When you embark on something of this nature, you must be determined and committed. Intense tomato staking is time consuming and draining. It is a precious gift, not to be given lightly. With this offering, you are pouring into their hearts your love, attention and wisdom. You are committing to watch, train and correct in a proactive manner rather than reacting AFTER trouble has occurred and sin has taken root.

It is a sacrifice and a privilege.

Rachel and her minions sell tomato plants.

As Elizabeth Krueger says on her Raising Godly Tomatoes website:

A tomato plant grows fast, big, and wild. If left untended, it soon sprawls out into an unwieldy heap. As the fruit grows, it weighs the plant down to the ground. Propping by this time is too late. Any attempt to retrain and redirect the growth of the branches will result in breakage and substantial loss of the fruit due to rot, disease, and pests.

On the other hand, a tomato plant which has been properly cared for, will produce an abundance of excellent fruit. From the beginning it must be watered, cultivated, pruned, fertilized, examined for pests, and staked up. The branches will grow the way they were propped and trained, and when the fruit is large and ripe the branches will have the strength to hold those beautiful tomatoes up off the wet ground. What a delight!

This is a time of serious tomato staking for our middle son, Daniel (age 11). After-the-fact discipline has not been highly effective in his life. The “teaching moments” have not met a teachable spirit. As homeschoolers we have a built in platform for tomato staking – the children are with me nearly the entire day. We have an added blessing in Tim’s work situation. He telecommutes several days each week.

Meet one of my favorite tomato plants.

It has been nearly a week that Daniel’s been at Tomato Stake Boot Camp. Each morning he remains in his room until Tim or I are awake and up. Throughout the day he stays near one of us. If he wants to play outside, he has to convince a parent to join him. On Sunday I stayed home from church with a backache. Daniel kept me company. We listened to Odyssey radio episodes on the Whit’s End website and then worked on thank you notes together.

In the evening Tim took Daniel with him to a meeting at church while I hosted Small Group here at our house. When they returned home, Tim went with Daniel out in the playroom and joined the kids (ours plus company) in a rousing game of Poor Sick Child (don’t ask).

Tonight Tim and I went for a walk after dinner. Daniel ran after us, shouting that he needed to be with us. Praising him for remembering, we sent him to get his helmet and bike and follow our path.

Intense Tomato Staking means we intervene before trouble bubbles and spills over. It means we encourage right behavior quickly and cheerfully. It means we discuss, share and reveal our hearts as Christ followers. It means we get to see Daniel’s sweet, funny spirit more often because he is at peace. There is less sulking, fighting or feeling rebuked. It means we get to know his character and his personality.

And what a character he is!

I have been blessed by this experience. What I pour into Daniel’s life I more than reap in wisdom, joy and growth.

Is it easy? No.
Is God stretching me as a mother? Absolutely.
Am I seeing change and growth in Daniel? Definitely.

I will continue pressing on for this is a worthy goal.

If you are interested, I recommend spending some time browsing around at the Raising Godly Tomatoes website. There is a rich store of articles on parenting and I am encouraged every time I stop by.

To Daniel – thank you for letting me share this journey in such a public venue. I love you with all my heart and give this tomato staking time to you as a gift of myself.

Kathy

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Yesterday was a lousy day. Not the whole day, just one little slice of it (or maybe two or three slices). As a result of some mother/child interactions that were NOT pleasant, Tim and I have decided to begin a major Tomato Staking project with Daniel.

Until we see some serious, character changes that reflect a true heart transformation, Daniel is going to be “tomato staked” to one of his parents. He will be in the same room with one of us, he will work on school, chores, and other projects with supervision. Any play time (outside or otherwise) will be done only in an observed, supervised manner.

Tim and I discussed this at length last night and are resolved to be firm and committed to this course of action. This morning we brought Daniel upstairs and shared with him this new Change of Life and how it will affect him.

Today ended up looking something like this:

Daniel worked on school downstairs near me in the morning.
I accompanied him to his PE class at the YMCA.
In the afternoon he did school upstairs in the bedroom while Tim worked.
I was hit with a migraine (haven’t had one in over two years) and went straight to bed.
Tim moved his laptop downstairs and supervised Daniel’s work and the rest of the children while I slept.
After a LONG nap, I helped Daniel (amidst frustration and tears) with his geography assignment then handed him off to Tim while I did school reading with David and Sarah.
Rachel and Joshua went to a church picnic/party – Daniel did not have permission to attend.
Daniel finished his difficult assignment (hooray) and played an hour computer game with Tim.
Time for bed.

Tomorrow we begin all over again.

…we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:3-5

I share this not to embarrass Daniel or single him out, apart from the rest of the family, but because I have great hope for what the Lord wants to do in Daniel’s life.

Because I believe parenting is worth doing well.
Because I think excellent parenting takes time and energy and sacrifice.
Because I believe we hurt our children when we let sin, disrespect and bad attitudes encamp in their hearts.
Because I think it is possible to hold our children to the high standard of godliness and maturity.
Because I hope others will be encouraged by our struggles and our victories.
Because I want Daniel to have this as a testimony of his parents’ love for him and the amazing work of God in his life.
Because I have complete and absolute faith in the veracity of the Word of God who promises He will complete the work He begins in His children.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

Kathy – Tomato Staking Mama

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