful!! They did a fantastic job of teaching the children to sing, shout and praise the Lord.

rachel, hannah, katie, allison

Thanks for all your hard work – Rachel, Hannah, Katie and Allison!

Kathy
Project 366 – Day 193

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Elizabeth Gail Mysteries

Rachel (age 12 and 1/2) is flying through the Elizabeth Gail books by Hilda Stahl. And by flying, I mean reading two books a day. I stumbled across this Christian juvenile collection at a homeschool used curriculum sale in May. The books looked interesting so I bought the entire lot – 19 books in all. How could I resist? A big fat stack of books for Rachel – just my type of present.

19 books in all

At first Rachel was reluctant to begin the series. Frankly, they seemed a little too thin, not meaty enough for her. Thankfully there’s nothing like the combination of a prodding mother and a long summer afternoon to encourage one to dive into a waiting book.

I’ll do my best to snag Rachel for a real review of the books this week. She can give us her opinion and recommendations.

What are you pre-teen daughters reading this summer? Are you participating in the summer reading programs at your local library? Rachel told me she recently passed the 10 hour reading mark and is ready to collect her first prize.

Ah, the joy of raising a family of readers!

Kathy
Project 366 – Day 188

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Memoirs of a Tomato Stake

I had a couple of long talks Monday with my middle boy, to whom we are applying our “Tomato Staking” parenting technique. It has been nearly four weeks since we started, and his patience is starting to wear thin.

“How much longer will I be Tomato Staked,” he asked, plaintively.

“Does it bother you?” I temporized, trying to keep my tone level while smiling gently at him.

“Yes. I don’t like never being allowed to be alone, and I’m embarrassed not to be allowed to play with my friends unless you or Mom are with me,” Daniel replied.

daniel boy

It has been a long month. We’ve mostly stuck to our guns on Tomato Staking, and we require Daniel to be in the same room or in our direct eyesight, seven days a week (except for when he is asleep or sent on a specific errand). We’ve poured out hours of extra teaching into his ears, and we’ve been very encouraged that some of it seems to have lodged in his heart. By being present in his life nearly all the time, we’ve guarded his conduct from spiraling down out of control, and helped him to significantly improve his relationships with his siblings. We’ve worked to teach him some basic charm, so that he can avoid coming to our negative attention by thoughtless disrespect. I’d like also to think that we’ve shown him the depth of our commitment to him, and that our relentless love is fixed on him in an unwavering way.

One of the pervasive themes of our teaching has been in terms of teaching him to respect God, and (by extension) other people. We’ve invested in the filling of his ‘moral warehouse’ so that he can evaluate situations for their moral content and make choices that reflect a heart that is pleasing to God. We’ve taught him about respect for property, respect for authority, respect for nature, and a host of other values that stem from the value God places on people. Any moral code needs a meta-ethical basis, and we’ve chosen to identify with the moral pattern that God has laid out so clearly in His word, the Bible.

daniel waters the tomatoes

We quickly realized that the first thing we needed to teach Daniel was how to listen. Although I’ve had ample occasion to teach Daniel many times before, I’ve not done a very good job at holding him to a high standard in terms of listening attentively. In the past, his typical response to a ‘lecture’ or any form of verbal correction would include:

  • a slumped body posture
  • scowling face
  • overt yawning
  • gaze vacantly directed out the window
  • body fidgeting
  • hands playing with anything within reach
  • sullen, monosyllabic answers to questions (or no answer at all)
  • a remarkable ability to misunderstand
  • an apparent general unwillingness to think about what I’m saying

As I would correct my son, I often found that my initial mild displeasure with his infraction was soon replaced by a strong sense of resentment over his contempt toward me. My attitude toward him would darken, and my willingness to teach him would soon be exhausted in the face of what seemed to me a profound rejection of my efforts to share my wisdom with him.

driving the golf cart

One day I questioned him about it.

“Do you mean to communicate disrespect for what I’m telling you, by the way you look away and play with anything you can get your hands on?” I tried to keep my tone free of menace and incredulity.

“No.” He still didn’t look me in the eye.

“Do you understand how I might feel, trying to explain things to you, when you give every outward appearance of paying me no attention?”

“Not really.” A bored scowl was still plastered over his face.

“When your face is frowning, and you don’t look at me, and you play with your pencil, and you don’t answer my questions, all those things communicate disrespect to me. I feel as though I’m wasting my time telling you things, because you don’t seem to be listening.”

Eventually I took the time to carefully and individually spell out each component of his body language, and how I interpreted it. I enlisted Kathy’s help to support my assertion, so he could see that the response was general and not something he could easily dismiss, thinking, “Oh, that’s just Dad, picking on me.” As we looked at each of the behaviors in the list above, we realized how much Daniel had unwittingly sabotaged his interaction with us, through his body language, and through our response to the contempt he was broadcasting.

These days, when I correct my son, he works harder to present a respectful posture. He often sits up attentively, and looks me right in the eye. He maintains a neutral or smiling expression on his face, and he (mostly) keeps his arms and legs still. Sometimes he answers my questions with complete sentences, and he works hard to stay engaged in the conversation. If he has to yawn, he has learned (or is learning) to discreetly cover his mouth and to quietly apologize.

smiling away

These simple manners have worked a substantial change in my attitude toward my son. I find my tone is gentler, my face is kindlier, and I’m much more willing to explain abstract concepts, even when he doesn’t understand the first or second time. Daniel is making excellent progress in understanding and embracing the moral principles that I have been teaching him … I’d say he has made about a year’s progress in moral maturity over the past month.

I’m very proud of my middle boy. He is kind, gentle, generous and thoughtful, and can be very selfless when he wants to be. He has a keen sense of justice and an evangelist’s heart toward people who don’t know Jesus. He is funny and loves to laugh – his witty cleverness is a delight to our family. He is talented in math, and has a knack for figuring out how mechanical things work. His sunny disposition helps to endear him to many of the people he knows.

We still have some considerable work ahead of us. Over the years, Kathy and I have explained many moral principles to Joshua and Rachel, but Daniel was (at first) too little to understand. As time passed by, I think that Daniel got into the habit of ‘tuning out’ to our teaching, and we were not alert enough to correct that deficiency. Now we’re making up for lost time, and pouring into him very explicitly the moral values that he needs to identify morally-charged situations and respond in a way that will please God.

grab your ice cream bags

“I figure you’ve got another 4-6 weeks of being Tomato Staked,” I told him, “if you work really hard to listen to what Mom and I are teaching you. Early on in this process, it seemed to me that you were fighting against me, deliberately refusing to accept the principles I was teaching you. But lately, I’ve seen a change in you, and I’ve heard you repeating the things I taught you to your brothers and sisters. That kind of thing convinces me that you are ready to build up your moral muscles by making good moral choices without Mom and me hovering over you.”

Some time in the next week we’ll probably give him a day off from tomato staking, and see how he does. He is a quick learner, and if I can convince him of its importance, I think he can get up to an age-appropriate moral maturity level in a matter of a few weeks. Kathy and I would greatly appreciate your prayers in this matter.

Tim

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